It’s a heavy weight to shoulder sometimes, being the keeper of all kid knowledge.
I am the one who knows everything there is to know about our kids.
I know who is allergic to what.
I know how much each of them weighs.
I know who likes sausages and who doesn’t.
I know who has had what medication when.
I know when they were born, and their complete medical history there after.
I know who goes where on what days and what they need to take with them.
I know who likes their feet rubbed and who likes their hand held as they fall asleep.
I know it all.
Their father knows a lot of this stuff too, but not all of it, and he can’t recall it in an instant if needed.
It is just the way it is.
He goes to work for long shifts, and at times we don’t see him awake for a number of days. He hasn’t been there with them every day since they were born. He does his job, I do mine. It is my job to be the keeper of all kid knowledge.
Mostly I am ok with it, but in those shady moments when horrific ideas fill my mind and worry clouds my thoughts, then it is not so fun. In the moments when having the knowledge also means making the decisions, then it is hard to know it all.
I waiver. I worry.
I listen to her struggling to breathe and I dredge up all the knowledge from the last time we were in the grip of asthma, and the time before that. It is up to me to decide what is best. I call him at work and hope that he will make the decision for me, but I already know that he can’t. He talks it through with me, he humors me, but in the end he defers to the keeper of all kid knowledge. “You are there with her…” He says “You know how she is… it’s your call.”
Right now I hate being the keeper of all kid knowledge.
It is too much.
It wasn’t something I bargained for when I flippantly said “lets have a baby!”. Why doesn’t anyone tell you about the burden of that knowledge?
And yet it isn’t something I would trade for the world. If it weren’t for the weight of all this knowledge I would surely float away, being so light and insignificant… this is my job, it’s what I am meant to do.
I really relate to this post. I have tried protesting how much responsibility I have, but my husband just doesn’t seem to hear me. I fear it’s a mother’s lot. It helps to know that others are going through the same thing. Thank you for sharing!
I remember when I was preparing for O to be born, all the crap I wrote down on a bit of paper just for A to be getting off to school. Was a bit humbling! Lucky for me there was nothing medical to be considered for her. I think for the most part, the kid knowledge could be rebuilt but the medical history is a different beast. And it’s not something easily jotted down, when to make the call to leave …
Off on tangent – nurse-on-call has been my saving grace on a few occasions … making me realise a weird rash was from a sunscreen, how to deal with O’s first really bad blood nose, and the smashed at the park face etc. I bring it up because I have never not felt better after calling them. I know it’s probably a different scenario with a chronic issue you already have the knowledge with, but for other random “oh crap im in charge what the hell do i do???” moments, they are gold.
Sadly Nurse on Call always errs on the side of caution and tells me to get medical help for all asthma related calls… which is the right advice, but not always helpful. For other things, like when Morgan ate half a tube of eczema cream, then they are gold!
I keep wondering if I should attempt to write down a medical history for each of my lot… but it seems like way too huge a job! LOL
I have a theory that the male brain is simply incapable of absorbing all this stuff. My husband even forgets our girls’ birthdays. Mind you, he regularly forgets his own. On the other hand he seems to magically know where every speed camera is positioned on NSW roads.
I so had to respond to this! I am also the keeper of all knowledge. My husband works two jobs, and has more than a touch of ADD. I like to think if he was home more he would know more, but I know that is not true. In our scary moments, when we are having a severe allergic reaction, or asthma moment, or something unexplained, I panic! I think, if anything ever happens to me…… what will come of my son? Who will know what he can eat? What to do when he can’t stop coughing? What to do when he gets that unexplained rash? The right way to give him his meds? Where to find his meds! I thank God that my sister lives close, because I know she’s the one who would have to step in and take over as the “keeper of all kid knowledge”. But that doesn’t make me any less scared. I am with you.
Thank you for this! It really resonated with me. It gave something I both love and fear both a title and a community to be part of. Just shared it with my facebook friends :)
This is so true! As a work-at-home mom of a special needs child, I am the keeper of all things: housewife, mom, nurse, case manager, playmate, tutor, therapist, cook, house cleaner, dog walker… did I leave anything out!?
I used to resent it, why did I get stuck with all those jobs! But over time, I got over it. My hubby is the rock, the anchor. I am the butterfly, the humming bird. If he had to stay at home and be ‘the keeper’ he’d be miserable! If I had to get up at 5 a.m. each work day and commute 45 minutes to and from work, I’d be more than miserable!
Now that we’ve been married for ten years we find humor in our lives together, in his forgetfulness and my knowingness… Maybe being together for so long helps, and accepting what we are good at, and what we are not!
Great post, Kate! You are an awesome writer of mom-lit!
This is a great post. I’m very lucky to be in the unusual position of not being the only keeper of the knowledge. And for that I am incredibly grateful. I’m featuring this post on this weeks Sunday parenting party. Thanks for linking.
“… this is my job, it’s what I am meant to do.” That’s it exactly. It’s a weight, but it’s beautiful and it matters. This was such a wonderful post Kate. I’m featuring it tonight on my blog for my Sunday Parenting Party post. Pinned as well.
I agree with you. It is hard keeping all of the information. For me it’s the simple things like how long to hear up a bottle or how many ice cubes of food for the baby and how long to heat that up. It’s frustrating because I always have to remember everything, when they eat, what they eat and everything else that comes with kids. It’s also hard for me to leave because I always have to leave instructions but my husband has a very demanding job, so there really isn’t a time where he needs to know everything.