Yesterday was one of those warm, still, days when you can see the heat haze in the distance and hear nothing but the hum of insects.
It was the kind of day that makes you feel like summer could be just beginning, instead of already gone.
It was a day for ignoring, and so I did.
I stood in the garden and ignored reality.
I ignored the creeping darkness and the cool of the evenings.
I pretended my To Do list didn’t exist and that dinner didn’t need to be cooked.
For a moment I denied the rhythm of the seasons and the unending cycle of children who need to be fed.
I am good at ignoring things.
Sometimes I need to ignore things, to pretend that there is no injustice, or hurt, or tomorrow. Sometimes it’s the only way to keep putting one foot in front of another and to get through another day.
I am not proud of it, but it is what it is.
Surely there must be worse things than to guard my sanity with a little ignorance now and then?
Today the wind is up and the grey clouds have bought rain this evening.
Today there is no denying that it is Autumn and the early darkness brings early bed times and with them, time to remember.
Tonight there is time to let down my guard and stop pretending.
Tonight there is no ignorance, just quiet tears, a little guilt and a nagging feeling that anything I could do would be such a small drop in the ocean of unfairness that it would do no good at all.
Tonight I am tempted to slip back into ignoring, but as I sit her next to my sleeping baby I think of what I would tell my children if they declared there was no point in doing anything, no point in trying, because their actions were not enough.
I would tell them every action, every small thing, every attempt at something done in goodness, love and compassion is worth it. It may not change the world, but every little thing has an effect, however small, and that is important.
So tonight I am remembering…
I am remembering to listen, remember and hug my friends who hurt, even if it is only a cyber hug.
I am remembering to read these important blog posts and share our luck, however small our contribution may be.
I am remembering to post packages and send positive vibes, even if they won’t heal all hurts.
This week I need to remember that any action, however small and insignificant they may, done to help another is worth it… so very very worth it.