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Lessons I Learned from a Late Afternoon Tantrum

Posted on April 10, 2014 18 Comments

The Zen of a late afternoon tantrum... it's not perfect but it's ok.

I stand at the bench making dinner and listen to him cry.

He is wailing about the injustice of being three and a half.

He is angry, because he is not allowed to go out and ride his bike on the road with the big kids. He is cross, because I have to make dinner, I can’t go out to ride, and if I can’t go, he can’t go.

He is frustrated… but I’m not.

In the past, this kind of tantrum, at this point in the day, after a day full of impossible three and a half year old tantrums, would have sent me over the edge, but not today.

Today I feel sad for him, instead of feeling guilty that I’ve let the big kids go and not him.
Today I feel sad for him, instead of feeling frustrated that I can’t be everything, to everyone, all the time.
Today I feel sad for him, instead of feeling angry that this tantrum is making a difficult time of day even more stressful.

I put the first of the pizza pockets in the oven and wander down the hall to scoop him up. I rest my chin on his little blond head.

“It’s not fair!” he sobs into my chest, and today that phrase doesn’t even drive me insane like it usually does.

“It’s really not” I tell him, as I realise that today I am not trying to fix things. I don’t feel the burden of having to find a way to make everything ok, all the time.

I am not sure when I discovered the zen of this late afternoon tantrum, but it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and even though he still cries as I return to the pizzas, I know it’s all ok.

In the big scheme of things, it’s ok.
Even in this moment, even with the tears, it’s ok.

It’s not perfect… but it’s ok.

What have you learned from your parenting struggles recently?

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Filed Under: parenting Tagged With: parenting

Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:

  1. gen says

    Thank you, once again for refocusing me on my parenting. This is exactly the sort of thing I need to read often to gently remind me of the Mum I want to be, the mum I have been in better times. This post takes a weight off me as it reminds me to let it be ok.

    Thanks for so many good reflections Kate.

    Reply
  2. h. says

    Beautifully written and came just at the right time (Feeling sick and husband away) I think our afternoon will pass by much smoother with your words in mind. Thank you

    Reply
  3. Joanne says

    Hi there I’m one of your readers who normally just reads and runs but i wanted to respond today as I loved this post so much because it really relates to where I am at the moment with my nearly 3 year old twins. Finding my inner calm is something I’ve been working on this week helped along by me losing my voice, nothing comes out when I shout!
    I’m not sure I’ve had much impact yet but I feel better trying.
    I look forward to reading your posts each week andd have used a number of your printables. Your blog is fab, thank you for taking the time to write.

    Reply
    • katepickle says

      Oh I remember the days when my twins were three and I had many moments when I thought I couldn’t possibly survive it…. those can be difficult days, but I promise you, it does get better eventually.

      Reply
  4. Kate Lloyd says

    Another interesting and relatable post Kate. You totally knocked it on the head with what my recent struggles have been “I can’t be everything, to everyone, all the time”. :)

    Reply
  5. Sarah P says

    This was exactly what I needed today. Thank you.

    Reply
  6. Emily says

    Wish I’d read this before our recent “holiday”. Wouldn’t have changed my kids experience but would have definitely changed mine!! Thanks Kate.

    Reply
    • katepickle says

      Oh holidays can be tough on parenting… it is one of those things that either go really well for us kid wise, or are a total disaster! Hopefully next time is perfect for you!

      Reply
  7. Teresa says

    I have a 5 year old who still has regular tantrums but I’ve realised it’s just the way she is as she gets frustrated when things don’t go her way. I’ve decided to let it go explain why I’ve made a decision, comfort her quickly and then move on. Sometimes she cries for a while but she seems to be adapting to this method and the tantrums don’t last as long as they used to. We often forget it’s hard being a young person and accepting we can’t control everything.

    Reply
  8. Jeanine says

    Thank you for the beautifully written blog. Now I can focus on being not the best Mom and not the worst. But a Mom who can step into my 3 year old sons shoes and realize that life isn’t always fair at the age and truly get it.

    Reply
  9. Bek @ Just For Daisy says

    Beautiful and timely. Thanks! :)

    Reply
  10. Orangeandi says

    Hi there moms, it is very late here in Hungary, i m laying down in the bed next to one of my 9 year old twin boy, who happened to have a fever. His brother is a “my way or the highway” person. I can loose my patience with him pretty easily although i consider myself a patient person. So far i did not realized what he needed. Shame on me, took me 9 years, but hopefully i found the way to him and realized that he only wanted my undivided love an attention. It is probably hard on kids with siblings to share a parent, but sometimes we have to pay more attention to one and another time to the other. Thank u for sharing ur stories ladies.

    Reply
  11. Michelle says

    This struck a chord:
    “today I am not trying to fix things. I don’t feel the burden of having to find a way to make everything ok, all the time.”

    Thank you for articulating why my heart has been heavy – and I’ve passed the 3 1/2 yr tantrum stage (up to the 9 1/2 yr tantrums – less frequent, but still there!)

    Reply
    • katepickle says

      Oh I know that stage… I have ten year old twins who give their three year old brother a run for his money in the tantrum stakes… the 6 year old is pretty good at them too! LOL I confess even I chuck a tanty sometimes so I guess they never truly leave us! LOL

      Reply
  12. Lotte says

    Yes, sometimes – if we let it – things can be so simple. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts!

    Reply
  13. Nisrine says

    Thank you for sharing. I needed to read this post :-)

    Reply
  14. jenny b says

    and its a lesson Life’s not fair!!! who ever teaches us it should be

    Reply
  15. Deb @ Bright and Precious says

    I loved reading this, Kate. So encouraging. I think I found the zen in the late afternoon tantrum too recently. Who knew?!

    Reply

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