I keep hearing the lyrics of that Avicii song in my head…
“So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost”
I didn’t know I was lost until I found myself with a moment of silence that I didn’t know what to do with.
I joked about the fact that with all four kids in school for the first time this year, I was going to spend the entire year ‘patting puppies and drinking champagne’, but the truth is, now that I am six months into this gig… there’s an unexpected sadness about getting your life back.
The silence is beautiful, and lonely.
The time is exciting, but suffocating.
The possibilities are endless, and daunting.
It was a bit of a surprise to find out that I’m not sure exactly who I am right now, or who I want to be.
I feel like I’ve been walking down a country road and suddenly come upon someone I hadn’t thought much about in years… me.
It seems so ridiculous and melodramatic and ‘bloody hell just go get a real job then you won’t have time to over think this crap’, and it is all of those things, but it is also how I’m feeling.
So you’ll have to bear with me while I babble on about ‘putting yourself on the list‘, and ‘self-care’, and while I figure out what I want to do ‘when I grow up’ because now that my kids are all growing up, I guess I will have to grow up too.
Have you lost yourself (in a good way) in the relentless days of parenting little children?
How did you find yourself?