Let It Go!

Let it go...

There are three squashed grapes under the dining table.
I am choosing to ignore them.

The first few weeks back at school have been fast and furious. Settling into the new routine of school and kinder (preschool), early mornings, and giving up the long lazy days where you felt you had time for everything. These days I am lucky to have time for half the things on my list, and by 5pm everyone is difficult, and whiny and cranky.

I know that the worst thing I can do when the kids loose it is to join in and loose it too.
I know that they need to see me deal with meltdowns in a calm and quiet manner so they can learn how to do that themselves.
I know that I need to ‘set the tone’ for my family.

I also know that often we are like a set of precariously balanced dominoes – when one goes down the rest of us quickly follow.

So often lately I have failed at the whole ‘setting the tone’ gig.
So often I have lost my ever loving little mind right there along with the kids.
So often I have regretted it and promised myself I would do better.

And I am trying, again, to be ‘queen of my home.
I am consciously telling myself to ‘watch my tone‘.

Sometimes I manage it.
And sometimes, at the end of those long, fractious, cranky, squashed grape kind of days, I don’t.

But I’m going for majority rules here.

I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect. I will loose it sometimes, and sometimes I won’t. My hope is that if the majority of moments in the day are filled with happiness, fun, and love, then that’s what is important.

It is also important for my kids to see me make mistakes. To see me have a tantrum, and then pick myself up and get on with things.

And there lies the light bulb moment that’s has recently occurred for me.

I don’t need to stay mad at my kids.

I can get angry, it’s ok to be angry.
Sometimes I am even quite justified in my anger. I can deal with my anger well, or not so well. I can rant and rave and set limits and explain consequences…

But when it’s done, it’s done.

I don’t need to stay furious with my girl for hacking at her hair (again!). She knows how angry I was, how disappointed I was. She well knows the consequences of her actions (now please let her remember the next time she gets the urge for a fringe). We’ve talked it through, now it’s done.

Let it go.

Don’t let the anger over that one thing colour the rest of my interactions with her. That’s not fair and it’s not the message I want to send to my kids.

It seems so obvious now.

Why did it take me so long to figure it out, to see what I was doing?

And yet there it is… along with the squashed grapes under my table.
I am learning to let it go.

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6 Comments

  1. *sigh* I get it. I really do.
    Somedays it is Meltdown Central over here at the Circus, where 3 trains all arrive at the station juuuuuust at the same time. Or are running like peak-hour trains – only 15 minutes until the next one!
    But then there are the good days. Great days, even! The ones where I don’t end up throwing the biggest tantrum of all the Clowns. When we actually enjoy the inbetween school and dinner time. These are becoming more frequent as Term 1 rolls on..
    I’m sure that by Term 2 the great days will out-weigh the crazy ones!
    xx

  2. I’ve learnt a little trick over the years (practising on other people’s kids as a nanny is a great way to start) – you can’t yell while you are singing.

    With my kids I’ve ended up with a little ‘ditty’ being my saviour in many potential grumpy situations – the kids have learnt if I sing this song I’m almost at the end of my tether, and really, me singing totally changes the topic of whinge to ‘Mum please stop singing!’.
    It goes like this – “Their driving me crazy, right round the bend, their driving me crazy, all over again . . . ” If they keep going – I add in verses of WHY they are driving me crazy and what they could be doing instead – it usually all ends in giggles as they chase me to get me to stop ;) – Sometimes you can only make me stop if you tickle me!
    Otherwise there is alot of deep breathing on my behalf and a ‘on your bed to have a think gorgeous!’.
    Oh we’ll miss the noise when they are gone – hubby (who works away) will ring to listen to the afternoon choas and when he is home, sits and listens to it with a silly smile on his face Lol!

  3. You have a good attitude :) It can be hard sometimes I know!

    I am so jealous of your garden! Spring is on the way here. I love winter, but seeing your pictures makes me eager to start on our garden. We may actually be moving to another house, so I hope we have a good spot to have one!