It’s a heavy weight to shoulder sometimes, being the keeper of all kid knowledge.
I am the one who knows everything there is to know about our kids.
I know who is allergic to what.
I know how much each of them weighs.
I know who likes sausages and who doesn’t.
I know who has had what medication when.
I know when they were born, and their complete medical history there after.
I know who goes where on what days and what they need to take with them.
I know who likes their feet rubbed and who likes their hand held as they fall asleep.
I know it all.
Their father knows a lot of this stuff too, but not all of it, and he can’t recall it in an instant if needed.
It is just the way it is.
He goes to work for long shifts, and at times we don’t see him awake for a number of days. He hasn’t been there with them every day since they were born. He does his job, I do mine. It is my job to be the keeper of all kid knowledge.
Mostly I am ok with it, but in those shady moments when horrific ideas fill my mind and worry clouds my thoughts, then it is not so fun. In the moments when having the knowledge also means making the decisions, then it is hard to know it all.
I waiver. I worry.
I listen to her struggling to breathe and I dredge up all the knowledge from the last time we were in the grip of asthma, and the time before that. It is up to me to decide what is best. I call him at work and hope that he will make the decision for me, but I already know that he can’t. He talks it through with me, he humors me, but in the end he defers to the keeper of all kid knowledge. “You are there with her…” He says “You know how she is… it’s your call.”
Right now I hate being the keeper of all kid knowledge.
It is too much.
It wasn’t something I bargained for when I flippantly said “lets have a baby!”. Why doesn’t anyone tell you about the burden of that knowledge?
And yet it isn’t something I would trade for the world. If it weren’t for the weight of all this knowledge I would surely float away, being so light and insignificant… this is my job, it’s what I am meant to do.