Recently I blogged about some ideas I’ve been using to try to reduce the amount of yelling I do.
Despite the past week being full of out of the ordinary stressful events and situations, despite being super busy and stretched, I am proud to say I managed to keep my yelling in check this week. Our house has not been a perfect, yell-free zone by any means, but making a conscious decision to yell less, and writing down my ideas and goals has really made a big difference to how I’ve coped.
It was fabulous to read so many comments and emails in reply to my post. You’ve all shared lots of great ideas and suggestions which have helped me a lot, so I’m going to share some of them in this post so they can help others too.
How to stop yelling at your kids
These suggestions are from real parents who are working on this stuff too.
Sarah from Fig Nut Mum offered these great ideas:
I have started to
STOP
and take a breath.I find it helps me to just pause for that moment and look at the whole picture and not just the tiny trigger which has caused me to want to yell.
And to drink water often. Seriously it helps. As when I get dry I get touchy and moody etc. Plus having a drink of water gives me a moment to clear my head (or try to)
I really love the tip on drinking water… I have not been keeping up with that of late and I think it really helps be feel better within myself which in turns helps me cope with set backs.
Kate shared this to help us put our ‘fails’ into perspective…
I saw some “child expert” on Sunrise once say that parents who worry a lot about their mistakes as parents should give themselves a break as the parents who are really damaging their children don’t spend much time worrying about mistakes they might have made. That made me feel a lot better.
TeacherMum shared this great post about her own ‘shouting moments’ and what her older son thought about it – The Choice We Make
Mel from The Hawk and the Fire Cat shared a link to Joyfully Rejoicing, primarily a home-schooling site but full of great resources on this topic too. She also shared this tip;
Sometimes I write something or draw something on my hand to look at when I’m about to yell to remind myself to stop.
Annie said;
When my son has a tantrum and I’m about to yell I try to give him a hug. Sometimes it doesn’t work, but sometimes it’s enough to diffuse both of us.
Lulu shared this approach,I find saying “Noah” then taking a deep breath before starting to say what I want to say. I also find using the same phrases (because of his age) works- since he is a climber for example I try to say in the same tone “Noah……….get down now please” – I saw it strongly but in an even voice if that makes sense.
And Neane offer this very important point…
I feel blessed having friends like her and access to people like you – it helps to learn new coping mechanisms and know that other people go through this stuff too.
It really is so important to have friends who you can share your good and your bad days with, online and in real life!
Here are some other links to articles about how to stop yelling at our kids.
A great list of articles on gentle guidance at The Natural Child Project.
Twenty Alternatives to Punishment from Aware Parenting.
Alternatives to Punishment at Mothering.com
So how are you doing in your quest to shout less?
Toilet humour has been my best tool this week, what has been working for you?
This was such a perfect day to read your blog having begun the day terribly this morning with teenage son. There has been lots of yelling in our house of late on both sides and we all hate it. I never used to be a yeller and its no excuse that I’ve been so stressed out. I realise that we do have a choice and after listening to teenager “parent” youngest sibling lately I know something has to change. So if you don’t mind, I,m printing this page and posting it up on my wall so I have the visual reminders at hand.
This discussion is so helpful to me at the moment. I have been sick of myself yelling! They are either fighting or getting very very silly. I feel like a party pooper but the sillies are driving me crazy!!! I have been better since reading all the advice. I have tried lowering my voice, taking the breath and choosing my battles. The other thing I have tried doing is actually giving them my attention. If it is getting so bad that I am yelling, I try and change what we are doing, playing a game or giving them a task. Also separating them when things get bad. I grab one to come and help me with something and it changes the dynamics.
It’s very easy to lose your temper especially when you feel ‘fed up’ or frustrated.
One thing I learnt at a youth centre was to ‘de brief’ at the end of the day. What went well, what didn’t? What was some positive things that happened. Is there anything that needs addressing or that could have been handled better. Do I need to talk to someone about how I may be feeling? Finish the day with POSITIVE feelings and don’t drag the negatives into the next day.
This prevents “Built up” stress and may also help parents in keeping their cool. I think its also good to do anyway because we too often focus on negatives and forget about the lovely things. A smile. A hug. A helpful gesture. A new artwork. A song and dance. Yes that’s right, somewhere in all that stress these things ALSO happened.
Thanks for sharing everyone’s tips.
Thanks for lots of great suggestions. Whilst we have all done it (& will continue to do it at times) having some good strategies in place for ourselves certainly helps us to lesson the frequency & stress caused to us all by yelling. Thanks too Kate for the mention x
I’ve been doing much better with the shouting right up until this morning! I seem to have been shouting a lot this morning….great to come read this post and some of the links just at this moment. I need a reset switch sometimes to change my attitude. Thanks for the mention :-) and hopefully I will have a shouting free afternoon
Sometimes I find that my child most needs a hug when she least deserves one.
Thanks so much for your post, thoughts, ideas. This is one of my biggest struggles. I do find that I yell most when I am doing something for myself. . .computer, watching tv. I have noticed that when I put those things away, and concentrate on the kids, and getting them to play, or even help me around the house, that is when I can cope with the stress, and control my frustrations.