Some times I wish I’d made different choices.
Maybe the same, or similar, choices to people I know or admire.
I have a friend who home birthed and who home schools… and sometimes I wish I shared those things with her.
They are both things that I think are pretty cool. They are choices that I both respect and admire and sometimes am envious about. I was there, helping with her other two children, when she birthed her last baby and it was entirely amazing and wonderful. I listen to her talk with excitement and anticipation about educating her children and all the cool things they do and I am wistful and wish I could join in.
I’ve met other inspiring, wonderful people who have also made some wonderful, inspiring life choices. Packing up to travel around Australia with their family. Really living a sustainable life, complete with a cow to milk. Moving over seas, living in a tiny apartment in a huge wild city.
I read amazing, inspiring blogs about people doing wonderful things. Taking up amazing offers, working with big companies, making a living from their writing. Standing up and speaking out for what they believe in. Celebrating beautiful small moments in life. Making beautiful choices.
But I’ve made different choices.
Our family has made different choices.
Not better choices.
Not right choices.
Not wrong choices.
Just different choices.
Because I am me and not anyone else. Because my family is my family and no one else’s. So our choices are not their choices.
Our choices belong to us.
Sometimes I question those choices in the green light of my envy or wistfulness. I wonder if I’ve made the wrong choice, or taken the easy way out. Or maybe I am just scared that differing choices will see friends and I grow apart. Or maybe I just want to ‘fit in’ with this crowd or that crowd.
Then I stop and think.
Despite wondering if the grass really is greener or the longing I have to do everything and be everything and have everything (and do it all now)….I have made good choices for me. We have made good choices for our family.
Not perfect choices. We’ve made mistakes and changed our minds and switched plans mid track. We’ve had to re-think and research and learn more. And some choices come with baggage that I wish they didn’t.
But they are our choices and I own them.
There is a strange untapped strength in that ownership that I am only beginning to realise.