It doesn’t make for a best selling parenting book, and of course no one told you about it before you had kids, but here’s the brutal truth…
As a parent, you will need to do the same thing over and over and over and over and over…
I am not just talking about the daily tasks like cooking dinner, or doing the laundry, picking up those darn Legos that you picked up yesterday, and the day before that, I am talking about interacting with your kids. I’m talking about teaching them, helping them, explaining to them, redirecting them, setting limits…you are going to have to do it, say it, and teach it over and over and over again before it even begins to sink in.
Kids need to do the same thing several times before they have learned all they need to learn. And even then, they will probably revisit it all again sometime in the future before they really understand and take it all in.
Every time they do or hear something, a child’s brain and body are making tiny adjustments and assimilating new information to improve their abilities and understanding, and working on cementing that in place so they can call on the information in the future.
This is as true for toddlers who demand the same book read to them every night, as it is of school aged kids who need to be reminded again and again that if they leave their school shoes in the hallway when they come home they will not be able to find them in the morning!
I understand that my kids need to repeat things over and over. I know that I will need to explain the same limit again and again before my words have any affect, but still… sometimes the repetition makes my head explode.
The more often I have to say or do something, the less patience I have, the more likely I will let my tone change into something less than positive, the more likely I am to loose it entirely and yell.
But that doesn’t help.
What helps is remembering that parenting is all about the repeat button.
Say it again. Do it again.
The kids are not ignoring you. They are not misunderstanding you. They are not out to get you by purposely forgetting. They just need you to repeat, repeat, repeat.
Do you have a repeat button? Does it do your head in sometimes too?
I know exactly what you mean Kate, as I’m sure other parents do too. I was given a phrase for it at work one day, “2000 times in context” is what we say. :)
That is a fabulous saying… it really hits the nail on the head!
I absolutely love this. And it is so so true!!
Miss Daisy lately REALLY wants me to play with her. Whatever she’s doing… “Mummy will you…. with me.” And it starts to grow frustrating. This is so timely because I’ve had to remind myself that moments that seem to drag on forever as I play dollshouse or blocks or colour in the Wiggles book are but fleeting moments in the scheme of things.
Thanks for a lovely post Kate x
Oh lordy yes! Watching the same movie, reading the same book over and over again- does my head in! But the little man loves it so you grin & bear.
I feel lucky that as a teacher, I knew this going into parenting and it was STILL hard and continues to be. One of my favorite scenes of Modern Family is when the dad is caught reading a celebrity magazine to his daughter because, as he says, if he has to read the Hungry Caterpillar one more time he’s just going to die. :)
Having an older sibling to do some of the repeating to the younger sibling is helpful.
I discovered this while trying to teach my daughter “please” and “thank you”. Have told her thousands of times (and always use manners myself) but she’s only just getting it now, at 4 1/2 years old. And she still forgets sometimes.