“Oh I love them all the same…”
She said it with such offhand confidence that it threw me for a moment.
Does she really love all her kids totally, utterly, equally, and the same?
Because I don’t.
I have four children and I love them with all my being.
I do not love one more than I love another, but I do not love them the same.
I love them differently.
I love the girls with awe and wonder.
Even after nine years I still catch my breath with the sudden shock that they are mine, that they are here, both of them. It rocks me to my core. I have twins. I have two girls. My oldest children, who first made me a mother. They blow me away, they inspire me, and I love them with amazement.
In the early days I tried to balance out my love for them, feeling the heavy weight of guilt that one should not get more or less than the other. I have learned better.
I have learned to accept how similar they are and love them for it, and I have also learned to find joy in their differences and love them too. And even though they are identical twins and have very similar personalities, I still love them differently.
I love Zoe with a rumbling under current of amzement and excitement. What will this child become? Where will she go? Who will she be? Watching her unfold is pure joy mixed with worry and uncertainty.
I love Izzy with mama bear pride and a strong sense of advocacy. She will be who she is, no matter what anyone else thinks of it, I will make sure of it.
And the boys? They may look alike but they are as different from each other as they are from their sisters.
I love Morgan with ferocity and passion. I have to, he demanded it of me from the moment he was born. My love for him makes me punch the air and be proud of being a mother even as it pulls at my heart.
I love Noah with a grin and a giggle. He is sunshine and dancing music. He is like that random Lego that you step on in the middle of the night… even when he is driving you bonkers you can’t help but love him.
I love my kids, more than I ever thought possible.
I love them wildly, with fear and excitement, with every part of me, with smiles and tears…. but they are different people so I love them differently.
The same, but different.
How do you love your children?
Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:
Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo says
Medium rare, with a balsamic glaze.
(come on… You love me)
mmmmm balsamic glaze…….
They are all my favourites. I get you on this.
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum says
That’s exactly how I love mine as well – same, but different. It has to be different, because they are all so unique – but not any more or less love for each of them either.
i also love my kids differently..i have to, because they are not the same and they all require something different from me, they all experience love differently. But i also love then equally in that they each are so so precious to me, one cannot replace the other, they all have a special place in my heart, a place that is theirs and will remain theirs forever.
Linda Britton says
I actually wondered when I was pregnant with number 2 how I could possibly love another baby as much as I did my daughter. It was weird for me to understand that I loved them differently. I think because I love them for different reasons, and the way they love back differently is just amazing!
This is a great post – I really, really, really enjoyed it. And I am so glad that you posted it. As a soon-to-be Mum I have been thinking about how we love … I’ve even posted about it here: http://goodfoodweek.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/i-have-favourite-dress-and-i-have.html … and this blog post made me feel good inside :)
jenny b says
Thanks for the great photos of the kids. i think the camera captured each one perfectly but interestingly not Morgan. He’s tricky!!! Love the post.
Amazing ..I get you .I ,too ,have 4 and they are all so different even though I did the same things with them.I love them all madly ,wildly and individually.
My life would be oh so incomplete without them.
You are in for a great adventure as mine are already quite grown and the trip has been wonderful.
I agree completely my daughters are so different I don’t love them the same either.
Marla K says
Linda Britton, I had that exact same experience! I could NOT imagine loving another person as much or as intensely as I loved my little girl. And then my son was born. Truth be told, it took me a little longer before I was completely head over heels in love with him, but when it did happen, it was as if I was hit by a truck. They are both so amazing and they are both MINE. And being adopted, I have never had a sense of true belonging. But with these little bodies….. they are mine. All mine.
Love this and how you put it into words. I feel exactly the same. And it’s not something you can ever understand until you have kids. Love them so differently and so, so much. One is my heart, one is my joy, and one is my happiness.
I recently read an old article about the experience of having a premature baby and the parenting journey that follows. I thought of you and your girls and wondered if you would like it. The link is http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html
Oh thanks for linking that up Rachel.. I have read that before and really felt it made sense for those of us who’s journey to becoming a mother didn’t quite got to plan! :)