A Mantra for Parents of Older Kids.

When my kids were little I clung to the mantra – ‘this too shall pass’.

As I sat between two crying babies wondering if they would ever sleep I replayed the phrase over and over in my head.
This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

It was a wish, a desperate plea and a promise all rolled into one.
This too shall pass. Please let it pass. Surely it will pass.

And it did pass.
My twins are 11 now and they have been going to bed without hours of crying for the past 10 years or so.

During the years of parenting small children, when I’ve felt overwhelmed and stretched to my limits, I’ve always come back to that thought – this too shall pass.

But my kids are all getting older – I have two 11 year olds, a 7 year old, and a 4 year old, and these days my mantra has changed a little, along with my perspective.

These days I am not simply hoping to make it through the next few hours, or days. These days I see my children’s futures looming large in front of us all. These days the worries are bigger, more long term, and sometimes they scare me to death.

How will I deal with this?
Will I make the right decision?
How will that decision affect my child long term?

It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed, to second guess my every move, and sometimes to find myself standing still, like a deer in the headlights, too afraid to move.

So now I have a new mantra to get me through those dark times…

“Most of the things you worry about today,
won’t seem like such a big deal in the future.”

This is my new wish, my new plea, my new promise.

This is the hope that the mother of older kids clings to – that the things that seem so big and scary today, will actually not be nearly so big and scary with the perspective of a little time.

This is the thought that I repeat over and over to keep me moving forward.

“Most of the things you worry about today,
won’t seem like such a big deal in the future.”

Mostly I know it to be true from my own experiences.

The difficulty of managing friends and social situations feels so big and overwhelming at the time, but it usually turns out fine in a month or two.
Settling in at school seemed so impossibly heartbreaking at the time, but now a year or so later it’s all worked out it is pride that bursts my heart open now.

Sometimes I need to cling to the hope that it will be true in the long term.

The huge decisions about how much screen time is ok, and are they doing too many after school activities, and perhaps I should encourage them to play a team sport, or an instrument… these all seem so important now, but I have an inkling that the nuances of what we decide now won’t make much difference to my kids as adults.

And sometimes things don’t pass, and some worries are big and important.

I suspect we will all face our fair share of those as parents.
But I also suspect that if we can let go of the many smaller worries we’ll have more capacity to cope with the big ones, the ones that really do need our time, love, and attention.

And so if you see me sitting in my car after school drop off with tears in my eyes, muttering to myself… it’s ok because I am just reminding myself that…

“Most of the things you worry about today,
won’t seem like such a big deal in the future.”

What are you worrying about right now?

Is it a worry that will seem less big in time, or one that you need to spend some time, love, and effort on right now?

If you are looking for more parenting mantra’s check out this post… and make sure you read the comments as there are some fabulous mantras suggested by my readers. I’d love to read your mantras too, leave a comment and share your thoughts.