Time for a few gratefuls….

This week I am thankful.

* I am thankful for blogging friends who knit gorgeous cardigans for my new boy! Thank you so much to the lovely Pixie who knitted the gorgeous cardigan Quatro is wearing in the above photo!

* I am thankful to be able to listen to my big girls read each night and watch them swell with pride as they master each new book.

* I am thankful for a baby who sleeps, even when he doesn’t.

* I am thankful for my Mum.

* I am thankful my children have an awesome father who can comfort his over tired, cranky, upset tummy baby for half an hour while I have a bath.

* I am thankful for all the lovely comments, congratulations and good wishes we’ve gotten from everyone at school this week as they’ve met our new boy.

* I am thankful for orange juice and wagon wheels.

* I am thankful for a Middle Boy who sits next to his baby brother and tells him about all the people who love him.

* I am thankful for my lovely OB who was on holidays when Quatro was born, but who rang me ‘just for a chat to see how you’re going’ the day he got back.

* I am thankful for our wood burning fire… it’s been brrrrr freezing around here this week!

* I’m thankful to be part of a great group of Aussie Mum Bloggers … and to be flogging my blog with Mummy Time on Flog Yo Blog Friday!

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Christie from Childhood101 asked me

“Do you parent the way you thought you would before you had children?”

I’ve been pondering variations on this question for a little while now. You see, I got an invitation to attend my 20 year high school reunion the other day (oh I am so old!), and it made me wonder….

If I my answer to the obligatory high school reunion question “so what do you do now?” was – “I am a stay at home mum to our four kids, living in the country, gardening, cooking from scratch and parenting with a definite crunchy flair…” Would people be surprised?

Would my old high school friends have expected me to turn out like this?? Did I expect me to turn out like this? Is this what I thought my life would be like? Am I the sort of parent I thought I would be?

Yes and No.

I don’t doubt my high school friends all expected that I would get married and have kids. I think I’ve always been the maternal, baby sitting, kid loving, type. No surprises there, I thought I’d get married and have kids too! I didn’t, however, think I’d have this many kids, nor did I ever think I’d feel so strongly about staying at home with my children, or about how I parent them. And only in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine living anywhere but in the city. Gardening and cooking from scratch? These things are important? and satisfying? Are you kidding me??

When I was studying and first working in child care I took a very traditional ‘behaviourist’ type view about children and parenting. Back then, if you had asked me what I thought of parents who ‘let their child sleep in their bed’ I would have told you that they needed to set some limits and not let their child ‘rule the home’. If you had asked me how to deal with a child’s behaviour I would have been all about the praise and rewards with a few star charts thrown in for good measure.

Ah the assumptions I made, the judgements, the ‘us v’s them’ mentality of parents/adults and children….

Over the years I learnt a LOT while teaching preschool and studying… my views about children changed a lot, and, along with them, my views about what sort of parent I would be.

I admit, I was still shocked when I saw a mother openly breastfeed her toddler, making loads of assumptions about why on earth someone would do that. But, not long after that I learnt of the phrase ‘attachment parenting’ and not long after that I was pregnant and then it all seemed to make sense and feel right.

These days I not only ‘let’ my children sleep in my bed, I encourage it and believe it is a safe and appropriate place for babies and children to sleep. And now I am the one breastfeeding my toddlers and doing so with an understanding of all the reasons it is important and appropriate.

Having grown up with a Mum who was always there for us when we were little (she didn’t go back to work till I, the youngest, started school) and parents who were always interested and responsive I think I took it for granted that I would do the same. So making the leap from there to a more alternate, hippy-la-la, parenting philosophy probably isn’t so unusual. The unusual thing for me is doing something different to the ‘norm’.

Back in high school I was a wallflower and I liked it that way. I just wanted to quietly fit in, have a few friends do ok at school and pretty much do what everyone else was doing. I am not a rebel in any sense of the word and standing out or being different is definitely not my thing. So to take an openly different view on something as big as parenting is in the life of a 30 something year old…. back then, I would never have believed that would be me.

I still like to fit in and so I admit I do pursue some of my ‘different’ parenting ideals in a more quiet way. I don’t advertise to the world that we co-sleep or breastfeed past 12 months or any of the other ‘odd’ things we do, but I don’t hide it either. I will stand up and be counted on issues that I think are important and I while I won’t begin an argument on parenting styles I am not afraid to explain my position either. But mostly I won’t compromise what I feel is important for my children, not for other people, and not even for my desire to ‘fit in’ and be a wall flower.

Did I expect to be this parent? In some ways yes, in some ways no. All in all, I am not surprised I parent the way I do, I am just surprised I have found the confidence and motivation to be a little different.

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“What’s the most *ahem* badass thing you’ve ever done in your life?”

Well now lets see…

I once wagged double biology and nicked off home to watch Days of Our Lives.

Um… er…. I accidentally ‘shop lifted’ two tiny pink baby shirts because I’d hung them on the pram handle and forgotten about them when I left K-mart.

Um… you see I am not really the ‘bad ass’ type.

I was pretty square in high school, and I was lucky enough to have pretty cool parents so I never really had anything to rebel against either. In my wild and footloose twenties, I couldn’t quite detach the responsible bit of me all together. So while I had my fair share of ‘drinking till I vomit down the stairs in my best friend’s house’ moments and the occasional ‘try this slightly illegal substance’ I was always the one who managed to magically make sure we had $50 for the taxi ride home and be sober enough to direct the driver safely there.

All of which makes me sound oh so boring…. so I’ve been quietly trawling the dark recesses of my brain trying to remember something really bad ass that I’ve ever done. And here is the best I could come up with…

I broke into a house once.

I was pretty little when I did this… though I can’t remember exactly how old, but I can’t have been much more than 7 or 8.

I was with my brother and some kids who lived in our street and we were going through a phase of likening ourselves to spies or secret agents or something. We were all convinced that a vacant house in our street was occupied by robbers, or hid secret clues or treasures. The house has been empty for a long long time, it was old and run down. We’d scoped out the outside of the house on several occasions coming up with more and more wild stories about it. On this particular occasion we were determined to get a look inside… which was when we discovered a small window was unlocked. Me, being small and the only girl, I was immediately volunteered to go in through the window and open the front door for the others. So, you know, not wanting to be kicked out of the gang, I did.

In through the window, run like buggery to open the front door…. only to find everyone else had gotten scared and run off and left me!!!

And even more disappointing…. the house didn’t have any secrets or treasures… so I shut the front door after myself and went home.

And that is possibly the most bad ass thing I have ever done.
Oh man I am so lame!

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* Watching the school playground drain of children as soon as the ‘pre bell’ music goes in the morning. Especially this morning when I saw several children running happily to class singing along to “Don’t Worry…. be Happy!”

* Vitawheats with butter and Vegemite.

* Chickens bok-boking around our garden

* All three kids curled up on the couch, all intertwined together, watching a DVD.

* My smallest wearing and loving clothes his big sisters wore and love. Who cares if the gumboots are pink or the hat has a flower on it!

* Making a spare of the moment cake and having the whole lot scoffed in one sitting after dinner.

* Admiring my boy’s new hair cut… while at the same time ignoring all the bits I didn’t do perfectly.

* Watching the three outside children watch the inside child moving around in my belly.

* Meeting new people – now normally the mere thought of that would have me quaking in my boots but I found some brave today and went and met up with some other Melbourne Bloggers and had a fab time. Thanks to Planning Queen for organising it – pop over and see her post about the event.

* Flogging Ma Blog – join in with Mummy Time :)

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Last Week Squiggle Mum blogged about Joy and it really struck a chord with me.

The notion that there I things that I do that don’t always make me deliriously happy but I can still do them ‘with joy.’

There are lots of things I need to do with ‘more joy’.

Bedtime.
Some times putting the kids to bed is lovely, but at the moment, more often than not, I am so tired I just want them all in bed asleep so I can do that too. That seems to suck a lot of joy out of bedtime, and I need to fix that.

Dinner.
A big part of me is very proud that I cook for my family. I cook good food, often from scratch and I spend time thinking, learning and working on ways to do it better. But deciding what is for dinner every night, juggling what we have in the cupboards with shift work and school lunch needs and arrgh… sometimes I feel so resentful that it all falls to me. Need to find the joy again!

Outside.
It’s winter. It’s cold and sometimes wet, and muddy and miserable…. but not always. Maybe a new, warm fleece jacket would help me find the outside Joy.

And then there are these other things, like laundry and dark mornings and making phone calls. I am not sure I will ever find much joy in those- but even a little bit here and there would help… focus on the positive, because there is something good about everything.

In other news…
I’m off to meet up with some other Melbourne Mum Bloggers tomorrow morning at Birdy Num Nums in Carlton. Check out the details over at Planning With Kids and come along!

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It seems I am rushing from one thing to another at the moment.

Almost every weekend in the last month has had a big event (or two) that we’ve attended…. and almost every weekend till the end of June also has some event or other we are scheduled to attend. There is commitments at the girl’s school and ballet rehearsals. Play dates (for the kids and for me) and a pretty long To Do list stuck to my notice board.

At some stage I need to stop.

I need to start saying no to things, even things that I’d quite like to do, and I find that really hard.

I have this crazy notion that if I don’t take every opportunity when I have the chance then I will never get the opportunity again. If I don’t do everything now, then the world will pass me by and it will be too late. Even though, logically, I know that is pretty ridiculous. Even though logically the only thing that will pass me by and leave me wondering why I didn’t say yes more often will be childhood, my kid’s childhood.

So I need to stop.
I need to for my tired body’s sake and for my tired mind’s sake and for my tired children’s sake.

There is one or two things we simply can’t say no to, and a hand full of things on my list that I have committed to finishing…. but the rest I need to set aside. There is about seven weeks left of term, which means 7-9 (please don’t let it be more than nine) weeks left before #4 arrives and I need that time for myself and my family.

So I am declaring the next eight weeks (and then some) a time for ‘No Plans’. It doesn’t mean we won’t go anywhere or do anything, it just means I am not making any promises to anyone. No firm commitments and no crazy saying yes just because I am worried no one will ever ask again. We are going to stay home, re-group and get on top of all the things that have gotten on top of us lately… or at least try!

Wish me luck!

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I first met Mel at a local playgroup… um… what 2 years ago now maybe? She’s is such a warm, friendly and lovely person and her passion for what she does is truly inspiring. I am so pleased to be able to contribute a little here and there and to watch her and her family’s dreams become reality.

The new shop, 651 Burwood Road Hawthorn (right near the Auburn road junction), is just bursting with gorgeous goodies. All the lovely toys that you know from their web site, as well as lots of new toys and her new range of eco friendly baby items. There are gorgeous clothes, skin care, baby carriers and loads more… these photos really don’t do it justice.

Please note – this is not a paid or sponsored post. I am blogging this in support of a friend and in celebration of a lovely day.

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Things I wish I knew…

I wish I knew why I grow babies that all like to live up under my ribs.

I wish I knew how to say no sometimes.

I wish I knew why it always rains at school drop off or pick up.

I wish I knew why Izzy thought I’d like that bright red sparkley lip gloss at the school Mothers Day stall.

I wish I knew where I put the extra staples.

I wish I knew a magic spell to magic my kids to bed early so they’d happily get up early tomorrow.

Ah there is just so much I wish I knew….

One thing I do know… I am going to be at the opening of Eco Toys and Baby new real live shop tomorrow. I’m helping out with a little craft activity for the kids. So if you happen to live in Melbourne, stop by 651 Burwood rd, Hawthorn East and say hello!

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I could be, but I’m not.

I’m not because I’m 30-gazillion weeks pregnant and no one is real keen on you flying to China when you are 30-gazillion weeks pregnant.

When I got the initial email I spent hours wandering around the house saying to anyone who would listen (including the two year old who just didn’t get it and then tweeting with a dear friend who did get – thankyou!)…
“They want to send me to China. Me? Surely this isn’t for real”.

It took me 24 hours to get my head around it. Just long enough to figure out that the timing sucked for me and to speak to the official ‘Coke Dude’ who did in fact confirm it was ‘for real’, and agree that my ever expanding middle was going to rule me out of the big trip.

Despite being a bit disapointed that I couldn’t go, I was still totally dazzled by the whole affair. I read quite a few ‘Mommy Blogs’ from the US. I’ve heard about the fabulous trips various companies take their chosen bloggers on, the freebies, the give aways, the marketing deals. I’d even begun to see similar things trickle through the ‘Mum Blogger’ world here in Australia but I just didn’t see my blog being in that league. I still don’t.

Truth be told I am still dazzled by it all.
They were really going to send me to China!
Me?
And I don’t even like Coke – well unless it is frozen and I am pregnant.
I’d never let my kids drink it… actually I can count the number of times they’ve had any kind of soft drink on one hand!
Surely they’ve made a mistake.
But they were really going to send me to China!!??!!

I’ve had a few weeks now with those thoughts rattling around inside my head, along with a million others. Today the other four headed off on their big trip and I find myself sitting here partly green as all get out, and partly relieved.

Yes, I said relieved.
I am relieved that I didn’t have to make the decision to go or not go.

I am not a socially brave person. It would have taken a lot of courage for me to climb aboard a plane and spend five days overseas, on my own, with people I had never met before. I’d like to think I would have found that courage, but maybe not.

It would have also been really REALLY hard for me to leave my kids. That sounds like a pathetic ‘poor deprived mother who’s whole life revolves around her kids’ thing… and partly it is, but I am not ashamed of that.

Who would have looked after my kids? A trip with short notice would have caused havoc with my family. I know leave could have been taken and holiday plans cancelled, but it would have meant my family giving up things that were important to them…. for me.

And then there is the other big question that is still looming over my head…. Do I want to be affiliated with a big company like Coca Cola?

There are other companies I would have easily and immediately said no. Some companies I couldn’t personally support because of their ethical and/or environmental practices. I don’t pretend to be hugely socially aware about these things, nor do I take the moral high ground and protest or even discuss issues like this very often, but I do feel I have a responsibility to myself (and to my family since this blog is mostly about them) to be careful about who I support and what companies and products I put my name to.

The bright lights of a flashy trip over seas and even more so, of being recognised as a blogger, that feeling of importance…. I was easily dazzled by these things. I was wowed and won over in one short email offering me the trip of a life time before I even had an inkling of what I may have to give in return. Being forced to say no has given me some much needed time and space to dim those dazzling lights a little and think things through.

I’ve been able to communicate with the ‘Coke Dude’ and discuss their Live Positively campaign and what I might have to offer (not to mention why they thought I’d have anything to offer in the first place). I’ve had time to talk with people who know more about these things than I do and who’s opinions I value. I’ve asked questions and sought opinions and discussed ethical issues, environmental issues, marketing, publicity and big corporations and more.

I don’t have any clear answers as I don’t think there is one ‘right or wrong’ or ‘yes or no’….
So I may not be sitting on a plane right now, and I may be a little (ok a lot) green with envy over that…. but hopefully I’ll still have a part to play with Coke in the future, and hopefully it will be a positive one!

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“Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night” – Hal Borland

I’m still working on finding some joy in these colder days… The autumn leaves we collected for an exciting weekend project did help a little, even if I did freeze my fingers off while collecting them!

I play Wordless (well almost) Wednesday at Five Minutes for Mom.

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