Sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking…
Let’s get married, move to the country and have four kids. Why don’t I stop working, stay at home with the kids, and do all the house work while you work ridiculous shifts. Why don’t we get a nice mortgage, an old house and just enough money to scrape by.
Yep… lets make those choices and then try and find a way to enjoy every minute.
Except I don’t enjoy every minute. Some days I don’t enjoy any minutes.
Sometimes all I see is the laundry that needs to be done, the dishwasher that needs to be emptied and the dinner that needs to be cooked. Sometimes there is just this too small house, filled with too much stuff that is always messy.
Sometimes the all the girls do is roll their eyes, all the big boy does is sulk and all the little boy does is howl. Sometimes there is just four whining children who are driving me insane.
Sometimes all I see when I look at my life is a big pile of stuff I don’t really want to do, see, or hear. Sometimes that makes me feel terrible.
Sometimes I see the beautiful old lead light windows, and I hear the frogs and I know how lucky we are to live here.
Sometimes I see all the things that we have and I know how lucky we are to have all that we need.
Sometimes I see my husband in those minutes before I get up and he goes to bed and I know how lucky we are that he has a decent job and how lucky I am to have a partner in life.
Sometimes I see my girls and I remember the days, before they were born, when I steeled myself against the likelihood that they would not survive and I know how lucky we are.
Sometimes I pick up my howling baby and as he snuggles against my chest he pats me on the back and I know I am loved.
Sometimes I hear my bog boy whisper in my ear “I love you Mum” and I know how beautiful my life is.
Sometimes I don’t love every single minute of my life, but sometimes I remember that I don’t have to love every minute to be happy.
Sometimes I remember that for every minute I don’t enjoy there will be another one that I do.
Sometimes those minutes remind me how lucky I am and how wonderful life is, and for those minutes, I am thankful.
For my friend Kate at Kate Says Stuff and her Thankful Thursday.