Our girls are seven and a half and they LOVE money.
They are so incredibly motivated by the idea of getting money and spending money. They spend hours pouring over junk mail, discussing what they would spend their money on. They spend hours counting their cash and dreaming up ways to earn more. They argue over whether they should pool their money, if they could ever agree on what to buy. Zoe even lies awake at night worrying about what she will spend her money on.
Their current obsession with getting money so they can buy more stuff is driving me insane.
They already have a lot of ‘stuff’… you know… all those tiny fiddly little toys like Party Animals, Polly Pockets, Squeakies, Littlest Pet Shops, and their latest obsession, Sylvaian Families. I’m not really keen on them getting more ‘stuff’, they have more than enough ‘stuff’ already.
But I do want my kids to learn about money. To learn how to save up for things and the value of working hard to earn something you really want. I think all that is important, so I try not to roll my eyes too much when they drool over more bits of colourful plastic crap that the baby will no doubt choke on.
The problem we have, however, is that of balance.
I am happy to ‘pay’ my girls when they do extra chores or other ‘work’ around the house, but there are some things I expect them to do just because they need to look after their own things, and because they are part of our family and I expect them to contribute to the smooth running of our home.
I expect them to put away their own clean clothes. I expect them to clean their room (with help) once in a while. I expect them to help set the table and clear the table. I expect them to empty the dishwasher. I expect them to feed their guinea pigs. I don’t expect anything too monumental, or at least I don’t think I do!
These are things I simply expect them to do, but with their sudden urge to get more and more money I am now faced with a never ending chorus of “how much will you pay me?” Not to mention a look of abject horror and a cry of “what? you expect me to do it… for FREE??? That’s not fair!!”
Kill. Me. Now.
I have to hold myself back from beginning a long and yelly rant on how the world is not fair and I am doing you a favour by getting you used to it now girly… But once I’ve composed myself and swallowed my lecture I try a quick reminder of why we all pitch in to help around out house. This never goes down well.
I’m a big believer in encouraging ‘intrinsic motivation’ – the idea that they want to do something good or helpful or right because it makes them feel good, not because they are going to get a reward of some kind. This is where I think helping around the home falls… it is just something we do because it is the right thing, part of daily life. It used to be this way, but it seems once I paid them to do something I broke my own rule and gave away the chance of ever getting to just help for the goodness of helping ever again.
Help me.
How do un-break my rule?
Are all seven year olds very into money and buying things?
Do I stop paying them to do anything, even those ‘above and beyond’ jobs (they moved 50 bricks on the weekend at 20 cents a brick!)?
Do I start just giving them an amount of pocket money each week, regardless of what chores they do?
How do I instil in them the value of ‘being part of a family means helping look after your own stuff and helping with the running of the house’ and the value of working hard to earn the things you want?
How do you deal with chores and money in your house?
It’s a hard one! I am really trying to convince my 8 yr old that helping around the house is part of responsibility of being part of the household. She’s not really keen. We’re also very busy people after school and in the early evenings.
So I drew up a chart of “jobs” that I expect her to do – dry the dishes, put her clothes away, and do her homework or a worksheet I’ll give her (not doing homework was an issue last year). There’s a space for an “extra” job each day as well – so if she cleans the loo or tidies the little ones’ room she can get a tick for that.
She has to get 20 ticks each week, which means doing all her jobs nearly every day, or slipping in a few extras to compensate, to get a “reward”. She helped me come up with the list of rewards, which include pocket money ($3), playing a game of Monopoly with both parents (and no little ones!), an extra Latin lesson (ok, she’s a bit weird this one!), extra computer time, that sort of thing.
It seems to work pretty well. She likes to save up to buy books.
Anyway. That’s what we do. I hope you find a solution which works for you!
This is a tricky one and one I bought up in an earlier post about getting our kids to do more for themselves by asking ourselves ‘What are we doing for our kids that they could be doing for themselves’? Doing chores around the house not only helps the parent, but also means building a childs own independence. I think one of the reasons we dont do this as much anymore is due to our smaller families. Whilst 4 is a big family now, in the days of 8, 9 and 10 kids…they simply had to pitch in to get things done! I think you are right though in keeping up with the attitude that there are some jobs which are just expected of you and you must not get paid for. Pocket money can be either a weekly payment or a payment for ‘extra’ chores…but must be kept separate from the normal and ‘expected’ daily tasks. So to answer your questions…..Yes it is pretty normal for a 7 year old, yes I think you can still pay them for extra chores but stay true to your belief that the other chores just have to be done as ‘part of the package’ of belonging to a household…. and continue your rant, it will sink in!
Oh yes I remember that great post of yours… feel free to come and add the link here in the comments, I think others would really enjoy it.
Thanks Kate…the link is http://themodernparent.net/what-are-you-doing-for-your-kids-that-they-could-be-doing-for-themselves/
from a different perspective to what you might be used to – I am a 23 year old (no kids! haha) and I grew up with three younger siblings, the youngest of which is about to turn 12. I would suggest laying out some expectations of jobs you’d like done as part of being a member of the family – maybe this means making a roster or maybe just a list. My dad once made a roster which all of us declared ‘the most unfair roster that ever existed’ but surprisingly this also happened to be the one that lasted the longest. Unrelated to helping out around the house, when I was eight my parents opened a bank account for me for my birthday. I put my birthday money in there (and apparently burst into tears when the teller took it away). I also started getting weekly pocket money that I saved for art supplies. Back then it was 50cents a week! Not too sure if this helps you or not actually … :-)
I have a just turned 8 year old and a 10 year old, both obsessed with stuff and the money needed to buy it.
We work on the rule of families help each other and work together. There are certain chores I expect them to do because they contribute to the smooth running of our home and life, making their beds, putting away their clean clothes, packing their snacks for their lunchboxes, packing bags for their sporting activities. Jacob unpacks the dishwasher, Bianca sets and clears the table. This stuff I just expect to be done. I don’t pay them for it. They receive a weekly amount of pocket money, but it is not linked to them doing these chores.
They will sometimes do extra jobs for extra money, cleaning the bathroom, washing the car, gardening, simple ironing tasks.
Junior is almost 5 and has absolutely no idea how much things cost. If he wants something he asks for it and we suggest it might be something he could get for for his birthday or Christmas. I think it might be time to start introducing pocket money because his list of “wants” seems to be ever growing. How old were your girls when you started giving them money for chores?
I can’t remember what age I was when mum started paying us pocket money but I do remember it was a very important thing for both my brother and I. We had a set amount of pocket money we got each week for our regular chores – tidying our room, making our own bed, collecting the eggs and sweeping the veranda etc. If we didn’t do our set chores then money could be deducted from our set pocket money. If we did extra chores from time to time – like helping in the garden or on the farm – we could earn extra money on top of our weekly pocket money. This system seemed to work well for us as my mum was very canny with money and made sure we new its value from early on.
Great to read so many people still teach kids that being part of a family means doing your share. As a long time secondary teacher in my experience true self esteem is some how based in knowing you make worthwhile contributions to the family and are valuable. Not everything is for sale – though given the society preparedness to sell most things it must be tough at home. Kids who live on farms always seem to have a real role in earning the family income and a strong sense of community Good on you all for battling now. We’ll all be glad when your littles are adults and don’t expect to have a focus on “what’s in it for me?”but think about “what can I contribute?”
Hmm – Madison is 8, and to be honest – has no massive concept of money. Will gives her a few dollars every now and then, same with Mackenzie (6). They have their chores – just like your girls, and are expected to do them.
I will keep reading your comments with interest, as I have no doubt that soon, my girls will become interested in the VALUE of money.
My 6yo is fortunately making up for occasionally being a Stuff obsessed self righteous prat by offering a large portion of his piggy bank to help pay for the trip to Christmas Island (he thinks he has heaps of money :) at least as often as he begs me to buy more Stuff that he’s just spotted therefore absolutely can’t live without that we passed by at the shops.
We still haven’t worked out the pocket money thing ourselves, but on the “you want me to do that FOR FREE?! TEH HORROR!” front I kind of remind him when he’s in a “Why do I always have to do everything you say? Bleat whine moan!” mood that I don’t HAVE to wash his clothes or cook him food or take him out or do stuff with him etc ;)
Good luck on finding something!
I recently visited my sister in the USA and was appalled by her 7yo son’s obsession with making money. I squirmed in my seat as my sister said nothing. Was I meant to join the conversation and help him come up with ideas for making money? He’s only 7 for C’s sake! I thought it was very sad, but realise I will soon face the same dilemma with my Darlings.
Like you, we will never give pocket money for the fundamental things that need to be done around the house, such as putting clean clothes away. But we will consider paying for ‘special’ jobs, like your brick job. And I think there is nothing wrong with allowing them to negotiate a fair price (it is part of the learning process).
Perhaps a way to head them off at the pass (if it is not too late) is to find yourself something to volunteer at (www.volunteeringaustralia.org). I haven’t done this yet with my darlings and I have no idea how I will find the time to fit something like this in, but I do think it is important. Helping others without and expectations in return is missing from most young adults I meet and instead they all think they should earn $200k a year with no prior experience! Sad.
I am not sure at what age it is appropriate to teach children how to purchase the things they want on their own. And what ‘things’ do we give them and what ‘things’ do we make them work for? Somehow, age 9 sounds right to me?
Girl Child is 7 and is obsessed with money and spending it! She cuts up brochures sticks them on paper to show me what she wants to spend her money on.
We used to have an earning box filled with books and things that I knew the kids would like. They were allowed to choose something out of it when they have been really good or helpful or both. So probably once a fotnight at the most. Sometimes they would choose something at the shops that I would put in the earning box for them.
Because Boy is 5 years older we started pocket money last year. They get their age in pocket money every fortnight with the proviso that $1 gets banked.
They have set chores to do and can lose pocket money for bad behaviour and failure to do their jobs. As far as I am concerned if you are part of a family you need to do things to help keep the family running.
My neighbour used to pay her children when they did anything. Once Boy was over at their house and he was given $2 for closing the curtains. I found that a little odd.
But I do think it’s a hard one to juggle especially if their peers are getting a lot more money or stuff.
Instead of paying them money, draw up a reward chart and get them to choose a reward other than cash money. ie going to the park, hiring out a dvd, going for a swim at the pool etc, and every once and while let there be a money reward to which some must be saved to school banking
I’ve not read the other comments yet, so that it doesn’t influence my reply. I think it’s a great idea that children earn pocket money to learn about how to manage and save their money. My children 10.11 and 14 earn $5 each a week. At the moment, they are saving toward a gaming console, and they’ve almost done it. I agree with you, that children have to do set chores and not be expected to earn extra money for every little thing they do. My youngest, offered to wash my car for me the other weekend, and I didn’t give him money, and nor did he ask for any. I did however shower him with praise in front of his brothers and told him how touched I was by his gesture. I do up a ‘chore chart’ every day, with jobs I expect them to do. For the things I want them to do every day, like make their beds, put their own washing away, replenish toilet roll holder, ( you get my drift) they receive no money. The items on the chore chart, are what they are ‘paid’ to do, PLUS anything extra I ask them to do. They know that no one pays me to cook, clean and wash and look after them. If you need to rant and lecture at first to get them to understand this, then that’s fine too. Only you can stop their obsession with being paid for every little chore, by simply not paying them. Soon, they’ll stop asking for extra $$$ for everything they do. I look forward to reading your other posts.
I give my son an allowance every month. ($1/year of his age, i.e., he’s 12 so he gets $12/mo). That’s his spending money. Regardless of the chores he’s EXPECTED to do FOR FREE around the house. He doesn’t lose money for not doing his chores, he loses privliges.
He will/does get paid for going above and beyond and sometimes, when I don’t want to reward him with candy or crap toys, he’ll get money for doing something nice for someone else. he doesn’t get it every time, because he shouldn’t always be rewarded for being nice, being nice should be the reward.
He also earns money for good grade on his report cards. He gets $1 for every A, $.50 for every B and nothing for Cs. If he brings home a D or an F he has to PAY ME! :-p
he fought me tooth and nail about ‘family helps family’ at first, but it did finally kick in and he now does things with minimal flack/whining.
HTH
Jen
I’m a big believer of intrinsic motivation too. My kids are just 5 and 3, so we’re still in the early stages of helping in the house, but I’ve always drilled into them the idea that we have rules in the house that make life easier and that show our respect and appreciation for others. Like taking your own plate to the kitchen bench when you finished a meal, and putting your dirty clothes in the laundry basket and rubbish in the bin etc. We do all these things because that’s what we’re supposed to do.
As they grow older, they learn to do more things and they get to do more things, it’s just part of their job (I gave them their job description as “your job is to play, and learn, and help out others”). So I don’t think I’ll ever give them money for doing what is basic stuff around the house that we are all supposed to do.
But I think I will start giving my 5yo pocket money, she’s always asking to buy this buy that etc, driving me bonkers. I’ll probably give her $1 a week, just so she can learn how long it actually takes to save up for things you really want! I see it as a learning tool, not really as a reward or pay for anything.
I think that’s similar to how my parents brought me up, and it really worked well for us, both my brother and I are homeowners (with mortgages that aren’t choking us) with no credit card debt, we only spend what we have and save up for what we want, I’m sure that isn’t a coincidence but it came from my parents giving us a little pocket money and letting us figure out ourselves how to manage it.