Sometimes I want to be someone I’m not.
I can’t help it.
I want to be fabulously cool in a relaxed ‘don’t have to try too hard’ kind of way.
I want to be organised and on top of things and have people think ‘wow she makes it look easy’.
I want to do amazing things and be fabulously successful all the time.
I want to have awesome hair and to rock my curves like I know they deserve to be rocked.
But I am not those people.
I thought I’d grown out of the whole ‘I wish I was’ thing, but it seems not.
These days, I am much, much more confident about who I am, and the choices I’ve made, but I am still struck down by the wishing disease every now and then.
That bugs me, but maybe it isn’t all bad.
Perhaps there are things to be learnt from wanting to be someone else.
Why do I want to be those people?
What is so important about being cool, or organised, or successful, or looking good?
How can I do my own version of those things?
Ok so I will never be entirely that person.
I will never be ultra organised, I will always stress over things, I will always have to let some opportunities pass by, I will always have more bad hair days than good and I will never ever love my side boobs….
But maybe I can be more organised, maybe I can get better at the worrying thing, maybe I can make some goals for the future, and maybe there are other curves that I can rock besides the extra boobs that grow out of my arm pits.
Do you ever want to be someone you are not?
How do you confront that beats, learn from it and let it go?
Last saturday I wanted to be the sort of person who could walk into a room full of people I didn’t know at the Aussie bloggers conference with confidence and ease instead of dive under the nearest table to hide :)
I think if we realised that these thoughts were going on in the heads of the people we would never have believed would have these thoughts, we’d feel better.
oh me too. I hid behind my baby and then kicked myself for not meeting all the people I wanted to meet!
That is why I have a blog.
I can BE that person there.
And then I go to a freaking conference and blow my cover.
Dammit.
Everyone feels that way lovely. You see the faults and we see your beauty.
I think you’re pretty freakin’ awesome as you are :)
I totally understand the sentiment though… I always feel like I could/should be more more more. Look less feral bogan, get some exercise, you know all that stuff lol.
The best thing Tupperware ever did for me was show me the power of fake it til you make it. Words I live by :)
ah yes ‘fake it till you make it ‘ words to live by!
Simply gorgeous! You and this post. I laughed out loud re the ‘side boobs’. I’ll never love mine either ;-). I’d love to be someone that doesn’t procrastinate as much as me; has more willpower; and can actually get out of bed at 6am to do yoga every day.
It was lovely to meet you and the littlest pickle on the weekend. t x.
no way… you so don’t have side boobs! And here I was wishing I was as gorgeous and stylish as you!!
I wish I could meet people the way our kids did it at the breakfast. I want to be that sort of person that walks up to people they want to meet and just start talking :-)
Failing that I like to surround myself with friends who are good at everything and then hope it will rub off on me – or at least hope that people will assume I’m just like them!!
xxxCate
I think we all look at other people and think “wow, she really has it all together, she’s a success” and we fail to see that people might look at us the same way. I look at your blog and think, wow, this is really professional, she writes well, she is articulate, “she makes it look easy.”
So I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself!
All. The. Time.
I wish I wasn’t such a deep thinker. That I didn’t worry so much what people think of me. That I wasn’t so intense and anxious. I wish a lot. But at the end of the day I’m me. And my family seem to want to be with me (mostly). And I try not to please people anymore…but do they right thing instead. Right for me and my family. And this has made it a little easier to accept who I am.
What? You’re not cool, organised, successful and someone who looks good? I don’t believe it ;) Seriously. But I totally get where you are coming from. Oh, and love that pic.