It’s been a crazy busy week here at the Pickle Farm, and it ends with me spending an entire day, child free.
I’m going to the problogger event tomorrow, and for the first time I am not taking any children with me.
My logical brain says that I deserve this day to myself.
My emotional brain is busy second guessing myself and heaping on the guilt.
Why is that?
I know that me leaving for an entire day means juggling things and putting people out. I know that it is easier for me to manage the kid and house stuff because I do it every day. I know that it will stress everyone out a little because things will be different. I know that I’d never left any of my big kids when they were as little as Noey.
I also know that people are happy to step up and help. I know that my husband and my Mum are more than capable of looking after my kids and managing all the day to day stuff. I know that a little change now and then never killed anyone. I know that Noey is not my big kids, and that he will be loved and perfectly happy without me.
So why the niggling guilt?
I feel quite strongly that it is important for my husband to hang out with his mates nearly every Friday night. It is important for him to take time out to ride his bike and do stuff for himself. I support him 100% in those endeavours.
Why don’t I support that for myself?
Why do feel that time for myself is not valuable?
It’s kind of crazy.
I’m not rabid feminist so I won’t even begin to dig up all the possible women’s lib issues that could be lurking beneath all this. I am much more interested in individuals finding self worth in whatever they choose to do, and doing it with love and compassion.
I don’t often feel the need to take lots of time out to be alone, I am mostly content with a good long soak in the bath now and then. I am pretty content with my lot. I am happy with the role I play in our family. I love being a Mum and I am good at it. I don’t love the house work so much, but I do feel proud of the contribution I make to our family, and to society as a whole. I value what I do, but somehow I don’t value myself enough to take a day off without feeling guilty.
But I’m going, guilt or no guilt…. perhaps I just need practice, after all it’s a been a long time since I’ve been anywhere without the security blanket of my kids!
Do you take regular time out for yourself?
Does that infuriating ‘Mummy guilt’ niggle at you when you do?