“He’s two right?”
“Yes” I reply… “he was two in June.”
“Oh is he toilet trained yet?”
“No, I don’t think he’s ready yet.”
I had hoped the conversation would end there. After all, toilet training is the ‘do they sleep through the night’ of toddler-hood and since my toddler was obviously lacking in that area I assumed this conversation with the ‘nice-mum-of-a-similar-aged-child’ in the park would end right there, but it didn’t…
“Oh you need to do a sticker chart! Make a reward chart and every time he wees on the potty he gets a sticker, and then when he’s wee-ed ten times he gets a lolly! That’ll have him toilet trained in no time!”.
“Oh he’s not all that fond of lollies…” I muttered as the toddler in question pipped in with “Yolly? I have a yolly?”
“Oh then just use something else. He’s just manipulating you. He just needs a good shove to pee on the potty and you just have to find the right thing to motivate him. What about trains? Mine loves trains…”
I wonder if she saw the look on my face as I frantically tried to work out how to be polite, but not agree. I ended up lying…
“oh look the swings are free, lets hurry over because I know you really wanted a swing today…” and suddenly we had to rush off to the other end of the park…
You see the thing is, reward charts have never graced the walls of our home.
Not during the years and tears of helping the girls use the toilet, not when Izzy decided biting her sister was the best way to vent her frustrations, not when the big boy transitioned to his own bed and learned to go to sleep on his own, and not now that the toddler is magically two but still uninterested in the toilet.
Reward charts are not for us.
Why not? Well… lets see, what would I have said to that Mum in the park if it had been appropriate…
We choose not to motivate our kids using external and unrelated reward systems like sticker charts for a few reasons.
Reward charts tend to look at one tiny facet of behavior, and not look at the child or the situation as a whole. They assume that the child simply chooses to behave in one particular way and is able to change their behavior at the drop of a hat simply because they will get a reward. But behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuum.
Almost always a child’s behavior is more than just what you see on the outside. It is more than just not wanting to go to the toilet, or not wanting to go to bed, and it is almost always not something they can simply turn on and off at will. Looking at the picture as a whole, thinking about why my child is behaving in this way, always works better for us than unrelated bribes or rewards. What is my child’s behavior trying to tell me? What need is not being met? What things can I change to guide them to more appropriate behavior? How can I support my child through this challenge?
When it comes to toilet training and reward charts the assumption is that the child is actually able to feel when they need to go to the toilet and control it, that it is a simple choice… that the child merely needs a ‘shove’ to ‘get over’ whatever is bothering them about using the toilet and they’ll be fine. I know from experience that is not always the case.
Had I used a reward chart for my girls when they were toilet training I would have been setting them up to fail. They simply were not physically ready for a long time, and dangling stickers or lollies in front of them wouldn’t have changed that fact. A reward chart would have become a punishment for something they had no control over and set us up for more anxiety and upset that we were already dealing with. Even with a normally developing child… even as an adult… can you pee or poop on demand?
I also don’t like to use reward charts because I feel it teaches my kids that the only things worth doing are those that get them some kind of reward.
I would rather my children learn how good it feels to accomplish something they have worked hard at, rather than how good it feels to get a sticker. I would rather my children learn how good it makes them feel when they do something for someone else, when they are kind, when they are helpful, rather than how good it feels to get a lolly. I would rather my children experience internal reward and pride, rather than rewards controlled by someone else.
Plus I am a lazy parent. I really don’t want to set my kids to up to always ask for a sticker or a lolly every time they do something good, that’s too hard for me.
I want to build my kid’s understanding and skills and intrinsic motivation so that in the long run they know what is right and wrong, and hopefully, behave accordingly. I want them to be able to listen to their bodies and know when they need to go to bed, or pee, or eat, rather than waiting for a reward to be dangled in front of their faces. Until then I will help them, remind them, support them, encourage them, show them, model for them, talk to them, and love them.
And lets not get me started on using food as rewards… because in my opinion food should never be a bribe or reward.
I am not saying that reward charts are evil incarnate. I think there may be some children and certain behavioral issues where a reward chart works wonders… but for our kids and when it comes to things like toilet training a two year old… reward charts are not for us.
So there you have it… that is what I would have said to that well meaning mum in the park… Except that it just isn’t appropriate to lecture someone you don’t know, just because their parenting ideas differ to yours…
That’s what a blog is for ;)
What about you? Do you reward charts work for you and your kids?
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{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
We haven’t used them yet – I’m still undecided, I agree with the points you’ve raised, but on the other hand I had one when I was a kid and remember feeling really proud of all my smiley faces. I must say that what struck me most about this post was your gracious way of dealing with the lady in the park!
I can certainly see your points. I did use a reward chart for Miss now 7 when she was toilet training, but she was also ready. It didn’t last long, about three days and she had it down pat – yes because she was ready, not necessarily because of the chart.
I think do what works and what you are comfortable with. :)
I totally agree… doing what works for you and your kids is the best parenting advice I’ve ever been given :)
I couldn’t agree with you more I have three older children almost all grown up now and I never used reward systems as the one time I followed advice of another parent similar situation actually created more drama with middle child because he’d worked out being extremely clever that I’ll do everything wrong in attempt to then do “good” for a reward lol
We have used them in the past and honestly, they changed our family! I blogged about it here: http://www.louisaclaire.com/louisa-2/parenting-101-rewards/
I think a big reason it worked for us at that time was that because it helped give us something positive to focus on at a time when Bliss’ beahviour was impacting all of us – including her. There’s a lot more to it than that but in short, we haven’t really used it again since then but it was really really helpful. I don’t think that a reward chart has to stop internal motivation either, of course it can if it becomes about the reward all the time but if it’s about positive reinforcement of a behaviour then I think it can be really useful… Just my thoughts.
Also, I think you were very patient with the mum in the park. Do you think she thought you were a first timer?
I do think there are times when charts etc can be helpful… I’m totally a never say never person! LOL
I really think the mum in the park was just making conversation, sharing a common challenge. If she had said those same things when my twins were toddlers I probably would have bitten her head off… but I am older and wiser (I hope) now and somewhat less self involved.. and she didn’t know she had hit on a topic we’d disagree on!
Never used a reward chart either – they get there in the end. Both my kids were 3 before they were fully trained much to some people’s amazement (disgust). Now at 8 and 14 they are pretty good kids despite never having been taught how to by a reward chart :). That isn’t to say I don’t offer my kids rewards for a good school report or other things but it is usually after the fact
Kate, I love you. For two reasons (today) – one, my 2.5 year old boy is so totally uninterested in potty training and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest (he’ll be ready when he’s ready), but it does seem to bother strangers in the park. Two, I feel the same about reward charts. Yay ;-)
I have a couple of times when the kids were smaller, but I don’t think ever for toilet training. The kids bore of them easy anyway… although sometimes you get one who just LOVES pretty stickers next to their name like one of my girls did.
Imagine if I was in your place at the park and she discovered one of mine didn’t toilet train until nearly five!
Why do people expect so much off little kids?
My girls were not day trained till they were four and not night trained till they were nearly six… they physically hadn’t matured enough to master it, and it wouldn’t have mattered how many lollies they were given :)
I’ve never used one, I can see how they might be useful for older children, eg jobs charts/pocket money, but definitely not for toilet training, like you all of my kids would have been set up to fail. We are dealing with 7 yr olds and a sense of entitlement at the moment, a rewards chart would just add to that.
What is it with that sense of entitlement!?!? We have it bad here too!
And we use a chart to help my princess Vague remember what day she has to take what to school and to check off all the thing she has to put in her bag etc. No reward for getting it right, just the intrinsic motivation of knowing that if she forgets her lunch she goes hungry! LOL
We did a chart once when our then 3 year old was really interested in it. Did it change her behavior? Nope. She got bored if it after 3-4 days an it hung untouched on the door for a month.
I think not is odd that people feel a need to reward basic human behaviors. Going pee is a normal behavior, It it not a special event or something the person worked really hard on. It is peeing. Lets not reward normal.
Oh yes! You totally said it way better than I did!
It’s peeing… it’s not tap dancing!
I don`t really think they work either but I did use one with my Noah for toilet training however he just got a sticker on the chart…no prize if he got 10 stickers, no prize if he had no accidents etc he just got a sticker on a homemade chart near the toilet if he did pee or poo in the toilet. Poo took ages. He used to ask for a nappy and after 2 days of trying to make him sit on the toilet when I knew he was going to poo and it being a battle for us both I just stopped and when he asked for a nappy I would give him one and then one day he yelled “pee pee” ran to to the toilet and did a poo and he never went back.
We only used the sticker chart for the first 14 days as I only made the chart for 14 days and then we stopped. He didn`t need it and he had very few accidents after that point. He was just ready when we started…..{but he totally was not ready just after age 2}
While i know that learning to use the toilet is a “behavior” I don`t see it in the same way as say telling a child they get a prize/chocolate/sticker for what we conceive to be “good behaviour” like being quiet in the supermarket or if they stay in their own bed etc.
Curious as to how you handled Izzy`s biting as Noah bites Shion now when he wants to vent his frustrations and nothing seems to have worked so far but he seems to be getting less and less. Poor Shion has a lot of bruises though! :-(
Will write up a post on biting soon Lu Lu as my Noah is going through a biting stage right now too…
But biting is usually just another expression of frustration or lack of language… think of it in the same way you would if he hit or kicked his brother.
We have never used a rewards chart here, but i have been given a lot of ‘advice’ from other mothers in parks too!
I’m in two minds about reward charts and I normally change my view within the space of an hour. Tricky is reluctant to use the toilet and honestly, I’m just over puddles of wee everywhere (he floods through nappies because he does hold on for 6+ hours at a time). I’m so bloody close to bribery.
Oh I feel your pain… my girls took nearly 3 years to day train… and another 2.5 to night train and by the end of it I just wanted to cry every time they wet through a nappy….
We even tried bribery at one point (not a chart as much as a ‘do x and you’ll get y) but it didn’t work. It just wasn’t something my girls could control until they physically matured enough.
So I totally feel your pain, and while reward charts are not for us, that doesn’t mean they are not for you!
I have a 3yr old who is fairly disinterested in the toilet, unless we’re out and about! We did do stickers at one stage with CrashGirl, but it wasn’t a chart. We just stuck a sticker on the cistern every time she used the toilet. She was already totally capable of knowing when she needed to go though. I don’t believe in toilet training because too often it’s done for convenience when the child may not be physically ready. Hence the word ‘training’. They’re ready when they’re ready.
We do the stickers on the toilet and potty thing too… mostly to help my kids find some fun in the idea of sitting on the scary toilet or potty. It’s not scary if it’s covered in sparkly flowers! LOL
After baby 2 was born, I ended up back in hospital with complications, then we moved interstate, then Miss 3 got pneumonia. Unsurprisingly her behaviour went south & she started having “accidents” when she wanted attention or didn’t get her own way. The classic was weeing on her baby sisters health & immunisation book as we were leaving for Bub’s vaccinations! (try explaining THAT to your nurse)
I implemented a kind of sticker chart then, to reward (& encourage) good behaviour. Stickers are her crack so when she used manners, went to the toilet, shared etc she was given a sticker to put on a big yellow piece of card.
It helped at a time when we needed to focus on her positive behaviours & try to ignore the attention seeking. We kept it up for a fortnight & then hung her sticker artwork up her room. We still look at it & talk about behaviour in a positive way, but I’ve never felt the need to do a formal “chart” for a specific behaviour or task.
As for rewarding with food I agree BUT am totally taking the big girl to McDonalds after she gets her 4 year old shots this arvo. Hypocrite? Yup! But she’s so excited she’s asked me every hour since she woke up “is it time for needles yet?” so this hypocrite is having a McFlurry for afternoon tea!
I have found that sometimes being a hypocrite is what parenting is all about! :)
I have used a Reward chart for my 5yo son – but it was only so he remembered to do things… Brush Teeth, empty bag, feed fish, etc – just little tasks that i gave him to help around the house… It wasn’t for toilet training – i waited until he was ready for that, and he was nearly 3.5yo before he fully understood what was going on… i did make it a little bit fun for him, and when he was ready to stand and use the toilet, we popped a ping-pong ball in the cistern so he had something to aim at :) we still have them floating in the toilets every now and then :)
Oh good, I need never have to resort to reward charts again. The Munchkin pretty much toilet trained himself at daycare 6 months before we attempted it, and stickers were the norm there. So we had some completely random sticker chart that didn’t mean anything. I tried again when he was 4 and starting swimming. I was scared he’d drown by getting distracted, so he was rewarded for good listening. We made reward cards and everything! Failed after 2 weeks due to lack of interest on both sides. Tried again with pocket money for household tasks at 5ish. Worked for a while – he even saved up for a substantial toy, but I hated his expectations of rewards for Every. Little. Thing. So now I’m off the hook. Thank you :)
Glad to have helped! LOL
I’d be very surprised if a reward chart worked for any 2 year old for any behavior-way too young. In my experience they don’t work that well till child 4+.. The reward chart seems to work really well for my first born-just seems to be wired this way. Loves external recognition of good behavior-doesnt even have to be anything good-happy to just get a tick! my second is complete opposite-no interest at all in reward charts but thrives on praise and attention. Whatever works I say…
Yeh that sure is what a blog is for, I can relate to that!
Great post, very thorough! I completely agree with that reasoning. Have you read the idle parent by Tom hodgkinson?
No but I am off to google that book right now :) Thanks!
My eldest was not interested in toilet training until the day we started renovating the bathroom… we had a portaloo sitting in the back yard. Typical! Then she wanted to 70 billion times a day because it was fun to go out to the hut. I was 5 months pregnant at the time, and wasn’t planning on toilet training her until I was over the worst of a new baby. The joy of trying to fit the 2 of us into the portaloo is something I won’t forget in a hurry (nor the inconvenience of going out there 10 times a night while pregnant!).Fortunately she got it pretty quickly.
I don’t do charts, and stickers etc for anything – mainly because it is too much hassle, but also I don’t believe they are ultimately a useful tool for me and my kids.
With you all the way Kate! Alfie Kohn’s ‘punished by rewards’ says it all…. Besides, nappy weaning is a summer sport!
I couldn’t agree with you more!
And good old Alfie made big changes in the way I teach and made me a better parent… l
Loved your post Kate and agreed with everything except the bit where you describe yourself as a lazy parent! I find that hard to imagine ;) Gotta love advice from well-meaning strangers – at least you can walk to the other end of the playground… now advice from well-meaning mother-in-laws, how to deal with that quite as gracefully?
At the end of the day it’s about knowing your child, getting their cue and being prepared to stay at home for a good while in the early days. you have to give them a chance to feel secure in the fact they can do it before adding the next step of using toilets away from home. I work in a nursery and understand that it’s maybe difficult for some to do this but too often see parents bring a child in wearing pants on monday morning announcing that they are toilet training. A disaster and upsetting time if its a parent decision not a child’s.
We offer advice but……! As for sticker charts, it all depends on how they are implemented and maintained, children can misunderstand the message and parents can turn it into a negative thing. My own kids never needed them I talked to them!!
Thanks for this post Kate. I needed to read that someone else is currently mother to a 2 year old (2.5 in my case) who is just not showing signs of being ready for the transition to a potty in the immediate future. We are planning a gentle approach, with loads of nappy-free time in the backyard this summer. We also won’t use stickers or rewards in our house. My main reason (also one of yours) is that I believe children need to do things for their own internal reasons, rather than for external rewards. I’m prepared to take the long, slow route to potty use, even if it means I still have another 6-12 months of washing nappies ahead of me :)
Hello, I’m with you on the toilet training, it’s a physical thing and all kids are different. We do use token charts and stickers and so on here. But I do also believe in looking at the whole context in terms of behaviour. It’s communication in its own way. Hah, in the holidays and in deep desperation and exhaustion after solo parenting for 4 weeks I begged Mr6 to let me sleep in until 7am, to look after himself. He did and was taken straight to the shops to buy a lolly, both of us in our pyjamas. Was appalled at myself, but so relieved to sleep until 7. Deeply imperfect mothering going on here at Smith Towers!
LOL! I remember having this conversation with Isaiah’s Occupational therapist. We were trying to get him to do sensory things. Finger painting, putting his hands in a box of beans, not taking all his clothes off to use the potty! She said, let’s do a chart, everytime he does one of these things he’ll get a gold coin sticker. I said “I don’t think that’s going to work, he doesn’t really care about that stuff” well she was the professional and assured me that it would work. When they came out of that session, she had a rather pruney face on. Isaiah was laughing. I said “So how was your session, he said fun, but she tried to give me stickers, I said, no thanks.” She said, we’re going to have to find something more to motivate him, he wouldn’t do anything, how about candy? I told her that it just wasn’t going to work, and it wasn’t something we did at home. She felt we should think about. I changed therapists :-)
Yay! Thank you for articulating what has been sloshing around in my brain for a while now. It’s funny because my boy is pretty much the same age. He can talk about toilets until the cows come home, but use one? Nope.
However, I have preschool looming on the horizon ie, next jan (it’s a long story but we decided to put him in one from three because we thought it would be better than moving him from daycare to preschool to school all in the space of three years, but now I’m not so sure. In the meantime, I have my fingers crossed that he might decide the time is right before then and I have to keep reminding myself it’s not a big deal. Thanks again for sharing x
I completely agree with your reasoning Kate. My husband was keen to try a sticker chart a while ago and I agreed to it as long as it was more of a check list than a reward system. Miss 3 put stickers on the check list herself once she had completed daily tasks like brushing her teeth and folding face washers. She kept it up for about a week. I didn’t really find it to be necessary though as she is pretty self motivated to be helpful at this stage. We’ll see how we go in the future and I might change my mind :)
I’ve used reward charts in the past for my now 4 and 8 year old girls. They worked at the time and a great motivator but it didn’t “fix” the behaviour like stop sucking your thumb or not saying shut up. A few months down the track they were back to their old habits and asking if I would do another reward chart for them!! I don’t use them now.
I don’t like the idea of reward charts for all the reasons you mention (especially the hassle!) but parenting can be hard and if they make parents’ lives a bit easier (even in the short term) I understand. I do think though in the case of ‘toilet training’ they are more about giving the parent a sense (usually false) of control over the process than about the actual outcome. Most kids want to be independent in going to the toilet when they are physically able to and just need a bit of encouragement (in my experience). The whole big deal about ‘toilet training’ and the parental angst and complicated strategies etc (in my opinion) stems from the days of old-style cloth nappies and no washine machines/dryers when mothers really needed to get kids out of nappies as early as possible. But these days, for most kids, it shouldn’t really be much of an issue at all.
Kate I feel exactly the same! I have used them in the classroom with students and I have learnt that for most children they are ineffective because they just don’t address the developmental skill level of the child. Sometimes all a kid needs is more time! I do not want to use them with my children and I will explore other options before I’ll ever use reward charts. Besides that there’s the whole training of animals issue that this method is derived from! Great post! I am sharing this on my FB page and pinning. Thanks.
Love it Kate, reward charts are not something that have worked for us but I know for others they have worked wonders. Like many things parenting…..whatever works for you x
I totally agree with you on rewards and trying to foster intrinsic motivation with the absence of punishment or reward- What your post raises for me is the interesting question of… how do you respond when parenting in public in a way that leaves you feeling neither (a) trampled on or (b) like you’ve been aggressive/lecturing? Sigh.
I am not a fan of reward charts either, but last year I caved and did one for cooperative behaviour as we were going through a particularly non cooperative time. I don’t really think it worked. If anything it was a reminder to me to thank Miss A when she was cooperative, and to actually notice. I don’t think I will use them again.
I have used reward charts, more with child 1 than 2, even less with child 3 and not at all with number 4. I think it helped but only as a supplement to other methods, as for toilet training at 2, I say mums should stress less. Later I went the other way when my kids were around 7 – 13 years I made a consequences chart, forget about rewards for good behaviour, I tried a consequence one for bad. like a clock made up with a list of jobs to do around the house with a spinner in the middle to spin when the said rules were broken. I had a very clean house on the first day, worked a charm, it got the kids thinking about how to behave thoughtfully. Having said that it lasted for the weeks we needed it and then tossed it aside because the lessons were over and we moved on naturally. I think it is good to use creative ideas, but drop it if it stresses the kids and give other mothers a break, every child is different.
The one thing I totally agree with is that what works for one family might not work for another. I am a supporter of reward charts for kids. They are probably most effective after the potty training age.
I have ditched rewards in my class, you can read about my journey here. http://mattbgomez.com/reward-free-year/ I don’t think rewards are necessary, they work and are often easier but not necessary.
I’m with you, reward charts are not for us. I won’t say never because who knows what may come up where actually a random sticker may be appropriate and effective but at the moment I can’t think of any anything.
Stickers to pee could have the perverse effect of getting a child to pee too often rather than control their bladder.
I’m featuring your post on this weeks Sunday Parenting Party and pinning to our board, Thanks for sharing
I totally see your points…but as a behavior specialist. There are instances when behavior charts can be VERY helpful if used with a few things in mind…The chart should be highlighted/or prompted before the target behavior is engaged in otherwise. You would be bribing the child that is the difference between reward and bribe. For example, before we go into the store and I say “If you guys are great helpers in the store then we you can have a treat” would promote a reward…But if I was in the store and they started engaging in “inappropriate” behaviors then said “If you guys behave then you can have a treat’ would be a bribe cause they are already engaging in the target behavior. Also, often the mistake is made of not fading the reward during the teaching process. When you are teaching a new skill on acquisition then it is ideal to reinforcer with a highly preferred reward. As the skill is mastered then the reward should change to social praise, etc…Many times if the reward is not faded then you can shape the child’s behavior to depend on rewards instead of being intrinsically motivated.
Great to hear the other side of argument.
I won’t got as far as to say never, but there is definitely a time and a place for sticker charts and success depends on individuals involved. I’m with you on not using them for potty training, largely because kids just don’t have the capacity to understand even simple reward systems much before they are 3 and potty training (when you don’t take the much easier and, I think, kinder approach of waiting until they initiate the process) often occurs before then.
Used with imagination and consideration, I do think that they can be really effective when you are trying to teach pre-schoolers a new and really important skill, like not scratching their eczema or drinking enough. But even then, charts have to be used with the input and co-operation of the kids involved. From the child’s point of view, the stickers should be largely incidental to big hugs and praise that go with getting them. The stickers should act as measure of how much praise they have received and an excuse for even more praise when they get the big prize (or whatever it is) at the end of the day, rather than a prize in themselves. Sticker charts also have to be dynamic so the new behaviour become the new norm. As kids get the hang of the new skill, you need to extend the challenge to get each sticker and then fade the chart out of the picture all together.
Personally, in my hectic life, I find them a great way to remind the adults involved to recognise and praise the kids’ little victories as they happen.
And let’s face it – why do you go to work each day? Would that be to get a pay packet at the end of each month? Isn’t that a reward? Not quite the same I know, but getting through life is often about earning rewards through required behaviours.
What is it with potty training and people casting judgement?? My daughter is 2.5yo, shows very little interest in the potty, and I’m fine with that . But my sister, my parents, my in-laws, everyone seems to think this is something I need to ‘rush’ and pressure her in to. Why???! It doesn’t affect anyone else in any way and I don’t think she’s going to be running around in nappies when she is 18! I’ve had the same ‘advice’ to use reward charts, bribes, etc etc. Once my sister promised my daughter a sweety if she weed in the potty ; of course my daughter couldn’t do it, but she cried, distraught, because she couldn’t have the sweety in front of her. To me that is downright cruel and mean. Great post xx
I read this blog quite a while ago and just let it sit with me. It really was a thought provoking post. In fact, I thought so long and hard about it I ended up writing my own post… http://bit.ly/r3wardchart . I agree with so much of what you say, but I also think there is definitely a place for reward charts. In my opinion layering parental support is the ultimate solution and in our family we only use them in conjunction with other parenting strategies. We all have to do what’s right for our own families.
My daughter was nowhere near ready for potties at the age of two! I let everyone’s comments get to me though, and seeing other two year old kids peeing beautifully on the potty made me think I was doing something wrong, but when she did finally get it, just after she turned three, she was fast as lightning and cracked it within a couple of days.
I’m pregnant again now and I know this time I’ll be so much more patient and wait until he/she is ready, and it’s made me realise that kids really are totally unique and are ready at different times.
Kudos on dealing with pushy park mummy by the way! :D
Good for you! It is tough to hear all the well intentioned advice on potty training and not feel the pressure. But, I just kept telling myself that I was there to help my daughter when she was ready. …and that she would not be wearing a diaper to prom, no matter what I did or didn’t do during potty training.
Congratulations and good luck! :-)
I started searching for “reward” ideas online because my 1st Grader has gotten up, dressed and ready for school two days in a row with little prodding from me along the way. I’ve never been completely comfortable giving outright rewards. Natural rewards (like natural consequences) is more my style. But, I really wanted to celebrate these very successful two days with somehing special.
Well, when typed “reward ideas for kids” in the online search field and I saw all the reward charts pop up, I was really taken aback.
I’ll concede, there may be times when a reward chart is the best answer (although I haven’t run across the need yet) but, it appeared they were being used for everything from potty training to picking up toys to doing homework.
Using a reward system like this seems extremely superficial. Does it really teach my child why she needs to be responsible or kind or honest, for example? To me (and I understand I may be a minority here) using a reward chart is similar to dangling a carrot in front of a horse. His entire focus is on the carrot.
I want our daughter to do and behave and make decisions based on her own sense of self and her desire to be a valuable member of a family and community – not because she can win a prize.
I will be celebrating my daughter’s steps toward a more independent morning routine the same way I’ve celebrated her many other successes – with smiles, hugs and positive affirmations. Maybe we’ve just been really lucky, but it seems to work for us.
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