“How do you deal with night terrors?”
It’s a question I get asked a lot, and one I actually have a lot of experience with.
Two out of my three big kids have had night terrors in the past, and it looks like my small one is prone to them too.
I remember my first experience with night terrors like it was yesterday. I was sure there was something terribly wrong with my then three year old girl.
Eyes wide and wild she screamed for me and when I went to her to pick her up, to rock her in my arms and soothe her back to sleep, she screamed louder frantically yelling ‘don’t touch me! don’t touch me!’ She scrambled to get out of my arms, to get away, and then began screaming for me again. She was inconsolable, yelling all kinds of things that didn’t make sense, and thrashing about. Things were coming, the blanket was grabbing her, she was freezing and boiling. I tried to contain her flailing limbs and soother her but it seemed everything I did made things worse.
In the end I sat on the end of the bed and watched her screaming and crying and I cried too.
I didn’t know what to do to help my girl.
Eventually she calmed down, crawled into my lap, and almost instantly fell asleep.
I held her for a long time that night, watching her sleeping in my arms, making sure that she was ok and wondering what on earth had happened.
In the morning she seemed fine. Tentatively I asked her if she was ok, and what was she upset about last night, but she looked at me with a blank stare. I asked her if she remembered waking up last night, if she remembered being sad and she had no memory of it at all.
That is when I knew it had been a night terror.
What are Night Terrors?
Night terrors are not the same as nightmares. Nightmares generally happen in the later stages of sleep, children wake from a nightmare seeking comfort, and they remember them in the morning.
Night terrors happen during deep sleep or the transition from deep sleep to REM sleep, usually in the first two or three hours of sleep. Children may appear to be awake with their eyes open and moving around but they are really asleep, they don’t respond to comfort, and don’t have any recollection of the event in the morning.
Night terrors are pretty common with many children between the ages of 3 and 6 experiencing them at least once. Some children go through a phase of night terrors, but most grow out of them without any intervention or long term affects.
How do you deal with Night Terrors?
There doesn’t seem to be any one definite cause for night terrors so it’s not easy to prevent them, but there are a few things that might help before, and during a night terror and lots of ideas you can try.
Look for possible triggers.
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Overheating – A warmer than expected night, too many blankets… overheating in bed seemed to be the number one trigger for one of my kids.
Food sensitivities or issues – Are they eating enough? Are they sensitive to some foods or additives? Are they eating too close to bed time?
Too much stimulation – too much stimulation right before bedtime from screens or wild play may be a trigger for night terrors. Try a longer, calming bedtime routine.
Over-tiredness – being over tired can interfere with normal sleep patterns which may trigger night terrors
Noise/disturbances – it is thought that being disturbed at the wrong time during a sleep cycle could be a trigger for night terrors so look for noises or other disturbances that you could avoid.
Stresses and worries – Some people believe anxiety or stress can bring on night terrors so it’s worth looking at whether there is something bothering your child.
Check for sleep apnoea or a blocked nose – some researchers suggest that mild sleep apnoea due to large tonsils, allergies or colds may trigger night terrors so it is something to have checked out if they are recurrent.
Don’t try to wake the child.
Waking the child during a night terror can leave them disoriented and upset, adding to the whole situation and making it even harder to get them back to sleep. I know it is horrible to watch your child in distress but remind yourself that they are not actually awake and that they won’t remember what is happening. Don’t turn on all the lights (though a night light may help you see what is going on and keep them safe), remain close by and try to stay as calm as possible. Soothing words and gentle touch, if tolerated, can help dissipate a night terror.
Keep them safe.
You can’t fix a night terror, instead your job is to keep your child safe. Make sure they are in a safe area and can’t hurt themselves or put themselves in danger. If they are prone to night terrors make sure there is nothing in or near their bed they could hurt them if they have a night terror. We’ve had to physically restrain a child from running outside in the middle of the night on more than one occasion!
Don’t discuss it.
Most children don’t have any memory of a night terror (which is how you know it was not a nightmare) so talking about it in the morning can cause them stress and anxiety that they wouldn’t otherwise have, which may trigger more sleep problems. In the early days a tentative check to confirm they don’t remember and that it was a night terror is all you need to do.
Remedies to try.
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Take them to the toilet – we discovered that what disturbed the sleep cycle and caused the night terror with one of our children was needing to go to the toilet. If at the first sign of a night terror I physically took him to the toilet he’d often wee, relax, and go right back to sleep.
Change their body temperature – cool down the room, or put a cool (not cold) face cloth on their feet.
Wake them up 15 minutes before the night terror usually happens to try and alter their sleep cycle
Try guided relaxation or meditation with your kids to help them relax, or just spend some time chatting with them before bedtime and give them a chance to talk about and process any worries.
Try white noise or low classical music to block out any sound disturbances.
How do you deal with night terrors?
Do your kids have night terrors?
Have you been able to figure out what causes them for your kids?
Or perhaps you have a remedy that has worked for you?
Share your stories and suggestions in the comments.
My son has had night terrors since he was 1. We found removing him from his room, turning on lights, talking gently to him, and maybe sometimes turning on a favorite YouTube video (David Tennent reading books, yay!) helped bring him out of it best. Brought the time of the night terror lasting from 45min-1.5hrs, to 10 minutes, MAYBE 15 minutes tops. The INSTANT he was actually awake you could tell.
His triggers seem to be lack of sleep during the day and stress (any time I leave him with someone we have several nights in a row of these now). He’s 2 now and these all still work really well.
Night terrors are SCARY the first few times though!
Hi Kate, thanks for this great post! My son has had night terrors since he was about the age of three, but in hindsight I think he probably had them at a younger age too, it was just harder to recognise in a one year old.
Apart from those you have listed we haven’t got much to offer by way of coping mechanisms, but I just really wanted to say thanks for helping to put my mind at ease, despite reading on the net and having the Dr tell me they are normal, nothing helps like another real mother speaking of her issue with it too.
Always love reading your posts, thanks for all the good play ideas, recipes and general life commentary.
My almost 4 year old goes through weeks long phases. Terrors every night for a couple weeks, and then he’s just done for 5 or 6 months. Ever since he was a year old.
The cat brings him the most comfort, can actually have him calm in under 10 minutes, if boy child is still in bed. If boy is already walking around his room, we have to put him back in bed so the cat can do his thing. Mostly the cat sleeps in his room, so he responds to the first wimper of terror.
Oh I love that the cat calms him! That is the coolest!
Does night terrors have any long-lasting effects? Will they overcome with age?
My oldest has struggled much with night terrors. We have learned to avoid his triggers…not staying up too late and not watching any TV after supper. Those help but the two things that help the most are 1) when he is having a night terror turning on music and 2) (this has been by far the most helpful and was the least heard of) giving him a vitamin with Iron. Our pediatrician said that they can sometimes be brought on or are more prone in kids whose iron is low. And while she didn’t think our sons was too low she suggested we try an iron supplement just to see if it would help. And it has helped tremendously. When we forget it for a few days he almost assuredly has a night terror.
So long story short try an iron supplement it may do wonders.
Oh that is so interesting! My smallest who is going through this stage now has also recently become a lot pickier with food so could well use an iron boost!
Thanks so much for the suggestions!
My son had them starting at age two the terrors went away probably age 5 he is 8 now and gets nightmares. I would just sleep next to his bed on the floor around the times he would get them and hold his hand or have him sleep with one of my shirts this helped. I believe his triggers were anxiety he is very attached to both me and my husband so when I started going back to school when he was two that’s when they started. He would also sometimes get nose bleeds around the same time so what a previous comment said about the iron probably would have helped too. I just wanted to say thank you for the information I know it will help lots of moms and dads going though this it is tough. I remembered just saying to myself this to shall pass. Thank you again for the information.
Amy
My son is 3.5 years and has had night terrors for about a year now. They Started rather mild, he would wake up crying and kicking his legs about not responding to my presence etc and they would last about 5 minutes (at this stage i did not realise they were terrors). They became A LOT worse when we moved into our new house 4 months ago. He would suddenly wake and scream as if he were being murdered and when i went to his room he would growl and scream at me but i knew he wasnt registering who i was. They would last around 45 mins to 1 hour. I honestly thought 2 things, my son has become psychotic or he is possesed by a demon! It was the most frightening experience of my life and they still scare the crap out of me now. He was having them at least twice a week and they started to get agressive. He would punch and kick and dig his nails into me, throw all his toys around the room and then he would just go back to his bed and lye down to sleep! I think sometimes i make it worse by tying to calm him (even though i know your not ment to) but it is so so so hard to stand there and do nothing. I cant touch him or talk to him cause it makes it way worse, so trying to get him to use the toilet doesnt work or singing familiar songs etc. We have a pediatrician app in 2 weeks that we have been waiting months for so hopefully they have some answers. I believe his became worse through stress of the move and new noises etc at night but mainly i think they are caused by over tiredness (getting him to sleep at night has been a struggle since birth). We recently started a bedtime routine following the tips in the book ‘toddler taming tips’ and it has actually really worked! We stick to the same routine every night now and when we put him to bed and he actually stays there and goes to sleep. The terrors still happen but much less and they dont last as long nor are they as dramatic. Fingers crossed we see the end of them very soon. I sympathize with all parents who have to deal with this. Although the children dont remeber it is traumatic as a parent.
I’m wide awake from just going through an episode. When I read this, it’s so similar to my daughter, both of my daughters started at 18m old. My oldest stopped when she turned three and hers was less aggressive. My second daughter still has them but less frequently, she is very aggressive with hitting and screaming scratching/clawing usually lasts between 15-30 min depending on the night. And at some moments happen multiple times in one night. I can tell when her cry changes and she immediately needs my comfort but until then I can’t do anything or it will make it worse. Any small movement will cause her to become more aggressive. Sometimes me speaking to her does calm her crying but most times nothing. Afterwards when she is wanting me she will sleep with me all night with me holding her all night long not wanting me to let go. I am glad instead of it being nightly it is now once in awhile. I think big triggers are the over tiredness for her but that is not always the case the other nights I’m not sure what triggers it. It has been tough for us and I can’t wait till it’s over. Too many years of lack of sleep does no one any good.
Oh it can be so hard to deal with can’t it… both emotionally and physically!
Wishing you many nights of uninterrupted sleep for all!
I looked this up because my daughter is going through it right now. I actually recently posted for some support on facebook because its starting to cause frustration and exhaustion. My daughter also started around 18 months old and it has become more aggressive now that she is 2 and a half years old. She starts with crying, to screaming “NO,” thrashing her body back and forth, inconsolable, and lasts anywhere between 3- minutes to 2 hours sometimes. The other night was about 3 hours. We have tried soothing her in various ways and no help so far. If I go into her room to check on her early in her “episode,” it gets worse. If I touch her back, it’s worse. If I speak, it gets worse and she screams louder. If I ask, she doesn’t respond because she’s still half asleep. I’ve tried holding her and it’s just dangerous because how violently she is throwing herself in my arms. She has a bed now so she will actually get out of bed and do her thing on the floor by our bed. Then the next morning, no recollection. She is fine, doesn’t talk about it ever, and she’s acting like her terrible-two-self (haha). So far I have gotten great feedback from facebook and now this!!
I’ve heard that I can try weighted blanket, possibly talk about dream catcher with her because she is at the age of understanding stories and what special toys can do, cool towel on the feet, make sure she’s not overheated (less clothing/fan in the room), no TV at night time, consistent bed time routine, more iron in her diet, and make sure she’s not overtired. At this point, I’m willing to try anything so I will be more open to ideas and strategies next time she has her night terror. Hopefully one of these tricks will help!
My son is 11 and still gets night terrors. They are terrifying to say the least. When he is sick with fever is when they seem to come on the worse. Today a nap. And bam a night terror.
My son has had night terrors since he was about 2 weeks old. It’s very scary to me still and he’s 3 1/2 and still has them. We actually found that if we kept the same curious George cartoons on repeat (very low sound so it wouldn’t disturb him) when he did have the night terror, the sound of George helped to calm him a bit. Since they never happen at the same time it was easier to just keep it on every night. Now he is on melatonin, it helps some nights. But not every. We did find he had some allergies to some liquids, that contributed to them. Also gas is a big trigger. If he has a lot of gas leading up to bed time, but can’t go potty, he will definitely have a night terror. Good luck to all parents that go through this.
My child had night terrors as a baby up until she was 5 or 6. She didn’t sleep through the night until she was almost two. She continued to have terrors 3-4 times a week.. We never did figure out what triggered them. We often took her to the bathroom to go pee and put a cool rag on her head to try to calm her down.( it was kinda like trying to tame an octopus) It was heart breaking to watch and feel so helpless. It was like you stated, she never remembered any of it, so we just prayed it would go away and it finally did. Just know that is shall pass. and you are not alone.
My son’s first night terror lasted more than an hour, leaving me and his dad totally shaken. Having your child scream for you while their eyes are open and they’re looking right at you… . The trick that finally worked for us was to not engage at all and cut it off before it really got going. We put the baby monitor back in his room (hidden under the bed). At the first peep, I’d get in there and lay down next to him, smoothing his back and saying “back to sleep, sweetie.” That and the same kind of “shh, shh, shh” sound I’d used when he was really little always did the trick. Now, none of the episodes last more than about 5 minutes. I’ll bring glad when he finally out grows them but, as others have said, he has absolutely no memory of them.
Thanks for another great post, Kate.
I have a question for anyone who may be able to answer.
During a night terror, will the child actually communicate verbally with you?
My daughter (7) has woken up several nights screaming that she is in pain. we’ll go to the bathroom (she shares a room with her twin sister) and I’ll try to comfort her but she screams at me and doesn’t want me to talk to her or go near her. But she is talking to me, looking at me and responding to me.
The only thing is that it’s not like her at all. It’s frightening and I feel so helpless. She gets hysterical and screams at the top of her lungs.
It has gone on for well over an hour. And then it will fade and pass but each time, there has been a moment when I can literally see her body relax, she stops screaming. She will be back to her old self, wanting to snuggle up with me and she will start chatting and even giggling.
She is quite an anxious child and tends to worry a lot. We believe she also has dyspraxia.
Can anyone shed any light on this?
I never thought it could be night terrors but I don’t know much about them.
Thanks
One of my girls used to yell and scream at me… telling me to pick her up and then as soon as I did scream at me to put her down and not touch her. All my kids appeared to be awake and talking ‘to me’ but making little sense. So it could be night terrors… but if it is she won’t have any memory of it in the morning because she actually is still asleep at some level. So that is how you can tell, if it’s a night terror she won’t remember it, but you will!
Hi, thanks for the article Kate. My boys 9 & 6 regularly had night terrors from 3 years old. Last summer it got a lot worse as the weather was hot & they were outside playing all day. 45-60 minutes after they fell asleep they would wake up screaming. Every night for 3 weeks. To the point where I thought there was seriously wrong with them (epilepsy or something) so I took them to the Dr. He suggested a magnesium supplement. I’ve been giving them a liquid supplement nightly before bed since then & the youngest has had 1 terror after a full day skiing & the eldest has had a couple linked to stress at school. I am amazed that such a simple thing has worked so wanted to share. Magnesium is essential for good sleep & gets depleted when we are active, sweat, get stressed or drink alcohol. Might help us sleep deprived Mummies & Daddies too!!!!
My daughter has had night terrors since I can remember and it seems to last through most of the night. When she slept with her sister she would choke and pinch her. It is something my husband has and his father too. My older daughter used to sleep walk but seemed to have grown out of it. A friend told me about an organic oil and it actually worked! I put it on her wrist and the back of her neck every night before bed. She knows to put it on every night because she doesn’t want them anymore. She would cry during her days and say she didn’t like herself because of the terrors and that she didn’t want to sleep anymore. Keeping her on a regular schedule helps but sometimes things come up that cannot be avoided. So 2 different night I was too tired and I regretted it! My husband didn’t really believe it but on those 2 nights he witnessed it work. She went to bed with out her oil and had terrible night terrors. Know one in the house could sleep. I was so out of it but then remembered the oil and as soon as I put it on her they went away. This happened both nights! Anyone desperate it’s worth a try. It doesn’t work for everyone and it’s expensive but I’d pay anything for her to sleep with out night terrors. I’m going to try and use it on my husband tonight to see if it helps him. Dream Catcher!
Typo’s on comment-I used voice text. without and no one
Thank you for this article is well as the other comments. I will be trying them, music, cool facecloth and iron sounds great. My mr 7 year old has had them for a few years now. Still very much hate watching them but there is no way I wouldn’t. We seem to think his is due to a mixture of things, hot feet, stress from school, anxiety, fussy eating. Only pattern is when he is way from school it’s less often, once or twice week rather than nearly every night. He also used to get bad dreams that he would remember but found his dream catcher has changed his mind set? He believes that it eats up his bad dreams, it’s been 2 weeks almost with nothing and only one night terror. Thanks again for the tips will be keeping this in mind xx
My granddaughter started having night terrors when she was just a few months old. She is almost 4 now and she still has them occasionally. When she was little we could take her to the sink and put her feet under running water for a few minutes and she would calm down. Running water doesn’t work now and we are struggling to find a calm for her. She she has yet to sleep through the night. Thank you for the tips and to know that we are not alone in this struggle.
Oh that sounds so rough! I hope things improve for you all.
I believe my son is experiencing this night terrors as well. He shows many of the symptoms listed in this article, as well as the comments posted here. However, he seems to remember them the next day. Not always, but every now and then he will randomly tell me “I am sorry I was screaming and hitting last night mommy”. It is frustrating to me, because my boyfriend thinks he is just throwing a tantrum and he gets upset and tries to discipline him. He says it can’t be a night terror if he remembers it. But my “mommy instincts” tell me that something is wrong and it is not just a tantrum. I do not think that he is awake or aware of what is happening and so I try to soothe him and be there for him instead of yelling and disciplining like my boyfriend does. He also always wants to sleep in the bed with me after he calms down and he becomes very clingy, but my boyfriend insists he goes bad to his own bed (which of course starts the meltdown all over again). My son will also ask for snacks and a movie after he calms down, and of course my boyfriend thinks I am spoiling him to give him snacks and a cartoons at midnight. Sometimes these terrors last for over an hour, and sometimes they happen multiple times a night. I am so exhausted that by the time he calms down I am willing to give him anything so that we can all get back to sleep. Am I making it worse by adding food and screen time? Can these really be night terrors if he remembers them the next day? Also, he slams the door repeatedly and throws things around. Should I ignore him when he does all of this or try to stop it? I really do not know what to do. Somebody please help!
Technically, if your child recalls the incident in the night then it is not what they call a ‘night terror’. Perhaps it is a nightmare? Or perhaps he is waking in the night for some other reason and feeling scared or wanting an adult? Or perhaps it is a combination of all three?
Whatever it is, it sounds like it is tough to deal with, and that you don’t have much support, so I’d suggest reaching out to professional in your area and seeking some specific advice. Good luck
Try to carry your child to a sink and place get in cool waterour bring a cool rag or a bowl of water to them. It worked for my daughter. She would come to immediately and lay her head on my shoulder and go back to sleep.
Sorry. Place the feet in cool water . Auto correct got me… sorry.and it’s or not our