It’s been one of those weeks where I feel like I have been chasing my tail the whole time…
Not that I have a tail. I am not some freaky half human half dog kind of creature, but if I had a tail, and if I chased it, I am sure this is what it would feel like. Like I am running really, really hard but not seeming to get anywhere!
We’ve not even had very much on this week – just the usual, kinder drop off and pick up, ballet on Monday, leaving the house mid week while The Baldy Boy slept between night shifts, but even having to co-ordinate all of that and be at these places on time (well mostly) has seemed hard this week.
I am finding more and more that I don’t like having to be somewhere at a set time with small children. Juggling Muski’s sleeps around kinder is horrible, getting him enough sleep in the gap between kinder and ballet on a Monday is impossible! Even getting the girls up and going in time for kinder is hard, even on the day they attend in the afternoon!
Sometimes I long for the easy days when there was no kinder, when we didn’t have to run to someone else’s schedule and could just meander through the day as it suited us. I sometimes dream about chucking it all in, home-schooling the kids so we can all live as happy little hermits and never have to leave the house… but.. um… er… yeah I can’t see that leading to healthy well adjusted children can you? Plus the effort we put in, that I put in, (the Baldy Boy’s efforts are much more along the lines of ‘spending every waking hour earning the money to pay for this stuff’ ) is worth it when I watch the girls run off and join their ballet class, or when they come home from kinder with a birthday invitation and enormous grins to match. I must remember these things when I am cursing the fact that I have to load everyone in and out of the car yet again!
I’ve had such a huge ‘to do’ list this week… Largely related to digi scrapping stuff and pickleberrypop.com’s birthday celebrations, but there have been other things as well. Cooking, baking, shopping, sewing, laundry (does it ever end?), gardening, designing, present making…
If I had written an actual ‘to do list’ I would have to admit there would be several things still glaring up at me from that list, and several things that I HAVE to finish today, but I have also accomplished quite a lot as well. It just doesn’t feel like I have accomplished much!
I often seem to live my life three steps ahead of myself, always wishing I had time to do this, or that, oh and this too, and then feeling harried and deflated when I can’t keep up the pace. It’s crazy really. I have read Buddhism for Mothers, I know about ‘living in the moment’. I get the concept that I should embrace the here and now, enjoy today for what it has to offer, not wish it away on too many tomorrows and ‘what ifs’. I get that, I even agree with it, I long to embrace it… I just suck at it.
So time to get off here and get back to the tail chasing… the Toy Library awaits (and no we still haven’t found the blasted sheep) thee is one last birthday present to be bought, the girls still need ballet shoes and we have two parties to attend this weekend before we start it all again on Monday!
I have to say that I feel like this sometimes too. My older boys have a day off school on Monday and I am so excited about that! Hope you have fun at the parties.
Kate,
I feel like this alot of the time too. That’s why school holidays are so nice.
It’s exhausting co ordinating a family and a business.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
No children over fifty still practising the live in the moment stuff
I think you do a fabulous job of balancing the needs of the family with the gorwth of evryone under your roof
Now take a deeeeep breath, and repeat after me…
I am a great mum.
I have great kids.
Now give yourself a pat on the back, and throw that clock out the window. ;)
heheh … yep. I’m there with you on sucking at the living in the moment Buddhism for Mothers bit. I agree, deep breath. It’ll get easier. It has to!! ;o)
Aww dont be so hard on yourself!