I need to remember…

Will I ever have any space?
Will I have to fight this child to sleep every night?
Will he ever go to sleep?

I roll over and turn my back on the tossing, turning, screeching, toddler.

My eyes fall on my big boy.
In his almost too small bed.
Asleep.

I remember when it was that boy screeching and fighting sleep.
I remember when he woke every 45 minutes.
I remember when he had to run his scratchy little fingers up and down my arms and drive me insane in order to fall asleep.

As the current toddler head butts me, I roll over and start the patting and rocking all over again, but this time I remember…

I remember that these nights won’t last forever.
I remember that one day this one will be almost too big for the toddler bed.
I remember that one day he will only need a quick cuddle and story before he falls asleep… on his own.

“This too shall pass” they say…
and it will.

Despite the current ‘never ending days’ soon they will be gone.
Soon I will have all the space I could ever dream of, and soon I will miss these days…

How quickly I forget…
And there are so many many things I need to remember….

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  1. heather hemphill says

    i wrote a comment, and it is gone, my computer is acting wacky. so sorry if this is double.
    thanks for this, i needed to tonight, and every night actually! my dd is three and still really only sleeps good if she is in our bed. I joke about turning her room into an art studio/classroom and getting bunk beds in our room. yet….one day I will beg for her to snuggle w/ me and say mommy i love you. thanks :-)

    • katef says

      It will get better!
      My four year old puts himself to sleep (listening to a story on CD) and although he is in a toddler bed in the corner of our room, that’s only because we have no where else to put him.
      It will get better… promise!

  2. cate says

    this brought me to tears. perhaps it is the lack of sleep getting to me, or perhaps it’s because this is just the reminder I need. thanks.

  3. says

    I think the thought that it is just for a season kept me sane when my little ones were really little and would reset their body clocks to a regular 3am partytime.

  4. says

    I’m doing all this for the first time with my toddler, and was repeating to myself continuously the other night “this will pass, this will pass, this will pass.” You’re not alone! You have captured the feeling of being stuck in a moment so perfectly. Thank you!

  5. says

    you must be reading my mind kate as i am having constant battles of getting my 21 meh old to sleep. she is in a cot, won’t lie down, does not want to go to sleep and screams. I have to leave her but am wondering when it will stop? I want to transfer her to a big bed but concerned the problem will only get worse when she can get out. Seeking ideas as well ! xx

  6. says

    Such true and beautiful words, Kate.. this is such a special time in our lives, full of extremes – hardships and special moments. My daughter is teething right now and the knowledge that she won’t be grumbly for ever keeps me sane and reminds me to try savour what I know I’ll miss not too long from now.

  7. says

    This is too true. Miss 18 months is sleeping 12-14 hours in her own bed… walking around like she’s 10 and talking to use like a little conversationalist! So hard to think she was once a screaming newborn who slept, ate and pooped! We must cherish even the screams and sleepless nights because they’re gone too quick!
    Baby #2 on it’s way in June… we’ll start again! xx

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