The Catastrophe Scale – Building Resilience in Kids (and Adults!)

I flew to Sydney last week for the Digital Parents conference and found myself in an unfamiliar situation, catching public transport to and from the venue.

I don’t know Sydney at all but I got from the airport to Central Station just fine, and I managed to find what I hoped was the right northern line train. I checked time tables and signs and my phone and double checked them all again, but as I sat down and the train pulled out I was feeling shaky…

What if this is the wrong train?
What if it takes me in the opposite direction?
What if I get totally lost?
What if I never find the venue and spend all day lost in the suburbs of Sydney?
What if I miss my flight home?
What if….

And then I stopped and thought….

“Is it really that bad?”

And I smiled. I smiled not because I was feeling more confident (which I wasn’t), I smiled because that is the exact same thing I say to my anxious child when she frets over something….

“What’s the very worst thing that could happen and is it really that bad?”

My kids use this strategy at school, they call it ‘The Catastrophe Scale’ and it’s part of the You Can Do It curriculum our school uses.

When you are feeling anxious about something think about how bad it actually is and rate it on the catastrophe scale.

Is it a total disaster, catastrophic, the end of the world?
Is it really bad?
Is it average bad?
Is it a little bit bad?

It’s a handy little tool for building confidence and resilience in kids, and in adults too.

I like that it doesn’t ignore our fears or worries, it just helps us keep them in perspective and look for ways we can deal with them. Being resilient isn’t about not feeling these emotions, it is about being aware of them, how they can affect you, and learning skills to cope and be confident even in the face of adversity. Being resilient is learning that often it is the way we think about negative events that controls how big a deal they actually are.

If I think about what the worst thing that could possibly happen – I get hopelessly lost and I miss my flight home – is it really as bad as
I think? How would I cope if that did happen? What would I do to manage that situation? Is it really the end of the world?

And of course it also helps me realise that the worst thing isn’t likely to happen, and actually I am just as likely to get to the conference without issues and get home in one piece… which is exactly what did happened.

And so I smiled as I took a bit of my own medicine and used the advice I give to my kids… because all of us could use a little help building our confidence and resilience at times!

How do you help your kids, and yourself, develop resilience??

{image by trekkyandy via flickr creative commons}