What is the one thing you wish for your children?
If someone asked this question, I’m guessing many of us would say that above all else, we want our kids to be happy.
It seems like such a simple thing, but happiness is a BIG call.
To be mostly happy is a great goal. To be always happy is an impossible goal, and even, dare I say it, an unhealthy goal. Yet many of us carry that impossible burden around with us.
We want our kids to be happy, we want our family to be happy, and so we take on the impossible task of trying to keep everyone happy, if not all of the time, then at least most of the time.
We find it uncomfortable when our kids are not happy, and downright difficult, guilt ridden, and heartbreaking when they are sad or angry.
We need to let go of that.
It is not our job as parents to keep our kids happy all the time.
It is our job to set limits, and guide behaviour. It is our job to be firm on not so fun things, the things that need to be done, even when we don’t want to do them.
In our house, these things rarely make my kids happy. They usually don’t make me happy, but they still need to happen.
It is not our job as parents to keep our kids happy all the time.
It is our job to show and teach our kids how to handle set backs, disappointment, anger, sadness and all the ‘other than happy’ emotions.
We have to feel all of these emotions to learn how to manage them. We need to learn that it is not the end of the world when things go wrong, that failing won’t kill us, that there is good even among sadness.
This part of parenting often breaks my heart, and stretches me to my limits, but I know these skills and lessons are important.
It is not our job as parents to keep our kids happy all the time.
It is our job as parents to let our kids be unhappy, or angry, or frustrated, or difficult sometimes, to accept that, and to love them anyway.
So let go of the guilt and the incredible burden of carrying the responsibility for someone else’s happiness. After all, the only person’s feelings we can even attempt to control are our own.
Do you struggle with this as a parent?
Do you find it hard when your kids are unhappy?
I think we all struggle with that from time to time. It’s hard to see the kids sad or upset – but you’re right, they are the ones who are in control of, and ultimately responsible for, their own feelings.
As a new mumma, one of the things that I promised to Scarlett was that I would make her happy. But now that I think about it, whilst it is possible now as she is a newborn to make her happy, as she gets older she will be able to create her own happiness. Interesting article.