Expect a Little More, Accept a Little Less.
There are so many things that I love about school holidays but after six weeks with all six of us crammed into our little house things are a getting little fractious.
We’ve all enjoyed being a little (or a lot) lazy but lately it feels as thought we’ve let things slide almost to the point of insanity. Late nights, early mornings, too much TV, tantrums, crappy food, shouting…
It’s clearly time to get back on track and I’ve been thinking about the expectations we have of our kids, and for our family as a whole.
Are they too high? Too low?
Do I ask them to do too much or too little to help around the home?
Is the behavior I expect from them appropriate for their age and stage of development?
Are they really old enough to stop whining?
Are they actually capable of keeping their room under control?
Do I expect more of the boys because they have their older sisters to live up to?
Are my expectations in line with what I really want for my family?
The answer to all those questions is…
Well…
Most of the time I just don’t know.
Usually I take a wild stab in the dark and wait and see if things come crashing down around me or not. Not exactly the most enlightened way to parent huh?
But I’ve been thinking about it lately and really it’s hard to know exactly where my kids are at, what they are ready for, or what they could achieve if given the chance. I want to challenge them, to encourage them to be all they can be and do all they can do, but I don’t want to force them into things they are not ready for, that just makes everyone miserable.
So I’ve come up with an idea that just might answer my question…
Expect a little more… Accept a little less.
If I expect a little more than I might normally, I give my children the chance to shine, to try new things and grow and develop. At the same time, if I am happy to accept a little less then I am creating an environment where it is ok to ask for help, it’s ok to have a bad patch, to work on a skill at your own pace or make a mistake.
It doesn’t mean that I raise the bar way too high, or that I let them get away with murder… it’s just a way to hedge my bets a little, to let them walk the high wire with a safe place to fall onto.
Oh, I was so having these conversations in my head today… which was tricky considering that some crazy lady kept yelling about the mess, and the stuff, and the lack of respect and gratitude. I hope that crazy lady doesn’t come back again tomorrow, and I might actually be able to come up with some answers to my own questions about expectations!!
Thanks for you post. It is good to know I am not the only one wondering :-) and yes it is hard to figure out what they are ready for.
Sounds like a great little phrase! I think I get so sucked in to expecting more of my daughter that I forget she’s only just 3! Her behaviour most of the time is so mature and lovely. When she doesn’t measure up to that standard I have to remind myself that it’s OK and she sometimes needs to be a typical 3 year old. Love your blog BTW :-)
I
Love
That.
I want to use that as a quotation- its just great, Kate!
May I use “expect a little more & accept a little less”?
Way to go for us, the grown-ups too I think!
totally applies to me as much as to my kids… and sure… use it whenever and however you wish :)
I’m so glad that you wrote this post. This is something that has been flitting around in my mind for a couple of months now. How do you know when the time is right to “expect more”. I know that one of my biggest goals for my little one is for her to be independent, self-sufficient. I know that is MY job as her parent to teach her what she needs to know, but putting it into practice isn’t easy. If only our kidlets came with instruction manuals. :)
Lisa
Hi Kate! I see this is an old post, but I just read it in conjunction with your “15 Ways…” post (which I printed this morning to hang on the fridge).
I took your advice and asked my 5-yo to sign his name on six thank-you cards. I expected to have to help, but he signed all of them, drew pictures in all of them, and stuffed and licked the envelopes!! Because of your post, I created a very pleasant surprise for myself and a sense of accomplishment for little Bug! Yay all of us!
Ah it’s so nice when a little surprise like that happens! :)
I love that – expect a little more, accept a little less. I’ll be remembering that one. Thanks Kate. :D