Not How I Imagined
It seemed to happen around me, to someone else.
It was not how I imagined having a baby would be. None of it was how I imagined it would be.
I imagined getting a huge round pregnant belly.
I imagined buying lovely maternity clothes.
I imagined being farewelled on my last day of work.
I imagined being so over being pregnant and wishing my babies would be born.
I imagined happily shopping for baby clothes and furniture.
I imagined feeling the pains of labour and the hard work of birthing my babies.
I imagined the rush of love as I gazed into my babies eyes for the first time.
I imagined thinking that my babies were the most gorgeous things in the whole world.
I imagined breastfeeding my babies.
I imagined leaving hospital with my babies.
I never imagined I’d spend the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to keep the babies in.
I never imagined making to my third trimester would be cause for celebration.
I never imagined they would be so small, so skinny, so…. ugly.
I never imagined it would be seven days before I would hold my babies.
I never imagined that the ping of a machine would instil such fear.
I never imagined I would breastfeed a machine.
I never imagined I’d rejoice about being able to express 30mls of milk.
I never imagined I would buy my first piece of baby clothing when my babies were eight weeks old.
I never imagined I would know and use so much hospital jargon.
I never imagined the prayers I would say, the crazy deals with the universe I would make, if only they would breath on their own.
I never imagined how lonely Christmas could be.
I never imagined I’d be so happy to hear my babies cry.
I never imagined I would be so lucky… to have two happy, healthy girls, to beat the odds.
I never imagined I would be so grateful.
Oh Kate.
Oh Kate.
Hugs and tears.
So lovely Kate – your girls really are special – amazing to believe such tiny humans can grow to be such strong, vibrant little girls!
That first pic brings tears to my eyes, such emotion!
wish I could go back in time & give you a big hug!! Much love.
I wholeheartedly agree with every single thing you say here Kate. It is so unfair that we went thru all of that crap, but to have what we have today, we would happily go through it all again. Happy Premmie Day to you and your miracles, from me and mine xox
You know, I’m sitting here having read your post without knowing what to say! I don’t know. It’s a whole other world when you have prems.
Beautifully written Kate. As I said over at Tiff’s I just can’t imagine how emotional it must be to go through having premmie babies. So glad it had a happy ending.
WOW.
We so often don’t get what we expect. And then somehow it becomes beautiful.
Lovely post.
oh hon,
I am so sorry you had to go through that…….but I am glad you came out the other side and got to bring your 2 sweet girls home.
hugs
Beautiful post.
I have tears, but they are happy ones…for the joy the girls bring you now and in the future.
Heartbreaking to imagine
Beautiful post Kate – though I wish you never had to go through this.
Z & I are really special – its incredible how such tiny babies grew to be such bright , beautiful and gorgeous little girls!
You did a great job Kate.
I have a tear in my eye too-look how far your beautiful girls have come. You are one brave, awesome mama xx
What a beautiful post. Your girls are gorgeous… now where are the damn tissues *sniffle*
Reading late but couldn’t not comment what a journey massive hugs and kisses to you all
God that made me sob, when the universe changes the rules its so amazing what becomes important and what vanishes. Im so happy the girls have grown into such lovely little people and Im glad you survived it too