The Last, First Step, to Letting Go.

When your youngest child starts school it can bring up all kinds of odd thoughts and emotions!

He went off to his first day of school with a huge grin on his face and his trademark cheeky eyes.

He’s been waiting for this day for a long time.

He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he didn’t just start school the day he turned five last June.
“But why mum??”
He was five, you go to school when you are five, so why did he have to wait a whole six months till the start of the year???

Every morning since he turned five he would wake up and ask me, “Is today the day I go to school?” and today, as I kissed his pudgy cheek and woke him up, I whispered in his ear, “today is the day you go to school!”

And just like that, off he went… in his too big uniform, with a giant name tag, and a huge grin.

It feels like the last, first step, to letting go.

I’ve practiced this first step of letting go three times before.

I’ve loosened my grip, taken a big breath, and sent three bigger kids off to school…
Off to learn new things and figure out who they are and how they fit into the world without me always by their side.

It’s not always been easy, but it has been surprisingly wonderful watching them grow, and change, and become who they are, watching them need me a little less as time goes by.

This last child has been by my side as I’ve let go, as his siblings have grown up. He’s watched them and wanted to be like them for so long, and today it was his turn.

I will miss him pottering around and chattering away.
I will miss having him to keep me company and make me laugh.
I will miss him randomly asking me for a hug, or a snack, or to build Lego.

I will miss being the ‘mum of little kids’.

That’s what I’ve been for so long… the Mum of little kids.
That’s what I know how to be.
That’s what I feel comfortable being.

And now, just as my littlest one is learning all kinds of new things and figuring out his new role as a school kid, I have to figure out my new role too.

It feels like the end of something momentous, and the start of something wonderfully uncertain.

It feels like the last first step to letting go… for my boy and for me.

Have you sent your baby off to school?
How did it feel without any little kids at home?

I’d love to hear your experiences and thoughts – leave a comment below or pop over to my facebook page.

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    9 Comments

    1. Look at Noah’s face! What a happy & ready to get stuck into school face! His teacher will have the best year thanks to Noah! I met him when he was being carried by you in a sling in March 2011! Now you are mum with no-one at home. It’s a huge shift for you. It will take some time to get used to it but you will. Your family is growing up fast Kate! Denyse x

    2. I can so relate. In 5 days I will be sending our youngest and 4th off to kindergarten. She is so terribly excited and her eyes just sparkle. For me it is mostly exciting and yet just a wee bit sad. Wouldn’t change it for a minute but wish I could slow it down. It’s so much fun watching them grow and learn.

    3. My baby has just gone into Year 2 and I still miss the pre-school era. I cried a LOT when she started – like proper ugly cry, in public places (but fortunately not in front of her).

      Our family is firmly entrenched in ‘the school years’ (grades 2, 5 & 8) and I am already dreading the end of them… These precious years while they are ‘ours’ go too fast!

      And just like your ‘baby’, mine was DESPERATE to start school and has her sights SO firmly set on those siblings ahead of her it breaks my heart – because all I want to do is slow her down and keep her small…

      1. I keep telling my big girls (they are 12) not to want to grow up too fast… and they look at me like I’m nuts! I guess I am nuts, but I’m so with you… if they could just slow down a little!!!

    4. i popped into Nathan’s class on Thursday just to say goodbye after getting Toby settled. I looked at all grade 3 kids and wondered when they all got so big! Growing up seems to take forever, but at the same time it goes in a blink!

      1. That is so true! I think it’s almost harder to fathom that my girls are in their last year of primary school than it is to think about my baby being in his first year!

    5. Well, Kate, wait until that school is college. I cried for 2 hours on the way home from dropping our oldest off at FSU. It’s never easy, no matter the age. : )