• About
  • contact
  • Advertise

Picklebums

Activities, recipes, free printables and life with four kids

  • Home
  • Activities for kids
  • family food
  • parenting
  • Printables
  • farm tales
  • shop

Compromise is Not the Same as Giving In

Posted on October 30, 2014 12 Comments

Compromise is not the same as giving in - learning to compromise as a parent,

“Be consistent.”

That advice rang in my ears often in the early years of parenting.

Be consistent.
Make a decision and stick to it.
Do not waiver.
Do not change your mind.
Be firm.
Be strong.

It’s still good advice, but somewhere in the battle to be firm and consistent I somehow made compromise the bad guy.

To discus, to negotiate, to compromise was akin to wavering, to being soft, to giving in.

But the problem with that view is that it sets up my child and I as enemies. It makes it seem as though my child’s needs and desires are directly at odds with my own and can never be reconciled. It makes for a battle… every time.

I don’t want to battle my kids on everything, and I don’t need to. Sometimes I can compromise.

Compromise is not the same giving in.

Compromise is a way to learn respect, understanding and empathy.
Compromise is a way to accommodate the needs of others, while not ignoring our own needs.
Compromise is a way to find similarities between our needs, and negotiate win win situations.

Compromise can be difficult, and sometimes we can’t make it work, but it’s an important skill to teach our children which will have lifelong impacts on all their relationships.

You don’t need to throw out compromise to be consistent and you don’t need to give up on consistent when you compromise.

When we compromise with our children, we teach them to compromise.

Are you good at compromising?

 

Find more of my ponderings on parenting such as ‘It’s Ok to make Different Choices‘ and ‘How Being Not Quite Perfect Makes You a Great Parent‘ here, or follow my pondering parenting board on pinterest.

45 shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

Filed Under: parenting Tagged With: family, parenting

Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:

  1. Bek @Just For Daisy says

    Absolutely agree. It’s hard to lay down demands with little people and not have them challenged. So learning to compromise OR making them think you have by giving them two options you are equally happy with is a top tip! Thanks Kate! :)

    Reply
  2. Laney says

    I’m also a big fan of compromising and think it’s a great skill for kids to learn while young, especially if we want them to be comfortable with the basics of assertive behaviour, which they’re going to needin the school yard and in relationships as they become adults.

    Reply
  3. Seb @ inner compass designs says

    Agree wholeheartedly. This was a big part of my parenting approach- it shows a respect for children as individuals and PEOPLE rather than beings to control and dictate to. Sometimes they were right and I needed to backpedal/course correct and / or apologise if needed. That also shows our kids that we do not have all the answers and can admit when we make mistakes and it is ok to change your mind. All good lessons for growing into flexible and caring people.

    Will be sharing in my newsletter. Thanks xx

    Reply
  4. Jeanine says

    Ditto!!!!
    I have soo finished with the battle field since age 2, forget it! Only taight my daughter to push more. One of my mothers famous, which has saved me time and time again
    “Pick your battles”–ie teeth brushing. Thats a no brainer but everyday for five years its a battle that must be fought. Thats my choice i handle it wisely & she brishes her teeth, 80% of the time. Im good with that. Theres many more but i have my own blog for them! ;) I enjoy your parenting posts muchly. They help me remember im doing my best & wen i cando better

    Reply
  5. stephanie morency says

    Totally agree. I also think it’s important to teach children how to negotiate for their needs and desires (akin to standing up for themselves), especially if it is something they believe strongly in. I do not want either of my daughters to ever just take NO for an answer, and I am fine with hearing out their side of the story to try to find a compromise.

    Reply
  6. Chelsea says

    Totally agree. My husband often reminds me to use wording that is flexible, so that I can compromise without “giving in” to kid demands. We only ask that our children ask us for their preference respectfully, then we are generally willing to change if it’s not a big deal. And they are even allowed to ask multiple times if their voice was too demanding or whiny to begin with ;-)

    Reply
  7. Jen aka Muminthemadhouse says

    Yes, My Mum always taught me to pick my battles and that it was better to win the war and that sometimes we had to admit defeat, Behaviour breeds behaviour and I want to have kind kids, who understand that you can back down without losing face.

    Reply
  8. Lauren Tamm says

    I really appreciate compromising, even with a toddler of all things. There are some things I am not willing to compromise with, and most of it regards safety. There is much I am willing to compromise with though. And for a toddler, this can mean the difference between a power struggle vs. no power struggle. Even at a young age, my son feels validated when offered a simple compromise.

    Lauren

    Reply
  9. kate - The Craft Train says

    Yes! Thanks for this. I’m a compromiser by nature, and have always felt very conflicted about it when it comes to parenting as though I am always giving in. My 6 year old can now negotiate like an expert, lol

    Reply
  10. Janet says

    I have messed this up with my 4 year old as she now thinks everything can be a compromise but we call it making a deal. Messed it up is prob to strong a wording, I should say we are both still working on making compromise work. I prob have more learning to do than she does

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Mama Reads Monday - Compromise, Teens, Hard Spots, and MORE! - B-Inspired Mama says:
    November 3, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    […] Compromise is Not the Same as Giving In – Love this perspective on parenting: “Compromise can be difficult, and sometimes we can’t make it work, but it’s an important skill to teach our children which will have lifelong impacts on all their relationships.” […]

    Reply
  2. Dealing With Sibling Struggles - Picklebums says:
    July 17, 2015 at 11:58 pm

    […] have to learn, and it’s not a bad thing to have siblings to practice on! So teach your kids how to compromise, how to negotiate win win situations and how to manage their big feelings. And teach them […]

    Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Home » Compromise is Not the Same as Giving In
welcome
pinterestfacebooktwitterinstagram

Search around a bit…

Find our printable puppets here Find our easy art activities here find our easy dinner recipes here

Find Activities by Age

  • Baby play
  • Toddler Fun
  • Preschooler Fun
  • School Kids Fun
  • Fun for Everyone

Subscribe to our newsleter

We respectfully acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land on which we work, learn and live, the Wurundjeri Woi Wurrung peoples of the Eastern Kulin Nation, and we pay respect to their Elders past, present and emerging.

Find posts by month

Browse all my crazy categories

Copyright © 2021 • Powered by WordPress
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
  • Home
  • contact
  • advertise
  • Privacy Policy