Sometimes I want to be someone I’m not.
I can’t help it.
I want to be fabulously cool in a relaxed ‘don’t have to try too hard’ kind of way.
I want to be organised and on top of things and have people think ‘wow she makes it look easy’.
I want to do amazing things and be fabulously successful all the time.
I want to have awesome hair and to rock my curves like I know they deserve to be rocked.
But I am not those people.
I thought I’d grown out of the whole ‘I wish I was’ thing, but it seems not.
These days, I am much, much more confident about who I am, and the choices I’ve made, but I am still struck down by the wishing disease every now and then.
That bugs me, but maybe it isn’t all bad.
Perhaps there are things to be learnt from wanting to be someone else.
Why do I want to be those people?
What is so important about being cool, or organised, or successful, or looking good?
How can I do my own version of those things?
Ok so I will never be entirely that person.
I will never be ultra organised, I will always stress over things, I will always have to let some opportunities pass by, I will always have more bad hair days than good and I will never ever love my side boobs….
But maybe I can be more organised, maybe I can get better at the worrying thing, maybe I can make some goals for the future, and maybe there are other curves that I can rock besides the extra boobs that grow out of my arm pits.
Do you ever want to be someone you are not?
How do you confront that beats, learn from it and let it go?
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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
ahhh you made me giggle with the armpit boobs!
i like you just the way you are!!!
I want to be the person who enjoys exercise and bounces out of bed in the morning ready to enjoy a new day.
oh yes I forgot… I want to be that person too! LOL
Kate. You are beautiful. Just as you are. You are perfect just for being you. I loved meeting you last weekend. I was so nervous to do so but, I think you are so amazing. You just have to give yourself a little slack. You are all of those wishes and more.
Sometimes I’d like to get out of my own skin so I can get out of my own way. That probably makes no sense. But I’d like to be the person I am on the inside not absolutely paralysed by fear or nervousness or an attack of the just plain awkward.
you know, that makes total sense to me. I think it sums up the feeling very well!
I agree with Tiff , you are and were gorgeous to meet.
I just want to be me well without my lumps & bumps – but definitely a more organised me would be an improvement.
I want to be more gentle, a calmer mother. I won’t to always be present for my children. I want to be with them fully. I want them to find delight in being with me. I want them to want to play with me. I want to not get stressed. I want to not get angry.
I want, I want…… this is the mother I want to be. But I’m not. At least not right now. But I confront this. I face it. And everyday I work (sometimes a lot, sometimes a little) towards being more like this mother. It’s really hard (and I mean, really really hard) but I feel that if I’m trying (a little or a lot), then I like myself just a little bit more.
So yes, I so often want to be someone I’m not.
yes! I think this is the key… not to just sit here wishing to be a better or different person but to take steps, however how tiny to be the best person we can be!
Oh, Kate, you know I had this same conversation with myself in my head this morning. And once upon a time I would stick a finger down my throat, or eat only 1000 calories a day or do absolutely ridiculous things. Then I see photos of the conference I think, God I’m so pale. Ech. Wish I was tanned.
I now just push them down. I try to concentrate on things I’m good at. Or, well. Okay at.
You’re not alone xxx
Hey Kate, you’re clever, funny and you have a REALLY cute blog header (and, I believe, you made it yourself). So I think I’d like to be a bit more like you!
Yep, most days I struggle with that. :( Why do we do this to ourselves????
It’s
It’s? It’s probably something really profound that just didn’t make it into your comment yes??? LOL
Kate, I love the way you rock your curves! And you do amazing things ALL the time! I’m in awe of your blog. And you’ve done it all whilst simultaneously caring for FOUR children. AMAZING.
I can relate to Francesca’s comment too. What I wouldn’t give to me a more gentle and calm mother…to be ‘present’ for them.
Loved meeting you, you seemed so cool and laid back while I was a bundle of nerves!
You’re fabulous and perfectly perfect ;)
I understand what you mean, I used to imagine myself with curly, highlighted hair and how different my life would be, I would wear high heels and never be seen without lipstick. I would have an armful of dangly braclets and just be different. Now I don’t think about being someone else as such, I think about being more me. A brighter, more intense, happier, more connected version of myself. If that makes any sense.
Nice post and I’m sure many readers can relate. I feel that way sometimes and crazy as it sounds, I sometimes dress up real fancy and go out and pretend I’m that confident, crafty, cool mum. And I think I am becoming it slowly.
Oh Kate! Yes Often, mainly I want the body I used to have wothout any effort, the energy I used to have, the creative genius of blogger x, cooking skills of blogger y and planning/organisation skill of blogger z. If I stepped away from the computer I’d only have half the ‘ wishIwas’es ‘ lol
… being able to type at the speed I think, thus enabling me to spell correctly would also be desirable ;)
There are things in life I would love to let go of.
As I know other things would be better or I could breath more easily.
But letting go
is hard
And that is all I know.
So sorry I have no answers, just I know what you mean
yep, letting go is hard….
I wonder why we are so hard wired to wish we were someone else?
In my next life I would like to always be “well groomed” and be helpless so everyone felt the need to do things for me rather than having to do everything myself. Ooooo does that mean I’d be Cinderella?
Kate I think you are an awesome mother and wife. Look at all the great things you do and forget those others.
I wish I knew who the “me” I wanted to be was. The “me” that isn’t someones mother, someones wife, an employee, whatever, but then I find that even I can’t see who I am outside of these definitions.
And, besides, I wish I took better pictures, like yours, and could design stuff and still work up the courage to digitally scrapbook (yes, stupid, I know, but it took me until I had finished university to get the courage to use the internet!) so remember that sometimes you are also the someone that someone else would wish to be :)
One day I am going to sit you down and show you how easy digi scrapping is…
And one day we’ll both figure out who we are…. as well as who we want to be!
iPhone comment fail.
I think it’s human nature to want what we may not (or think we may not) have.
I might have body confidence but I long to stick to a budget and meal plan for example.
There is always a quality that another person will admire about you-even if you are busy admiring someone else.
Diversity is an awesome thing.
Also, I am envious of your impulse control xoxo
Last saturday I wanted to be the sort of person who could walk into a room full of people I didn’t know at the Aussie bloggers conference with confidence and ease instead of dive under the nearest table to hide :)
I think if we realised that these thoughts were going on in the heads of the people we would never have believed would have these thoughts, we’d feel better.
oh me too. I hid behind my baby and then kicked myself for not meeting all the people I wanted to meet!
That is why I have a blog.
I can BE that person there.
And then I go to a freaking conference and blow my cover.
Dammit.
Everyone feels that way lovely. You see the faults and we see your beauty.
I think you’re pretty freakin’ awesome as you are :)
I totally understand the sentiment though… I always feel like I could/should be more more more. Look less feral bogan, get some exercise, you know all that stuff lol.
The best thing Tupperware ever did for me was show me the power of fake it til you make it. Words I live by :)
ah yes ‘fake it till you make it ‘ words to live by!
Simply gorgeous! You and this post. I laughed out loud re the ‘side boobs’. I’ll never love mine either ;-). I’d love to be someone that doesn’t procrastinate as much as me; has more willpower; and can actually get out of bed at 6am to do yoga every day.
It was lovely to meet you and the littlest pickle on the weekend. t x.
no way… you so don’t have side boobs! And here I was wishing I was as gorgeous and stylish as you!!
I wish I could meet people the way our kids did it at the breakfast. I want to be that sort of person that walks up to people they want to meet and just start talking :-)
Failing that I like to surround myself with friends who are good at everything and then hope it will rub off on me – or at least hope that people will assume I’m just like them!!
xxxCate
I think we all look at other people and think “wow, she really has it all together, she’s a success” and we fail to see that people might look at us the same way. I look at your blog and think, wow, this is really professional, she writes well, she is articulate, “she makes it look easy.”
So I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself!
All. The. Time.
I wish I wasn’t such a deep thinker. That I didn’t worry so much what people think of me. That I wasn’t so intense and anxious. I wish a lot. But at the end of the day I’m me. And my family seem to want to be with me (mostly). And I try not to please people anymore…but do they right thing instead. Right for me and my family. And this has made it a little easier to accept who I am.
What? You’re not cool, organised, successful and someone who looks good? I don’t believe it ;) Seriously. But I totally get where you are coming from. Oh, and love that pic.