Four children? Are you Insane?
That is the usual response when people realise my ever expanding belly will make us a family of six. They ask, some tongue in cheek and some quiet earnestly, if we are crazy. Crazy, I guess, because four children is way more than your average two point something and even over the somewhat acceptable three.
For us, three seemed to be totally acceptable to the wider world. To have a third after having twins seemed almost expected. Perhaps it was the fact that our twins are identical and so both girls and of course it is seen as desirable to have at least one child of each sex. Whatever the reason, no one battered and eye lid when number three came along, but four? Number four seems to put us in the ‘insanely large family’ category, which I admit came as a bit of a surprise.
Is four children really a ‘large family’?
When I think of a ‘large family’ I’m thinking of those who have eight or maybe twelve kids. That seems ‘large’ to me. Four? Four just seems ‘one more than can fit in your average family car’… so ok, yeah, bigger than average perhaps, but not ‘large’.
Perhaps we are crazy?
The thought has crossed my mind on many more occasions than I care to honestly admit. What on earth am I doing having another baby? Am I even coping with the three I already have? Haven’t I already scarred those three for life? What makes me think screwing up another child is a good idea?
Then there is that ecological question. Am I bringing more than my fair share of people into an already over populated world? Into a world that perhaps doesn’t foretell the brightest of futures for my children? Am I being environmentally friendly or simply selfish?
To be honest, the most accurate answer is that I am being selfish.
I like having children. I like being pregnant, giving birth, having a baby and watching them grow. I like being a mother. Sure. it is not all roses and marshmallows… far from it, but I still like it.
I feel lucky to have these children. Lucky to be in a position where we can afford to take care of them (not that I believe children always cost the earth, but I do know that they cost something) and even more lucky that I am able to be at home with them while they are little. We are lucky to live where we live and how we live and to share that with our children.
Being a mother is what I do right now. It is not all that I am but it is a HUGE part of who I am. I like that. It is my way of changing the world right now. Not in huge momentous earth shaking ways, but in small, proud ‘Mummy Moment’ kind of ways.
Sure we are contributing to the ‘over population of the world’ and making our ‘ecological foot print’ ever larger… and sure I could find a million ways to try justify that, but I don’t really see the point. Being a mother is some strange biological ‘thing’ that I just don’t have the words to describe or the arguments to justify. It just is.
Soon we will have four children.
Yes we know what causes it.
Yes we have a TV (two in fact)
Yes we may be insane, and even un-environmentally friendly, but that’s ok.
We can live with that, and with being a ‘large family’.
Four isn’t crazy. I only have 2, but would have had more if my body did pregnancy better.
Check out The Duggars. http://www.duggarfamily.com/ They have 19 kids. See, your family looks totally normal next to them!
Katie – that line “Being a mother is some strange biological ‘thing’ that I just don’t have the words to describe or the arguments to justify. It just is.” is the bit, I think, that most people miss.
I also can’t help but wonder if sometimes people just make those comments because ALL pregnant women are incapable of thinkging or talking about anything that isn’t their incubatee – allegedly :D
Anyhoo – crazy is as crazy does :P
bestest of luck – been thinking of you :)
I think for a lot of people it’s almost like sticker shock, gasping at what seems a lot when they’re unused to it. I am immune to four cause there’s so many fours around me lol
I also think with more blended families there is often more than your usual 2.2, but maybe with more onlies as a result too to balance it out? Maybe our fam with the pigeon pair is going the way of the dodo lol I’ll get even more aren’t you clever comments then!! Lol I get to hide my crazy behind two children of each gender, yours is immediately apparent lol
I got into a very bad way on the weekend because I just want number two, but with jobs what they are, my husbands scholarship finishing the end of next year I am more than likely going to have to go back to work to pay the mortgage.
I am being selfish also, as I loved being pregnant/giving birth and although we have been fighting like cat and dog lately (I am blaming cabin fever and lack of outside contact) I love being a mum. I want to do it again.
That said, I wouldn’t do for. I am one of five. Bigger than average families are nice, but I know I couldn’t cope.
So, yes, I think you are certifiably crazy, but where would we be without our crazies? :P (I’d still be here – I was the 1st born LOL)
Totally hearing you, Kate. I have four kids myself and I get the “are you crazy” look and question too. MEH!
You’re not crazy. Not at all. I love the idea of a bigger family – but husband doesn’t think we can afford it though, and I think another pregnancy would break me.
I am cheering you on!
I always loved the idea of having more children. But after having number 2, I knew he was going to be the last. It wasn’t any specific reason, but our family felt complete.
No, I don’t think you’re crazy at all! I also love being pregnant … one of the nicest feelings!
I think you’re crazy, but there are lots of crazy things about you, and I like all of them! :P
You are four times blessed. xx
As Leah said… Depends on which circles you travel in. In middle suburbia, east of Melbourne, four isn’t terribly unusual. I seem to know quite a few (not catholic!) families of four or five.
Hey if you’re crazy then I’m crazy because I want four. Oh. Um. Okay that may not be the best arguement given most people think I’m crazy. ~_~
Also agree with SquiggleMum – I see a LOT of families around where we are now that have 4-5 kids so it’t not that unusual around here at least. And per the census we don’t have an unusually large catholic population either.
Well, I’m selfish the other way because I don’t want more then 1! (So I have to suffer the “are you going to have another child?” questions). So you can have my spare quota ok?! :)
Interestingly, as one of for growing up I knew VERY few other ppl in similar sized families. Plenty of two and threes, but only one or two other fams with four kids.
And now, off the top of my head I can think of 7 families at kinder/school with 4 kids, and then there’s you guys as well :)
Have been thinking about this of late, and how J won’t be so unusual being the eldest of 4 as I was back in the day :)
We have 3, and are trying for #4. My biggest “fear” of #4 isn’t how we are going to provide for it, love it, take care of it, but what OTHER people think and say – and how to tell my mother! I know I shouldn’t, but I do.
It’s unusual – and not often celebrated.
Of course you could just tell them that you’re making up for your sister-in-law who has failed to date to have any!
Since technically on an in-law family basis we are only averaging 1.167/children per sibling. Thank you for doing my part for populating the next tax paying generation for Mr Rudd and Mr Swan :-)
You sound like a lovely person and I say as long as you can care for and love those children you could have 1000!
Welcome to the world of 4. We have 4 too. And my youngest is turning 4 soon. So 4 may very well be my favourite number. I also got quite hostile, you are crazy reactions on the 4th pregnancy. It was rude if nothing else. We always planned to have 4 and we did. It is exhausting, expensive and also exhilarating! I have started to refer to the smalls (6 and 3) and the bigs (11 and 8). One definite advantage is that they really do always have somebody to play with (or annoy). I hope that as adults they will have that sense of having this little community of people who will be there for them no matter what.
Oh, and we don’t have a tv! Now that is nuts.
Lovely to find your blog. And good luck!
Michelle
I just LOVE this post. xx
What is it with the TV thing? I get the same question. I also get the “are you crazy?”…a lot. Sure, I’m crazy. Whatever.
I really laughed at this: What makes me think screwing up another child is a good idea?
Can I just something in defence of the eco footprint thing…isn’t it more economical to have more people live under the same roof? I think it can be MORE environmentally friendly to do this and share the resources…just a thought…
And I love having a larg-ish family…