I’m not sure if I believe in star signs, but if I did it would go a long way to explain my mixed up ideas. You see, part of me wants to believe in all of that slightly woo woo kind of stuff (and I mean that in the nicest possible way), the goddess, astrology, karma and things like that, but I’m a wild and creative Aquarian trapped in a practical, logical, responsible, Capricorn’s body.
I’m born on the ‘cusp’ of both star signs. Depending on what you read and who you talk to I can be either star sign. In reality, if you believe in that kind of stuff, I am an awful mixed up lot of both. I’d say that was a good thing… a little practicality never hurt the wild and crazy dreamer, but sometimes it gets tricky.
Take this dream for example.
I’ve been having this recurring dream since oh, about this time last year. I don’t have it all the time, just once every now and then. It’s one of those vivid, tangible dreams that you wake from suddenly and wonder if it was an actual memory or just all in your head. It’s also not a very nice dream.
I am looking down from above, standing on a rock wall, looking down on a shallow patch of sea water in a sandy pool. Looking down on my Zoe face down, drowned in that pool.
That’s it.. there is never anything more to it than this horrible view, but it’s so real. I can smell the rotting sea weed smell, and feel the wind. I know exactly what clothes she is wearing and I can taste the fear and heart break.
I had this dream so many times in the weeks leading up to our Christmas holiday last year that I thought I might actually have to cancel it. Sometimes, in quiet moments, the idea of taking my girl to a beach just filled me with terror. But of course my logical practical side scoffed and told me how ridiculous it would be to cancel a much anticipated holiday because of a dream. Still… the wild and woo woo side of me was spooked badly and decided that if I didn’t allow Zoe to take any of the clothes she was wearing in the dream then it couldn’t possibly come true.
The Capricorn in me explains the recurrent nightmares before the holiday as stress related, anticipation and worry leading up to a big and important event. The Aquarian in me counters that argument with the fact that I am still having the dream every now and then, despite the fact that we haven’t been near a beach in months.
So what do you think?
Are dreams just our brains way of getting rid of excess data? Do they mean nothing more than a little stress finding a release?
Or is there something more to it? If so, what the heck does this dream mean? Why am I still dreaming it? And why have I never let Zoe wear those clothes ever again?