“You must set the tone in your home”
That is how the very wise Carrie at Parenting Passageway puts it…. but it’s only recently sunk in that she is talking about something I’ve been skirting around the edges of for a while now….
When my kids are whingey and grumpy and don’t want to pack up.
When things are going to hell in a hand basket.
When the house feels crazy and frazzled and overwhelming.
When things are not going the way I wish them to…. I need to look to myself.
I ‘set the tone’.
If the tone is cranky grumpy narkiness…. it most often comes from me.
It is me who needs to change not my children or my husband or my house.
To bring ourselves out of those dark days is as simple (or as difficult) as finding my own way out of the hole and back to peace.
I know this…
I think I’ve always known it, deep down, somewhere.
I’ve read it before – ‘Be the Queen of your home‘ Carrie wrote and it struck a chord with me but it didn’t really sink in.
I’ve even blogged about it before – ‘Be Wonderful‘ I said last year, but that was reactive and not proactive.
I knew this… I just didn’t KNOW this.
I know I’m slow…. everyone else is probably sitting there shaking their head thinking “der.. took you long enough woman!” But it is a little daunting to think about.
I set the tone?
Really?
Me?
Just me?
If I accept that truth then I take on the responsibility for the tone of my entire family. That is a huge thing. A scary thing. But it’s also quite an empowering thought.
As other have said time and time again you can not change others you can only change yourself… and changing myself is the best thing I can do to change the dynamics in my house. It is the best thing I can do to create the calm, loving, fun, warm, happy home that I dream of. The kind of home that taunts me from my screen as I peruse several of my favourite blogs.
It’s not a perfect home where things never go wrong. It’s is not a home where everyone is happy all of the time. It is not a home where the wheels never fall off. But it is a home that manages the set backs, the frustrations and the disasters, big and small, with grace and love.
I want to live in that home.
So this is my goal for 2011.
I will set the tone.
I will be wonderful.
I will smile and carry on when all around me are falling down and crying ‘not fair’, ‘he hit me’, and ‘I don’t want to’.
2011 will be the year I open my eyes and take full responsibility for the tone of my household.
It’s not going to be easy for me. There are a few hard truths that I will need to face.
I need to tackle our routine and my own personal time management.
I need to find joy and peace in looking after our home.
I need to give myself freely to the joy of being with my children when they need me.
I need to extend ‘my tone’ beyond my children to my husband and to myself.
I will be the queen of my home in 2011
Shae says
This, this, THIS!!
keepcatebusy (Cate) says
I couldn’t agree more – mum setting the tone makes all the difference! But sometimes I do get just a *little* weary of the responsibilty of having to set the mood for everyone in the household – just occasionally I would like to be entitled to a little grump without repercussions :-)
Best of luck with your goal though!!
xxxCate
disydoit says
it is so true and such a daunting task. good luck, i hope you blog about your journey throughout the year.
Sarah says
Oh yes, that thought dawns on me from time to time. I often wonder if my daughter’s whinging (which really drives me bananas) is something she learned from me. It’s an awful thought.
Thanks for the reminder – I want to manage the setbacks with grace and love more often too :)
Pixie says
good thinking.
I know when I am out of sorts.the kids reflect it.
hugs
Fiona@innerpickle says
Awesome. Totally. Perfect. Also: I believe I picked up the expression ‘to hell in a handbasket’ from you. Which I now tend to use a lot. Which I shall now use less as I too am going to be queen of my home. xx
Beet says
I struggle with this. I’ve known about this principle for a long while and some days it’s a whole lot easier to put into practice than others :S
Perhaps I need to put a crown on my mirror to remind myself every morning…
tahlia - the parenting files says
what a fabulous reminder… and it would be interesting reading back on this… maybe this is a new years resolution for us all to carry on into the new year, and future years ahead… it is truly amazing how one tone can drive and lead others… and how emotions travel subconsciously through us all…xxx