Mindfulness

Posted on July 7, 2006
Filed Under Uncategorized |

I have been reading Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali (thanks for the lend Laura) and when I actually get time to read I find myself really caught up in this book. It makes my mind hurt sometimes trying to get my head around some of the concepts and some things I am not sure are totally for me but it is frighteningly easy to see some parallels with my life!

Mindfulness is a biggy.

“If we could learn to live in full awareness of our present moment and explore our own ‘nowness’, instead of rehashing the past or planning the future, we would find more joy in our lives, even moments of unsurpassed bliss…… The term ‘mindfulness’ can be misleading, suggesting a mind that is full. Rather, mindfulness is knowing what’s happening at the time it is happening…”

Oh man.. that bit about ‘rehashing the past and planning for the future’ that is me.. that is so me.

I am a planner a big big planner. I am not devastated if my plans don’t work out perfectly I just make a new plan. I think it is how I cope with the worrying because I am a big worrier too.

I worry about things that will NEVER happen! I worry about stuff that might happen. I worry about stuff that probably will happen. I just worry. Sometimes it creeps up on me and is totally irrational… like worrying about what would have happened if I hadn’t have stopped at that red light while driving! I mean hello.. I did stop… I have always stopped… what is the point of worrying? But I still worry.

I keep the worry from sending me over the edge by planning. I plan how I would deal with all the possible things that might happen. If I have a plan set out in my head, if I know how I am going to deal with things then I know I can cope and the worry doesn’t bother me so much.

Then we come to the day dreaming… kind of like planning but not so realistic. Add to that the rehashing of past moments…. sometimes from years and years ago (why these things pop into my head again I do not know!) and the cycle is complete.

But being mindful is hard. My mind has big problems staying in the present. I have been trying really I have but when I don’t concentrate my mind wanders back into old habits.

The worst part about this is that I don’t think I am fully enjoying now with the girls. I keep thinking about what they will be like when they are older… will this or that be easier or harder… what about school… and can I picture myself as the mother of teenagers? Or I think back on the past… and wonder how we have made it this far, whether I should have done things differently or simply remembering the ‘good old days’. I just forget to enjoy now.

I forget to remember that today is pretty cool and so many ace things happened and that I am so lucky to be here, NOW, enjoying life. I need to enjoy the moments more as they happen.

It doesn’t help that I have a big issue or two whizzing around in my head right now and they are really caught up in what happened in the past and what might happen in the future. It has been suggested that I meditate to try and see a clear path for now, today… but I can’t stay focused…. I am immediately reliving the past or planning the future!

I think I fail Buddhism!

So in an attempt to enjoy the here and now I am going to bed… just to be in bed, warm and comfortable… but I bet my mind wanders!

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Comments

10 Responses to “Mindfulness”

Rae on July 8th, 2006 12:09 am

Ooh yeah I hear ya. :)
HipbubbyMama on July 8th, 2006 12:23 am

Yep… I started reading that book, but had to return it to its owner. I know it’s a book I really *should* buy anyway-seems the sort of thing you keep coming back to :)
Lis on July 8th, 2006 12:32 am

I felt like I was reading a summation on myself then..lol!!

*hugs* Kate, whichever ever way you go, it will all turn out perfectly and for the right reasons in the end :)
Nic and Beren on July 8th, 2006 1:20 am

Ive had that book for 2 years, and I still cant get into it. I must fail buddhism too…LOL
Narelle on July 8th, 2006 5:48 am

If that book is buddhism, I failed miserably as well. It irritated me and was hard to read.

I’m a list maker and tend to daydream about lists every now and then :o)
jkr2 on July 8th, 2006 9:38 am

i’ve never read this book, kate, but have heard a lot about it.

if it makes you feel ‘bad’ though, i wonder if it’s missing it’s own mark.

i always thought that, for a christian, i’d make a pretty good buddhist!

hey ,kate, how’s your friend doing on the sunny coast? i’d be happy to ‘check up’ on her for you anytime.
and am still encouraging you to visit her, so i can meet you!

cheers,
jo
fazzbech on July 8th, 2006 2:56 pm

So did your mind wander when you went to bed Kate? I hope not too badly… :)
Heather on July 8th, 2006 9:52 pm

wow… felt like I was reading about myself!!! I am a huge worry-wart! always doing the ‘what if’ game and stressing. If I find the key to stopping the cycle, I’ll be sure to let ya know! :) {{hug!}}
Bin Mitch's Mum on July 9th, 2006 3:21 am

Another me too here :) Guess at least you know it’s not just you ;) Hope you had a lovely, restful sleep.
Angela on July 10th, 2006 11:33 am

Kate, you are definately not alone in feeling like this, just from reading the past comments it seems we all seem to be all over the place LOL, me included…. I really should enjoy the “now” more. TFS