Sometimes the weight of getting everything right, or even mostly right, crushes me until I feel like I can’t move.
I can’t take another step because I don’t want to get it wrong, to break everything, to fail.
It’s the small relentless things that do it.
Trying to stay on top of the forms and notices, making sure we have the ingredients to actually make dinner, or clean school uniforms each morning.
These are not earth shattering things. If these things don’t get done life does not stop, the world doesn’t fall about… but sometimes it feels like it.
When these little things pile up I often feel like it is all so impossible. I can’t possibly manage to keep up with this stuff, I just can’t.
And yet I do.
Even when I want to go to bed and hide under the covers. Even when I want to just stay home forever and eat cornflakes straight from the box. Even then something makes me keep going.
It’s only recently that I’ve begin to think of that as courageous.
It doesn’t feel ‘courageous’ in the heroic sense of the word. In fact at first I laughed at the little voice in my head that said ‘be brave, keep going’. Surely there is nothing brave about facing the mundane. There is nothing brave about cooking dinner and folding laundry… and yet there is.
Keeping going, even when I don’t want to, is one of the most courageous things I have ever done.
What little things do you need to find courage for?