Just when I thought I had it all under control…
Just when I thought I’d gotten on top of this crazy busy week…
Just when I thought we’d gotten through the hard part…
That’s when he started vomiting.
After a long and exhausting day came an endless night.
By the time he stopped throwing up the sun was about to rise
As I curled up in bed trying to catch a few hours of sleep before I had to face another day I couldn’t stop thinking about everything I had to do that day. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything I still needed to do this week, and everything that was piling up between now until Christmas, and it made me want to cry.
All I could think was ‘it’s too hard’.
It’s too hard.
I don’t know how to juggle everything.
I’m so tired of trying so hard to make everything work and still messing up, or disappointing someone.
It’s too hard.
Every day there seems to be yet another thing to add to the calendar, another kid crisis to deal with, another opportunity we can’t miss, another load of laundry.
Just when I think I am top of things, something new pops up.
It’s too hard.
I know this time of year is notoriously busy for our family and I tried to make sure I was organised and on top of things, but still I am not coping
I feel like a failure.
Instead of sleeping I let all those feelings wash over me, and I cried.
With my boy sleeping on a makeshift bed of towels on the floor beside me, with the smell of vomit, disinfectant, and gastrolyte in the air, when I should have been grabbing whatever sleep I could, I cried.
I just needed to feel those feelings for a while, because parenting is hard.
Sometimes parenting is joyful and inspirational and wonderful, but a lot of the time it is relentless, and lonely, and hard.
Brushing it aside, ignoring those feelings, that doesn’t help. Sometimes we need to acknowledge them, to just feel them for a while, till they are a little less huge, less scary, less powerful.
Because parenting is hard, but that doesn’t mean we are doing it wrong.
And so we pick ourselves up, we drag ourselves out of bed, and we start another day.
Thanks for this post. Honest and true. It helps to know that it isn’t only you who feels this way. I thank you too for your blog, which truely is an inspiration and helps to make my parenting journey easier.
I am always amazed by how much it helps to know that you are not alone! :) Thank you so much for your kind words
Wow, definitely needed to hear this today. I had 3 hours sleep last night, the whole night.. part of it was because I was so wound up about all that needed to be done, Grandad has just passed away, so trips on planes coming up and funerals with toddlers and babies…thanks for the reminder that we are all doing the best that we can!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope the next few days go as smoothly as possible and you find some peace and space to say goodbye.
Yep, I know this feeling all too well. We mums all need a good cry now and then I think, life’s never going to be perfect. Female hormones and lack of sleep don’t help either! I am pregnant at the moment and these emotions and feelings of overwhelm have been accentuated much to my frustration. Just trying to hold onto and celebrate the great moments and ask for help when I need it.
You are spot on about celebrating the great moments… that is my goal right now :)
Thank you for this honest article. I can fully relate to your feelings and the motions you went through. You’ve done amazingly raising up 4 kids! Respect to you and your inspiring blog.
A big hug from another mom (although I’m a rookie, I only have one little 13month old:) )
OMG, how I needed to find you today. Thank you for sharing your story, so heartfelt. It is unbelievably helpful to know that someone else feels this way too, it’s not just me! Love.
It really is such a powerful thing to know you are not alone :)