Every now and then I have these bone chilling moments when I can’t quite believe this is my life.
Usually things are whizzing past me so quickly that I don’t have time to stop and think, I just keep doing, keep going and all is well with the world.
But sometimes… sometimes it hits me like a tonne of bricks…
These are MY children.
I have twins.
I, me, I.
I have a boy child who is almost five, and one who is almost two.
Four. 4. FOUR.
I remember the day they told me there was two in there, the day I knew something was terribly wrong and the tiny little fleeting cry that told me they were born alive.
I remember how tiny they were and how long the days in hospital seemed and how much longer they seemed once they were home and refusing to eat and crying and crying.
I remember the last days before my big boy was born when I was sure I could never birth a baby on my own. And then I remember how freaking awesome I thought I was after I did in fact birth him, all 4.6 kgs of him, on my own. (ok I still may think I’m rather awesome because of that.)
I remember how big my girls seemed the morning they met their brother.
I remember the day when Morgan was only 8 weeks old and we rushed from the library trailing blood with three of Zoe’s teeth smashed beyond repair.
I remember the day he wore his frilly skirt and hard hat to the shop, and his beautiful white curls.
I remember the week before Noah was born. How it was full of trips to the airport and ballet rehearsals and birthday dinners for my big boy. I remember not even realising how close I was to having a baby until minutes before he was born, and I remember crying the day after because I was missing the girls’ ballet concert even though I had been at everyone before then and everyone one since.
I remember the day my father-in-law died.
I remember ballet concerts, and first days, and appointments.
I remember the day we bought this house.
I remember the day I called an ambulance.
I remember first steps, and birthdays and Christmases.
I remember water running down the inside of our walls, and meeting friends for the first time and the way they tell me they love me.
It’s all there, jumbling around in my head and I sometimes I can’t believe that any of these memories, these people, this life, belongs to me.
Then I remember how lucky I am.
What are you remembering?
Feel free to write your own remembering post, or leave a comment telling me your rememberings. There is no rules, no time frames, no official linky… but if you’d like to join in, please do! If you blog a remembering please leave me a comment with the link so I can come read it and share it.