Kindness and compassion are things that kids learn over time, and with a lot of practice. As parents, caregivers and educators, it’s out job to help our kids develop these traits.
Use these 5 practical strategies for teaching kids compassion and fostering a culture of kindness so we can help our kids make a positive impact on the people around them.
“He’s always getting in trouble!
He does stupid things and makes our teacher cranky, then the rest of us get into trouble when it isn’t out fault! It’s not fair.”
It’s easy to regard others by the label they have already been given. The ‘trouble maker’ who has always gotten in trouble at school – it’s easy to write him off as someone who is just making things difficult.
It’s easy to just tell my girls to ignore him, to make sure they are doing the right thing and not worry about anyone else, but if I do that I am missing out on an opportunity to teach compassion.
This conversation is the perfect opportunity to help my girls look beyond the label, to see the real person, and to give someone a chance and to choose kindness first.
“Why do you think he does that? Why is he silly all the time?” I ask.
“I dunno… he just… he just… when things are different or hard… he just gets stupid!”
“Do you think maybe it is his way of dealing with hard things? Maybe when he is feeling stressed, or unsure, or upset, or when he finds something difficult he deals with that by acting out?”
“To take the attention off the thing that he is having trouble with?” She says thinking,
“Maybe… probably sometimes… yes.”
“I know he was unhappy the other day… maybe something is bothering him?”
I don’t ask my kids to befriend him, or help him, or even be ok with the behaviour.
I simply ask them to think again, to try and look for more, to assign positive intent, to try and understand things from his perspective, to have compassion.
“You know most people who are being mean, or silly, or acting out in some way, are struggling with something inside themselves…” I tell my girls
“It doesn’t mean that their behaviour is ok, or that you have to put up with it if it is directly impacting you, but it can help a lot to try and understand why they might be acting that way. It can help you find a good way to deal with it, or even just help it not bother you so much.”
That’s where the discussion ended that day, but we have had many more about how we can try to understand the points of view of others, how we can put ourselves in their situation and instead of our reaction being based on frustration, or fear, or anger, it can be based on understanding, kindness and compassion.
How to Teach Children Compassion
Helping kids learn compassion is one of the most important jobs I have as a parent and a teacher.
Helping our kids become kind and compassionate people can feel a bit daunting but these practical suggestions for teaching children compassion will help get you started.
- Make kindness and compassion and core family value
Talk about kindness, compassion and empathy, what it is, and why it is important to you and your family. - Model kindness and compassion in your own life.
Children learn from watching the adults in their lives, so make sure you are showing kindness and compassion to the people in your life, and extending it to your children. - Work on emotional literacy with your kids
Help your kids learn how to identify their own emotions, and those of others. Help them learn the words to use and ways to manage difficult emotions, and they will be better equipped to be kind to themselves and others. - Try some fun kindness books, activities or games.
Head to the library and ask the librarian to help you find some books about kindness and compassion, try this free printable skittles game for kids is a great way to learn about kindness and friendship or try one of these kindness games for kids. - Take every opportunity to notice kindness and talk about compassion
Remark on kindness when you see it, and talk about situations like the one above showing your kids how to look beyond the surface and think about how to respond to tricky situations with compassion. If you need some encouragement try these 60 kindness questions to ask kids to get the conversations started.
How do you help your kids learn compassion?
Sometimes I get hung up in reading and maths, or how well they are doing at sport or dancing, and I forget that one thing I really want my children to know is how to be kind, and compassionate. We need to take advantage of these little opportunities as they pop up and help our children develop empathy, and teach them that kindness is important.
Such an important lesson and one which we adults need to remember too!
yes! It is easy to forget that kindness goes a long way for adults too!
I had a similar situation with 8yo the other day. She came up to me saying one of her friends was being mean to another one of her friends. 8yo had then told her friend to stop being mean to her other friend which had resulted in the friend being mean to her.
I asked what she was doing, apparently calling the other friend names. I suggested maybe the friend was being mean because she was upset or angry about something and asked what had happened prior to that. Apparently they had been playing hide and seek and the other friend had told the rest of the group where the first friend was hidden. I asked if that may have made the first friend angry, the gaggle of girls agreed it may have done, so I said perhaps the friend was angry because the other friend had told where her hiding spot was but because she might not know to just tell them that’s what she was angry about, she was being mean instead, and that they should maybe go apologise and talk about it.
They went to talk but I have no idea what the outcome was :)
I do think your way is much better than just assuming people are idiots for the sake of it :)
Thank you. Compassion is all I ask for so many times. My child is the “trouble child”. He is ADHD and brilliantly gifted. He is probably autistic and he has broad spectrum anxiety disorder. He longs to be a “good kid” and wants to make friends but he has a hard time just sitting still in class. I know of three teachers that tried to enlist his class mates in “keeping him in line”. Can you imagine the issues that caused? Finding someone who tries to see his side is rare indeed. Compassion and understanding go a LONG way to making his day a little easier.
What an excellent example for all of us! It can be so hard to think about others when they’re hurting us, but it’s the only way to get real and lasting solutions. It’s so wonderful that you’re building that empathy in your children now so it becomes habit as they grow. We certainly need more compassionate people in this world!