Sometimes the weight of being a role model weighs heavy on my shoulders.
In those moments when you see yourself reflected in your child… and not your best self, you realise how much your actions and behavior effects how they behave.
I hear my own martyrdom in the whining of my children.
I see my own lack of control as someone chucks a tantrum in frustration.
I see my own laziness in the clothes strewn across the bedroom floor.
I hear my own anger in the shouted arguments between siblings.
I watch my own worries reflected in the thoughts of my non-sleeper.
Constantly being a role model is one of the hardest things about being a parent. Always knowing that what you do and say and think is being sucked up by these small brains and filed away for future reference.
It’s difficult and tiring and heartbreaking.
I hate it…
But I also love it.
I have a chance to make a difference in the most profound way. To teach and show and be a major part of how another person develops. That is huge and scary and tiring and relentless, but it is also an amazing privilege.
Plus it is good for me.
When I see my worst self reflected in my children I am reminded that how I face my faults and my short comings is more important than having them.
It is not my job as a parent or a role model to never make mistakes, to never be angry, or worry, to never make poor choices… it is my job to do all those things, and keep going, keep trying to do better.
The greatest thing I can give my children is to be human. To try my best, to be imperfect and like myself anyway.
I love this, Kate, and I can totally relate to the various feelings and thoughts you described. I think one of the biggest things I have learned from becoming a parent is that being open to learning and changing and growing and forgiving is so much more important than being “perfect” (which, of course, is not possible anyway).
I cope by doing my best to be intentional in our character development every day – we talk, at least once a day, about a character trait (such as patience, trustworthiness, love, etc) and try to think about how we can practice it… often incorporating a hands-on activity. It gives me time to reflect on my own self and also time to help my kids learn these skills, as well.
It’s hard work though! Looking forward to reading the other responses :-)
Oh yeh ! High five for some less than proud parenting here at the moment !! Glad it’s not just me :)
Lauren
Totally true. It’s hard to guide the kids, while modeling the behavior that you really want them to have. The frustration sometimes is too much to keep cool and model the proper tools to navigate life. I suppose those moments too, keep it real and prepares them for “inappropriate” reactions and behaviors in the future they encounter in others. At the end of the day, I try not to be too hard on myself and to remember I’m trying and learning too (just like they are). Daily, I know, I’m loving towards the kids and being the best that I can and that tomorrow is another day. Thanks so much for your post. It’s nice to be reminded of this sometimes!
Gee do I get this this week!
I realised a year ago that if I want my girls especially to dream big dreams and achieve those dreams than I had to dream big dreams and achieve those dreams. I had to show my kids that I can be a Mum and a wife and still work towards my goals. I also try and be a role model by just living my life the way I think is important. My kids are with me 24/7 so they see how I live , they see what I do… Its just a small thing but I want to be the best role model their is for my kids.
Great post Kate! It is a good reminder to keep doing my best and keep finding the positives.
This is so very true and I must say I do see my own lack of control as my little one chucks a tantrum in frustration. My husband also mentions how much he sees me in my son, sometimes good and sometimes not so. I have to keep reminding myself but also, it’s a great feeling to be able to teach him so much of the good stuff.
Thanks for linking up this wonderful post on Mummy Mondays.
Eva x
The Multitasking Mummy