To School or not to School...

Since the Twinadoes turned five people everywhere are telling them how exciting it is that they will go to school next year. Well yes, it would be exciting for them, if they were going to school next year.

twins

It’s not something I’ve blogged much about, partly because this journey has not always been easy for us, but mostly to give the girls some time to just enjoy what they are doing now, without the whole world focussing on what they will or won’t be doing next year. But now that the school year is over and this year’s kinder is all but done, now that the decision has been made and we are all happy and content that we made the right one, now that it is all settled I feel ok with shouting it to the world… The girls will not be going to school next year.

This year has been very up and down when it came to the girls and kinder (preschool). For the most part they have loved going to kinder and they have grown up in so many ways, but I would be lying if I said it was all a bed of roses. They have taken almost the whole year to settle in to being part of a group. They have had a really hard time making friends and coping with the social world of kinder. They both struggle with one or two little things and don’t cope well with set backs. They are still stuck together with glue and don’t cope well without the other one there to support them. None of these things are so terrible, none of them mean that they really couldn’t have gone to school, but when their teacher offered up the idea of a second year of kinder we decided that if we could get the funding we would take it.

I will admit that I struggled early on with making this decision. I’d come to the point where I’d almost forgotten how much of a struggle it was with the girls in their first year. I had pretty much been able to put all that prem baby stuff behind us. It was no longer something always haunting us, we were no longer always worrying about long term effects or looking for problems. There are a lot less people pointing to them on the street and exclaiming about them being twins and I thought we’d got to that point where they were really just like any other kids… Then all this came to a head and I was right back in that place of worry and wondering and hurting for them being ‘different’.

They’ve come so far from those tiny little babies who couldn’t even breath on their own and while kinder was a struggle at times they’d really blossomed and become so much more social than ever before… yet I couldn’t deny there were still some issues…

Maybe they are just generally shy kids, is that so terrible? Does everyone have to be out going and overly sociable and have heaps of friends? Maybe they’ll always need each other. Maybe they will be those kind of freaky identical twins who marry other identical twins and live next door to each other because they can’t bear to be apart? Is that so terrible? I am not a twin, I have no idea what their bond is like, how can I pass judgement on that? Twins are different, their bond is different… is that necessarily bad?

Ok sure, I had hoped that the tantrums and outburst might have lessened a bit by now too. And sure I know that some of their crazy fears and idiosyncrasies were not doing them any favours. But I also know how stubborn they both are, how if they don’t want to do something they are not going to do it… no matter what… and how if you dig your heels in they will dig a hundred times deeper and they can scream louder and hold out longer than anyone I have ever met. As much as it drives me nuts every day, I can quietly admit that I like the fact that my girls have some spunk, that they stand their ground.

I can see how all of these things were not helping them easily be part of the group at kinder and how they could possibly make school just that little bit harder. I am not so sure that they are all negatives in the big scheme of things, but I can see how right now, they are making things a little difficult sometimes.

What clinched it though was merely the fact that another year of kinder could only be good, whereas sending them to school if they were even a little bit not ready had the potential to be really bad. In my mind there are very few negatives to another year of kinder. Another year of being home more than ‘at school’. Another year with more time for them to play in the sand pit, make mud pies, roam around outside. Another year of fun, hands on play and learning…. it kind of seems like a non-contest when you look at it that way.

I am not anti school. Every now and then I toy with the idea of home-schooling but the girls will most likely be going to a mainstream, all be it small and ‘progressive’, local state school when the time comes. But I also tend to believe that once kids start school they loose so much time to simply be kids, to follow their own paths, ideas and dreams and they begin to be expected to learn things that adults think are important and in ways adults want them to…. and I am not so much a fan of that, especially not for little kids.

So far the girls are not too bothered by the fact that their kinder friends are all going off to school and they aren’t. They wouldn’t have gone to school with anyone from kinder anyway, and it helps that we know several other kids who will either be home schooled, or who will start kinder a year later etc. They are very excited to start at their new kinder (one closer to the school they will go to) after a visit to discover they have budgies and chooks and all kinds of cool things. They seem to accept without bother when I tell them they will go to school when they are six and that everyone does what they need to do when they are ready to do it. Even with every man and his dog assuming they will go to school (and I understand that assumption, I am sure I have made it myself on many occasions) they don’t seem rattled, they simply reply ‘not next year, we are going to new kinder next year’, and for me that really clinches the deal… they are happy so we are happy.

I’ve lost some sleep over this, I am quite sure that we’ve made the right decision. The Twinadoes will do a second year of four year old kinder next year and we are so looking forward to

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12 Comments so far

Oh I so understand what you must have gone through. Although I don’t have twins, I do have a little 5 year old who finds the structure in things difficult to handle. He is sociable, lovable, quite bright, copes with change and very thoughtful. He draws, writes, builds and carries on to his hearts content. BUT he cannot sit still, he cannot concentrate at group time (he does fine doing an activity on his own, sometimes sitting drawing for an hour or more) and the pre-school teacher suggested we look at another year. But honestly he has already done 5 terms of preschool, and then 2 terms of ‘pre-entry’ (3 year old kinder/preschool) and I believe in need of a change. He has also been to childcare, albeit not fulltime, since he was about 5 months old. But like you I thought, debated with myself, even played with the thought of home schooling. My two other boys entered main stream with no issue, I was never concerned, they did 3 terms of Reception (Kinder in the eastern states) and went into Year One in South Australia with no problems, in the ACT they are a little behind, as they are a little younger than the rest, but are coping fine. Good on you for making the decision, I am sure the girls will love their second year of kinder, and I am sure they will flourish and continue to grow like they already have. (hmm sorry about the long comment) Kx

Kudos to you for making the right decision for you and your girls, as opposed to the ‘expected’ decision.
I think it is wonderful that they will have another year to thrive in an environment that seems to have done well for them (not that it matters what I think, anyway!).

On the twin thing – I completely agree that their bond is unique and not something that others can really understand. While they are happy being so close, how can we say it’s a bad thing?

Well, you know I think you made the right choice (because, well, my opinion on this matter is really all that counts, right – c’mon humour me, I’m getting old (tomorrow) and senile, I won’t even remember posting this in an hour’s time…

I know giving Erik (who is immensely intelligent, because this has NOTHING to do with a lack of intelligence) the extra couple of years he needed made a HUGE difference for him. As you know, he started school at 7.5, completely skipped preps (with no kinder attendance at all), and is cruising along at “starting a year later level”… When he finally did start school, he had so much more social confidence than he would have had at 5.5 (the age he “should” have started school at)… Best decision he ever made was to wait…

Good for you making the best choice for your family! We do 4-year preschool with the peapod squad next fall and I’m open to whatever feels right after then. Multiples are just different in so many ways. Though it is difficult to not go along with the “popular” paths, we owe it to our miracles to choose wisely for them during these critical years. Personally, I think the whole over-emphasis on school is bordering on dangerous for some children.

Just keep doing what feels right for the Twinadoes. They are blessed to have you in their corner!

what a fabulous Mum you are!

My second son went to school and then turned 6 in the April. It was the best decision we ever made. Every child is different, but for him the extra time allowed him to grow in self confidence and adjust better in larger social settings. When people ask me for advice on the issue, I am similar to you. There is no harm in an extra year with more time at home, but send them when they are not ready and you could set up issues for school that will last for years.

They grow up so fast – enjoy the year with them next year.

well done for you doing what is right for your children….
I also have twins….and while they are not identical.they are very close and have been in the same class since Kindergarten and next year will go into Year 4.
I also have an older DD whose b/d is in June.we held her back and it was the best thing we ever did.

I kept my oldest and youngest back for that extra year – best decision I ever made. You’re absolutely right – another year at home won’t hurt them, but a bad start to school too early might.

Glad you are happy with your decision :-) I know it has kept you up.

On a selfish note-Tannah isn’t ready for them to start school lol.

Good on you hun – I wish I had kept back my Bella in preschool – her birthday is in August and she is one of the youngest in her grade. She struggles hard with a lot of the emotional aspects of her peers and sometimes it hurts to see it happening to her. But I learned from it and I made sure that Tasha didn’t go to prep until she was ready (her birthday is in December) – I had to fight the system tooth and nail, get her checked by a counselor only to be told what I knew all along, that she wasn’t ready! HA! So good on you for sticking to your guns and going with what you know is right for your girls!

Good on you for making this big decision! My girls are starting kindy next year and honestly I have no idea how they will go, they seem perfectly ready when they are at home, but they are so different when there are lots of other kids around. We will just have to wait and see what happens.

I’m so happy my boy isn’t going next year. He wouldn’t have been ready. Socially he would have struggled and possibly been disruptive…and who knows how the rest of his schooling would have unfolded from that point…

Anyway the decision is the hard bit. Once you’ve made it you’re off and running!

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