I used to think that to forgive meant that things that had happened in the past, sad, difficult, angry things, had to somehow magically become ok.
I used to think that I had to find some magical way to be happy with those things, those issues or circumstances before I could forgive them.
Now I’ve learned better.
Now I know that forgiving simply means making peace and moving on.
I don’t have to like what happened. I don’t have to change my opinion of it. I can forgive simply by deciding that it is what it is and it’s time to let it go and move on.
This is kind of a revelation for me, especially when it comes to parenting.
The good old ‘mummy guilt’ often rears it’s ugly head in my life.
It likes to pop up and remind me of all the times I have stuffed up, of all the things I have done wrong, of all the ways I have been a bad parent. It can even twist logic and make me believe that things I had absolutely no control over, were really my fault.
Twins born eleven weeks early due to a Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome? Of course that must have been my fault.
I squash the guilt, and associated worry about long term ramifications for my kids, deep down, but it still rears up again, usually at times when I am struggling or stretched thin. It bubbles back up to remind me of all the ways I am messing up as a parent.
Last week I wrote about judging our parenting not by all the less than perfect moments, but by all the little things that happen that remind us we are doing ok.
This week I want to go a step further…
Lets address all those less than perfect moments, all the things that make the parenting guilt come bubbling to the surface, and lets forgive them.
Things are not perfect, we are not perfect, that is ok.
It is what it is.
Let it go.
What do you need to forgive and let go?
Aah yes, that premmie baby guilt. I didn’t realise it was common to others. I think in the busyness of life things can move on without the ‘making peace’ part and the issue can ‘fester’. Making peace and forgiving is the go.. and then letting go.
I love your posts. They nearly always strike a nerve with me. This one in particular rings so true. And I really need to follow your advice.
Thank you for sharing with us. It’s VERY helpful to know that others don’t actually live that imaginary perfect life that I assume they do and that other parents do, in fact, struggle.