Eight.
EIGHT!
How on earth did they get to be eight!?!
Eight and still as crazy wonderful as ever!

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Eight is a post from: picklebums.com

Our girls are about to turn eight, and after 8 years of parenting twins I’ve been asked many an odd question about twins and have learnt a lot about these strange creatures. Here are some answers to some of the common questions we are asked…

Identical twins are conceived when ONE egg is fertilised by ONE sperm and then later splits creating two babies. It is not known why this occurs, but it is not thought to be genetic. So that means it could happen to anyone, with any pregnancy, even you.

Our girls were born 11 weeks early due to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. This is a complication that only affects identical twins who share a placenta. It sucks, but detection and treatment has improved a lot in the past eight years.

It is ok if you don’t know who is who, just ask, they’ll tell you.

You may think you are clever, or funny, or just making conversation, but we’ve heard all those comments eleventyhundred times before so how about next time you simply say “Aren’t you lucky to have such beautiful children.”

However, they are the same sex, the same age, the same size and spend a heck of a lot of time together. It makes sense that they’d like the same things and have the same taste in clothes.

They are (almost) 8 year old girls, what did you expect??

However, they were born (via c-section) almost simultaneously (they had to be because of the TTTS), Izzy is marked as older because she was ‘twin 1′ (the twin closest to the exit) and you must legally record a different time of birth for twins.

I love my girls more than life itself, we are so very lucky to have them and I wouldn’t change who they are for the world… BUT…. not everyone dreams of having twins, especially after they have them. Personally I find the negatives of twins outweighs the positives. So don’t be surprised if your “Oh I wish I had twins’ gets a less than enthusiastic reaction.

I know there there are a LOT of fabulous ‘Mother’s of Multiples’ who blog, so I’m hoping that they will pop in and leave a comment adding to the things people should know about twins!

Joining in with Yay For Home’s Things I Know link up!

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Things You Should Know About Our Twins is a post from: picklebums.com

I saw Zoe’s brain today… well on a screen anyway.

The last time I saw my girls’ brains, on a screen, they were 11 weeks old, or ‘term’ if you are working on corrected age.

The time before that, was the day I heard the words “they need to be born now, regardless of the dangers, it needs to be now.” And 24 hours later they were born, 11 weeks early.

Back when the girls were tiny, their prematurity and their twin-ness seemed to take over our entire lives.

The giant struggle just to beat the TTTS and have them both born alive, and then the struggle to get them through the weeks in hospital and the legacy of those things when they finally came home… back then it seemed like those things would always be enormous for us. Even as I watched them grow into happy, and more importantly, healthy and ‘normal’ toddlers, the fact that they were born early, still dominated our lives and my thoughts.

When they were little their ‘twin-ness’ was also such a defining factor in their lives. It dominated many many things that they did, in good and bad ways. The fact that they are identical twins seemed like it would always set them apart and be the first thing that people noticed about them and the most major thing in their lives.

When the girls were little I talked about, read about and wrote about their prematurity and their twin-ness a lot. I was one of ‘those mothers’, just a tad obsessed and over the top. I guess it was how I processed things, how I coped. I thought it would always be that way. I couldn’t imagine a day when those two things about my girls were no longer huge, all encompassing and dominant.

Today I chatted with psychologists and paediatricians and research nurses and cardiologists and it dawned on… the fact that my girls were born at 29 weeks gestation is not nearly so important any more. It is not so important when it comes to their health, and it is not so important when it comes to their daily lives. And the fact that they are identical twins, while still obvious, and still important, it is not so scary any more….

My girls have grown up. They are no longer tiny, unwell little babies. They are no longer preschoolers who can’t be apart from each other even for a minute. They are tall, lanky, happy, confident seven year olds and if you met one on the street you would have no idea of their beginnings.

And I have grown up. My world no longer revolves around how prem my babies were. My worries no longer include the fact that they are so very alike, and how that might impact them.

Beating TTTS and being born early will always have some impact on their lives, and mine, but it no longer dominates.

Being twins will always be an amazingly special thing that they have, that we have, but it no longer seems so huge and scary.

I will always walk past their bedroom as they play, or look in on them as they sleep, and stop and catch my breath. I will always be amazed that these two girls are mine, but I’ve walked that path, I’ve done that worrying, and now… we’ve moved on.

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Brains and Twins and Things. is a post from: picklebums.com

We’ve spent the day doing our part for premature baby and infant brain research. Our girls were involved in this research program when they were tiny babies in the NICU and we’ve visited several times over the years. In the above photo they are a year old and wearing their VIBeS t-shirts proudly!

Playing Wordless Wednesday with My Little Drummer Boys… lucky the lovely Trish doesn’t mind if I’m not exactly wordless!

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Wordless Wednesday – VIBeS Babies! is a post from: picklebums.com

This is Noah at 11 months old.

This is Morgan at 11 months.

This is Zoe (on top) and Izzy at 11 months old.

So who do you think Noah looks like???

Ok so this isn’t exactly wordless… so shoot me! I know that the lovely Trish from My Little Drummer Boys won’t mind so I’m linking up with her Wordless Wednesday today!

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Wordless Wednesday – Who Does He Look Like? is a post from: picklebums.com

I vote for #4, but don’t tell the others…

Playing Wordless Wednesday at My Little Drummer Boys.

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Wordless Wednesday – Who’s the Cutest? is a post from: picklebums.com

Izzy.

Izzy is funny with a cheeky sense of humour that often involves the word ‘fart’ or ‘bum’.

She throws herself on her bed and screams and wails. “You’ve ruined my life. I never get what I want. Nobody cares about how I feel. Ruined! Never! Nobody!”

Izzy is trying to perfect the cartwheel.

She wants a pet snake….when she’s old enough.

She pulls crazy faces.

She has been to school by herself (ie without Zoe) four times this year!

She thinks Sean is awesome because he is good at sports, and he’s funny.

Izzy is starting to think before she acts and do things without being asked.

She loves dancing and would like to do jazz or hip hop, as well as ballet or tap.

Izzy came third in the school cross country and is now trying to decide if she will play netball or take up running.

She wants to be a tight rope walker when she grows up. And a vet (of nocturnal animals at Healsville Sanctuary). And a Ballerina.

Izzy can almost ride her bike without training wheels.

She spends 80 cents and buys a frozen juice cup from the school canteen every Friday, rain, hail, or shine.

She reminds me of her great Aunt Sue.

She has made lots of fabulous friends at school this year but she still loves her sister best of all.

Zoe.

Zoe is thoughtful and kind and will give up what she has to make someone else happy.

She is a worrier, and a deep thinker.

She is still waiting for her front teeth to grow back.

Zoe has picked up reading effortlessly and she adores it.

She tries so hard to stop the tears but she never can and the ‘what ifs’ get the better of her every time.

She believes in fairies and unicorns.

She thinks Brayden is cool because he is a great reader, and he’s funny.

Zoe is vague and often can’t remember what she has to do ten seconds after you’ve told her.

She adores ballet and loves tap, co-ordination is finally coming together.

Zoe played netball for the first this year and while ball skills are not yet her strong point she loved every second.

She wants to be a zoo keeper when she grows up. That is all.

Zoe can skip with a short rope and a long rope.

She has decided that she doesn’t like a lot of foods any more but she’ll fight you for the last piece of artichoke in the Tuscan antipasto mix.

She reminds me of my mum.

She has made lots of fabulous friends at school this year but she still loves her sister best of all.

Izzy is seven.
Zoe is seven.
They are growing up, but they will always be my baby girls.

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2×7 is a post from: picklebums.com

On this day in 2003 I was 29 weeks pregnant, sitting in a hospital bed, waiting for the second of two nasty steroid injections we hoped would help mature our babies’ lungs. I was bored and uncomfortable and scared, knowing that our twins would be born, for better or for worse, the next day.

Today I am wrestling a four month old and entertaining a three year old while I sit cutting rainbows and hoping I have baked enough cup cakes and packed enough goody bags. I am busy and crazy and lucky, knowing that my house will be full of squealing girls at a birthday party tomorrow.

What a difference seven years can make.

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Seven Years is a post from: picklebums.com

For a while I thought she might just ‘grow out of it’. That perhaps she just needed a bit of extra time to mature emotionally. But they are almost seven now and both of our girls are ‘sensitive’, one is particularly so, and she is a worrier.

The sensitive part of her hones in on one tiny little, insignificant to most, detail and she worries and worries and worries, silently, on her own, till she has dug herself a deep dark hole and she can’t get out.

I shouldn’t really be surprised. She comes from a long line of worriers. My Grandfather was a champion worrier and I could worry for Australia given a bit of training.

I keep wanting to make it go away. To fix the sensitivities, and the worrying that see her struggling every now and then. I don’t want her to be different, I want her to be ‘average’ and to fit in easily. I want to believe that she will magically grow out of the quirks and fears and strangeness.

But my reality is slowly shifting.

A while back I sought some professional advice. We were worried about the fact that the girls didn’t (couldn’t) separate from each other without a lot of trauma. We, I, needed to know if this was a bad thing for both of them. I needed to know if I’d done the wrong thing by standing up for and supporting their togetherness.

We were lucky to find someone who was wise in the way of twins and just wise in general, and she told me something I have held on to ever since….

“Being sensitive is not a bad thing. It is not the ‘norm’ in our society, but it can be positive variation on the norm. Learning to be resilient is important, but don’t give up on the sensitive children, don’t push them to be something they are not.”

So she is sensitive.
Good.
So she worries.
Ok.

Being sensitive is not all bad.
Worrying is not the worst thing in the world.

It is part of who she is. It is part of why she loves so deeply. It is part of what makes her a good friend and sister, because she will always think of how you feel and make sure you are ok. It is part of what makes her good at things, because she thinks things over, again and again.

But what about the aspects about being a worrier that are a little less than positive? How can we help her deal with those?

We are working on resilience.

Making a plan.
There is no point in telling her ‘don’t worry, that won’t ever happen’. She can’t not worry. She needs to learn ways to cope with the worry. So when we come up against a worry the best thing to do is make a plan. We brainstorm things she could do to help in situations where she is worried. Could she ask someone to help? Who could she ask? What would she say? What things could she do to make herself feel more confident? Could she find a friend? Hold someone’s hand when she is afraid? Think happy thoughts?

Self talk.
This helps a lot. We give her words to replay in her head when she needs them.
“I can do this.”
“I can ask for help if I need to”
“Is this as bad as I think it is?”
“What are my happy thoughts?”

Timing and Knowledge
We give lots of forewarning and knowledge about things that are coming up that she might struggle with. This can sometimes be tricky, if I’m not careful with how I talk about things, I can sometimes create worries that didn’t exist. Timing is important – if we take on too many difficult things she can get over whelmed. I need to know when to say no to some things and when to block out quiet times to re-group.

Sleep and Food.
Enough of both really help. Though the sleep can be a problem as this is when she is prone to worrying herself awake for hours – a total vicious circle. We use ‘happy thoughts’, audio books and music to try and distract her from her worries long enough to fall asleep.

We are challenging her.

We gently challenge both the girls to grow and develop on their own.
We try to make time for them to do things on their own. Going fishing, one on one with Dad. Going to the library just her and me to choose books for everyone. These things help them gain confidence in their independence.

I don’t always make things easy for her.
Sometimes I am amazed at the things both girls achieve without a hint of worry, so I try not to automatically shield them from things that I think they may struggle with.

We love all our children for who they are, sensitive or not.

I am learning to accept that worrying is not the end of the world.
I don’t force her into a situation she has already expressed a lot of worry over – despite the pressure we sometimes get from others.

We accept her need for reassurance, even when we wish we didn’t have to.

We take pride in the things they all do well and celebrate when they try something they find more difficult.

We (I) grit my teeth and try to get through the tantrums and melt downs with everyone keeping their respect in tact. I try not to let it show when my heart breaks a little as she cries over something that is worrying her and I try to stand strong as her advocate when she needs me to.

We tell them all again and again how much we love them – forever and ever, always and always NO MATTER WHAT.

And I worry too.
I worry a lot.
Because I am her mum…. that is my job…. and I’m good at it.

{image created by Spell with Flickr}

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She Worries. is a post from: picklebums.com

Back whenthe girls were little, every second word out of their mouths was “why?”.
Over and over, every day, in stereo.
Back then, I thought it was tough, really tough.
But I told myself….
“This will pass… One day they will stop asking ‘why’ every five seconds.”
And they did stop asking ‘why’.

They stopped asking ‘why’, so they could starting asking incredibly complex, hard to explain in a way a 6 year old can understand, questions.

Questions like –

What does ‘zen’ mean?
What is a ‘bogan’?
Where do the waves come from?
Who decided what time it was in the very beginning?
Does sand burn?

Now I long for the good old days of ‘why’, because now I know that the difficult questions have only just begun.

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Questioning. is a post from: picklebums.com