I judge.
There, I said it.
That thing that you are not supposed to ever admit to doing, lest the world decides you are a horrible, horrible person, I do it.
I judge other people.
Often I judge them based on little or no real information about who they are or what their life is like.
Sometimes I judge them based on what they look like, what they are wearing or what they are doing in that split second that I happen to see them.
That older lady at the shopping centre in her super short mini skirt, stilettos and fish net stockings. I judge her.
That mother wearing her baby in a sling and watching her toddler run ahead as they walk to the park. I judge her.
That young guy hooning down the street in his fancy car with the base pumping and his arm hanging out the window. I judge him.
It’s not pretty and I am not proud but I think it is human nature.
I think everyone does it, even if they don’t like to admit it.
In that split second moment of first impression, we all make judgements. We all take in what we see of other people and situations and weigh it against ourselves, our experiences and our lives. It’s a way of processing information and experiences and deciding how you fit within those things.
It’s what you do with those initial judgements that is important.
It’s not ok if you are nasty and look down your nose at people or discriminate because of your uninformed, split second judgements. And it’s not ok to butt into other peoples’ lives and offer uncalled for advice based on those judgements.
But I think it is reasonable for me to see someone and decide that I wouldn’t manage a similar situation in the same way. I think it is reasonable for me to look at another person to help me decide if similar choices are right or wrong for me. It is ok for me to use these judgements to help me figure out how I fit into the world.
I also know to question my judgements. I know to remind my judgey judgey self that I don’t know the whole story of peoples’ lives. To remember that there is always more to someone than what you see on the outside. That making a different choice or disagreeing with someone doesn’t make them wrong or bad. And to ask myself why I’m making this judgement call in the first place.
It also helps me to deal with situations where I feel like someone is judging me, fairly or unfairly.
So, yes, I judge. I can’t help it. But I hope now that I am a ‘grown up’, I judge with a healthy serve of understanding and humility, and that might just save me from being a horrible horrible person. Maybe?
Are you game to admit it? Do you judge? Why do you think people do it? Is it always a bad thing?
{image by Joker Smoj via flickr}
Oh yes, I am a judgey judge too. I truly think everyone is, even if they don’t want to be.
I think it’s human nature to judge and compare and criticize and be impressed by other people. I guess it’s what you DO with that judgement that makes you who you are though.
Yes it’s what you do with it that counts… and you are so right when you mention that sometimes judgements don’t come out on the bad side. I make judgements that leaved me impressed or aspiring to be like others all the time!
I judge. I know I do. I make assumptions about people based on things that are more obvious. I won’t write explicitly here, because I may seem intolerant. Or something.
*Guilty* I also judge. :)
But as Kate already said, it’s what we do with that judgement that makes us who we are.
See I think it is wrong that admitting that you sometimes make rash (even unkind) initial judgements makes you intolerant… I think you’d be intolerant if you then went on to be nasty because of those judgements, just having those thoughts doesn’t make you horrible!
Totally guilty of judging!
Yep, I’m a “judger”. For better and worse. I think it is only really a problem if you are not willing to alter your initial judgements and get to know the person behind the initial impression.
You’ve hit the nail on the head… if you are smart you’ll look beyond your initial judgement and find out more!
Judge? Me?
Of course! To e human is to judge
How can we not?
Doesn’t mean we have to make people feel bad by actually telling them what we think!
PS love your blog design x
I’m not sure when judgement became such a bad thing. There was once such a thing as good judgement and a discriminating mind after all. I understand that snap judgements aren’t the best things to be acted on – but if you have an opinion on anything you are making a judgement. And I have a whole lot of opinions.
yes!
That is exactly what I mean, except you said it better and in a lot less words! LOL
Yup, guilt here too. But then I hate it when people do it to me?
Trying to be more understanding after a few moments Ive had lately….hmmm
I judge too. Like everyone says it’s just human nature. Sometimes its a good thing and sometimes its a bad thing but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are bad. :*)
Yep, definitely do judge. Though the definition has come to mean intolerance. And usually it happens out of ignorance or lack of empathy for someone. I find it difficult not to judge when it comes to parenting decisions. In these matters I think the root of the judging comes from my own insecurities of needing to be right (or believing there is only one right way!), and the false belief that if someone does something differently then they mustn’t care about their children.
yes i judge too, but like you i keep my thoughts to myself….
which helps us fit into this world…
To judge is human and healthy I would have thought, it’s whether you discriminate against others based on a snap judgement that is a problem. I like to think I do a lot less of that latter the older I get…
I reckon the old ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’ is a fairly good rule to keep in mind. Judging appearance and judging behaviour are also two entirely different things.
Well put! Definitely agree – how else would we know how we *don’t* want to be? Or *do* want to be? I think that any time people say things, others are so quick to shout “Judgemental!” – it’s a bit of a cop out to avoid discussion around issues or to have to form an opinion.
“That making a different choice or disagreeing with someone doesn’t make them wrong or bad.” <– THIS!
Despite using similar phrasings I am incapable of conveying this concept during the course of conversation/discourse. Because a lot of people are right therefore everyone who doesn't agree with them is stupid and wrong. *twitch*
I feel no need to answer your questions as you already wrote what I would have said in a better way than I would have :)