He went off to his first day of school with a huge grin on his face and his trademark cheeky eyes.
He’s been waiting for this day for a long time.
He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he didn’t just start school the day he turned five last June.
“But why mum??”
He was five, you go to school when you are five, so why did he have to wait a whole six months till the start of the year???
Every morning since he turned five he would wake up and ask me, “Is today the day I go to school?” and today, as I kissed his pudgy cheek and woke him up, I whispered in his ear, “today is the day you go to school!”
And just like that, off he went… in his too big uniform, with a giant name tag, and a huge grin.
It feels like the last, first step, to letting go.
I’ve practiced this first step of letting go three times before.
I’ve loosened my grip, taken a big breath, and sent three bigger kids off to school…
Off to learn new things and figure out who they are and how they fit into the world without me always by their side.
It’s not always been easy, but it has been surprisingly wonderful watching them grow, and change, and become who they are, watching them need me a little less as time goes by.
This last child has been by my side as I’ve let go, as his siblings have grown up. He’s watched them and wanted to be like them for so long, and today it was his turn.
I will miss him pottering around and chattering away.
I will miss having him to keep me company and make me laugh.
I will miss him randomly asking me for a hug, or a snack, or to build Lego.
I will miss being the ‘mum of little kids’.
That’s what I’ve been for so long… the Mum of little kids.
That’s what I know how to be.
That’s what I feel comfortable being.
And now, just as my littlest one is learning all kinds of new things and figuring out his new role as a school kid, I have to figure out my new role too.
It feels like the end of something momentous, and the start of something wonderfully uncertain.
It feels like the last first step to letting go… for my boy and for me.
Have you sent your baby off to school?
How did it feel without any little kids at home?
I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts – leave a comment below or pop over to my facebook page.