I didn’t video my son playing in his piano concert.
I didn’t even take a photo.
I planned to, I even got my phone out ready to press the record button and video every second, but when they called his name and he walked up to the piano, I put my phone down.
I did feel guilty…
I felt like the only parent who didn’t hold up a phone or device to capture their child’s moment.
I knew there were family and friends who would have liked to watch a video of his performance.
Perhaps my boy would have liked to watch it himself?
And I felt like I was the worst parent in the world for not videoing his performance.
But as he sat at the piano I shoved the guilt, and my phone, aside, and I watched, and I listened.
I listened to the three pieces of music I have heard him play over, and over, and over, again at home.
I watched his oh so serious face, his concentration, and quiet confidence.
I heard him correct little errors and keep playing even though it wasn’t perfect.
I watched his sisters watching him, and his little brother sitting still and quiet, staring between heads with admiration.
And when it was over, I saw him stand up and walk back to his seat, with just the hint of a smile on his still serious face.
And I was glad I had watched him… actually watched him, with my eyes, not a screen.
Mothers are not selfish very often, but I was then.
I took that moment just for me.
So I’m sorry family members who didn’t get to see his performance…
And I’m sorry son who doesn’t have a video of himself to watch…
And I’m sorry ridiculous inner voice of parenting guilt…
There will be other performances to capture on video, this time I only captured the moment in my memory, and it was worth it.