Why Parents Should Talk Less.

“Talk Less”

It’s a simple suggestion, but it can be a powerful parenting tool.

The number one bonus of talking less is that you also shout less, which is great if you are trying to stop yelling at your kids. And simply being aware of how much you talk and thinking about if it is really necessary will bring all kinds of other benefits too.

Find out why parents should talk less and listen more, and how it will make you a better parent, and download our bonus free printable ‘talk less’ poster to stick on the fridge and remind you of this parenting tool.

Talk Less.
It seems like such a simple thing, can it really be a powerful parenting tool?

I read it on one of my favourite parenting sites, Parenting Passageway, many years ago and I’ve been pondering the idea ever since.

I talk quite a bit.

I spend a good deal of my day talking to (at?) my kids, trying to get them to listen and understand. I try to explain things, in the home that they will follow my instructions, and confirm to my ideas without too much struggle or unhappiness.

Often I feel like I am talking to thin air. And then talking becomes whining, and whining becomes shouting and suddenly I am not the kind of parent I want to be.

Seven Reasons Why Parents Should Talk Less (and Listen More).

Of course we are not suggesting that you should stop talking to your kids all together!

Kids need to hear language modelled to learn and talking to your kids (even when they are too young to talk to you)_ is important for all areas for their development. But, you might be like me, and realise that you do an awful lot of talking, and when you stop and think about it, you could probably say a lot less!

So challenging yourself to ‘talk less’ is a simple concept that can have really great results.

When you talk less you are forced to lean into the physical-ness of parenting.
When you talk less, you do more. You learn to use rhythm and routines, gentle touches and physical actions to guide children through the day. This can work wonders for children who seem like they ‘never listen’ and can be very calming for children who struggle with sensory overload.

When you talk less you shout less.
When you talk less you whine less, and you shout less. If you are working on how to stop yelling at your kids, challenging yourself to talk less is a great way to break that cycle. If you wait before you speak it also gives you an extra moment to take a breath and think about how to respond, and often that is all you need to not yell.

When you talk less you are more aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it.
Being mindful of how much you are speaking also means you are more aware of the things you do say, and the way you say them. The way you speak to your children is the way they learn to speak to people, so being aware of how you say things can be very useful. And choosing your words more carefully can help you make your message clearer, and to use more positive language with your kids so they are more likely to have the impact you’d like.

When you talk less you listen more.
Listening, really listening to your kids will make a huge difference in your parenting. Not only will it help you to know your child better and connect better, it helps you teach respectful communication (you can’t expect your kids to listen to you if you don’t listen to them) and it will help you resolved conflicts as you’ve taken the time to get information and allowed your child to feel heard and respected.

When you talk less you give your child more time to process what you are saying.
Talking less doesn’t have to mean saying nothing at all. It could mean using shorter, more simple sentences, it could mean only saying one or two sentences at a time, or it could mean allowing more time between speaking. All these tactics are really helpful for younger kids, and kids who may take longer to process and understand your words, and then figure out a response. All kids will be better able to take in what you are saying if you say less and give them more time to process.

When you talk less you see more.
When you are consciously trying to talk less you suddenly have time to see more. You can see the expression on your child’s face, can see that the ‘mess’ is actually creative play. Talking less almost gives you the power to see into the future… ok not really, but it does give you a moment of extra time to think and that is almost as good. If your brain is not immediately trying to think of words to spit out of your mouth, it has the space to observe and you’ll be surprised at how much more you will know just from having a moment to look.

When you talk less you allow silence.
Of course talking less means it is less noisy, but have you ever stopped to think about how that might affect you as a parent and your kids? Constant background noise can be very overwhelming and overstimulating for both parents and kids. Sometimes we can all find ourselves just craving a bit of silence. Most kids are not so great at the quiet thing, but by talking less you can at least not contribute to the noise, and you are modelling that silence doesn’t always need to be filled.

How Talking Less Worked for Me.

When I really thought about how much I spoke, I realised a lot of the time I could actually say nothing at all. So I began consciously reminding myself to simply say less and listen more.

I printed the poster I made (see below to print your own copy) and stuck it on the fridge, and every time I walked past I was reminded to talk less.

What I found was that I immediately heard more. I heard the way my kids were talking to each other, and the way they were playing and I learned so much. I learned about how they were getting along as siblings, and where they were at developmentally, and what sort of things they liked doing. All this was such useful information, and also just made me happier!

I also found that I whined less, I yelled less, and I took more time to think about how my choices and behaviours affected my family. And I was often more physically affectionate. Instead of saying something to an upset child I just opened my arms for a hug, which magically was often all they needed!

And probably the most important thing of all, when I talked less I was more mindful about what I was saying and how I said it, and it my kids all seemed to be able to take in my words better. Plus the actual reduction in noise was bliss! When I chose to be quieter, my kids often did too.

Talking less is not a magic trick that will immediately make all parenting easy (I wish) and it’s not something that comes naturally to some of us, or something you would choose to do all the time, but setting yourself a challenge to ‘talk less’ can really help you be more mindful of what you say, to listen better, and to focus on your kids more, and that’s always a good thing.

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