It’s ok to make different choices.
I have a friend.
This friend has three awesome kids.
These three awesome kids are homeschooled.
I have four awesome kids.
My awesome kids are not homeschooled.
My four awesome kids go (or will go, in the case of the little one) to our local primary school.
My kids go to school, her kids do not.
We choose conventional education for our kids, they chose unschooling.
Does it matter?
Does it mean that we can’t be friends?
Does it mean that our kids can’t be friends?
Nope.
This friend happens to be one of the best friends I have. She happens to be one of the few people who would be there for me, no matter what. She happens to be someone who I trust with my children, my messy house, and my love.
Those three kids happen to be some of the closest friends my kids will ever have. Our kids have laughed together, gotten in trouble together, and grown up together.
Even our husbands get along… because they have to.
Yes, we made different choices, and they are kinda big choices in the scheme of our lives right now, but we made them for our own children, for our own families. This is not about agreeing or disagreeing, or being right or wrong, this is simply about doing what we each need to do for our kids right now.
So really, we agree with each other 100%.
We agree that we need to do what is right for us, for our own families.
And I’m betting that most parents would agree with us too.
Most people would agree that you need to do the best for your family, in the situation you are in, with the resources you have, at this time.
So if we agree, then why all the nastiness?
Why are the ‘mummy wars’ splashed all over newspapers and websites?
Why are facebook pages full of mean comments?
Why do people look horrified when my friend says her kids are homeschooled?
Why do complete strangers on the internet tell me that I am scarring my children by sending them to school?
Why does each side have to prove their ideas are better?
Why are there even sides in the first place?
We will never all agree on the all the eleven zillion choices and decisions we have to make as parents, and that’s ok.
We don’t have to agree on everything to be nice to each other.
We don’t have to agree on everything to know that parenting is hard enough without added pressure.
We don’t have to agree on everything to realise that everyone is doing the best they can for their own family.
Let’s be nice.
Let’s ‘assign positive intent‘.
Let’s be ok with making different choices.
You might even find a fabulous friend, who might not do everything the same as you, but who loves you anyway… and that is golden.
Amen to that!
Well said.
LOVE this post!!
Love this and totally agree. There is no need to see things as right and wrong…. we are all different and so are our circumstances. xx
So true!
Completely agree!!
YES!!
Fabulous post, Kate.
Thank you!!
Your last line Kate echoes a conversation I’ve been having with my 10yr old – a friend might not do everything the same as you but will support and celebrate you. That’s what a true friend will look like. Great post!
Totally and absolutely agree!!!
Amen to that, Kate!! Perfectly said.
Yup, me too!
I agree 100% I homeschool my son, but most of my friends have their kids enrolled in public or private school. It would be stupid to allow that to come between our friendship. Neither is right or wrong….it is simply different choices for different families :)
Hey Kate,
Great to meet you and learn about your fabulous blog. I am right there with you on this. Homeschooling or unschooling, I don’t really think either is better or worse. We are all making choices that best serve our children and our family in the long run. I also feel like there is a war out there among parenting methods and styles. My husband and I like to read about different parenting styles and take what we like from each one to help create our own unique method. It’s what works for us, but if other parents choose differently, it could be equally as effective and wonderful. I think almost all of us are trying to make thoughtful and intentional parenting choices. We all want to do our best. Bottom line: different never equates to worse or bad in my book. Have a great day! Really enjoyed this post.
Lauren
I have one in school, one home schooled and one not yet in school. I have been a working mom and am now a stay at home mom. I find there are more things in common than different. No one is “normal” and that is just the way God made us. Each different to fill the space that no one else can fill. You are your child’s perfect mother even if you fail at perfect.
‘ no one is ‘normal’ oh how I love that line!!
I love the new format that makes old new, Katie! Great article. I agree in full! Not only is comparison the killer of creativity in art, it’s the same in parenting — there are just a lot of different ways to “get there!” — none of them are exactly easy or straight forward and supporting one another is the best thing we can do! Not only do you help friends (and strangers) succeed with accomplishing their best, but, it rubs off on us, too! Grate Post Katie!
I’m reminded of that phrase “It’s not better or worse. Just different.”
And “different” is GOOD!
Yes!!