Our girls are about to turn eight, and after 8 years of parenting twins I’ve been asked many an odd question about twins and have learnt a lot about these strange creatures. Here are some answers to some of the common questions we are asked…
Identical twins are conceived when ONE egg is fertilised by ONE sperm and then later splits creating two babies. It is not known why this occurs, but it is not thought to be genetic. So that means it could happen to anyone, with any pregnancy, even you.
Our girls were born 11 weeks early due to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. This is a complication that only affects identical twins who share a placenta. It sucks, but detection and treatment has improved a lot in the past eight years.
It is ok if you don’t know who is who, just ask, they’ll tell you.
You may think you are clever, or funny, or just making conversation, but we’ve heard all those comments eleventyhundred times before so how about next time you simply say “Aren’t you lucky to have such beautiful children.”
However, they are the same sex, the same age, the same size and spend a heck of a lot of time together. It makes sense that they’d like the same things and have the same taste in clothes.
They are (almost) 8 year old girls, what did you expect??
However, they were born (via c-section) almost simultaneously (they had to be because of the TTTS), Izzy is marked as older because she was ‘twin 1’ (the twin closest to the exit) and you must legally record a different time of birth for twins.
I love my girls more than life itself, we are so very lucky to have them and I wouldn’t change who they are for the world… BUT…. not everyone dreams of having twins, some of us were hoping for just one baby, and the news was a complete surprise and somewhat of a shock! And some days having twins in a world that is set u for just one baby at a time is hard , so don’t be surprised if your “Oh I wish I had twins’ gets a less than enthusiastic reaction.
I know there there are a LOT of fabulous ‘Mother’s of Multiples’ who blog, so I’m hoping that they will pop in and leave a comment adding to the things people should know about twins!
Happy Birthday Izzy and Zoe ! Those freaky twins ? oh god, how rude!
Loved reading this one, Kate!
My Mum used to get asked the “are they twins?” questions all. the. time. Except my little sister is a whole 2.5 years younger… Yes, we do look alike, even our parents can’t tell us apart in pictures from our childhood, but not twins! That would be a hard one to explain :) But I remember she just used to nod and smile and move on… :)
Heehee Kate, I could have written a post almost identical to this!
These are some of the things I know about twins as a mother of 18 month old fraternal twin girls.
Fraternal twins happen when TWO seperate eggs are fertilised and carried in the one pregnancy. They may not look alike, just as any siblings don’t always look alike. Yes they are still twins even though they are not identical! (I get told regularly by random strangers that they can’t be twins because they’re not identical, umm yes they can be)
When giving presents to twins please give them two of the same thing rather than two different things. This may or may not apply as they get older I have yet to find out, but for twin toddlers it prevents a lot of tears and fights!
:-)
Or worse… when someone gives them one present to share, and it’s not a sharing kind of present! My girls were given one push along toy for their first birthday…. cause one year olds can so take turns to push the toy right?!?!
I curse our #$^# ONE push along toy every single day at the moment…..Yes, we too recieved ONE for the girls to share….at 20 months it is their favourite and fight like little gremlins over it. It doesn’t matter that we have another similar one either…..
Oh just had to add that the “are they twins?” question drives me mad. I can understand it now that my girls are bigger and look so different. But when they were tiny, the same size and in a twin pram???
That used to drive me nuts when my girls were little too. That and ‘are they real?’… eventually I’d get so sick of it I’d reply
‘no, they are dolls, I’m a freak’ and walk away real fast!
I always had to stop myself from responding to the “are they twins?” With a “no, this one is my baby and seeing as I was taking her for a walk in a twin pram and saw this baby that is the same age and size, I thought I’d pop her in the pram too”
Gorgeous girls!
I was in a cafe yesterday and a mum came in with 18 month old twins. I almost said, ‘Gee, you must have your hands full!’ but I stopped myself and instead told her how gorgeous and happy they looked. Sounds like I did the right thing! ;)
totally!
I will never forget after a particularly comment filled day at a shopping centre an older lady stopped me as we were about to leave. I was waiting for yet another stupid comment when she smiled and said “are you lucky to have such beautiful babies”. It made my day, and I’ll be you made that mum’s day too!
My mum’s twins are now 41. But they are boy/girl twins and frequently my mum was asked if the were identical!?! They were also undiagnosed twins born in 1970 before ultra sound etc. Even the doctor was surprised when another baby arrived. Imagine how surprised my parents were!
I still vividly remember the moment at our first OB visit when he said those fateful words… “Definitely two, possibly three babies.” I CAN NOT fathom what it must have been like not to find out you were having twins till the second one was born!
I have identical girl twins. They are both 5 yrs old (hehe).
They have almost finished their first year of prep and still, no one (not even their teacher) can tell them apart. They don’t mind being called the twins (but I do). I would have to say that initially I did not like the thought of having twins, it was quite a shock and a little bit scary…I’m used to it now and love the fact that I got two for the price of one pregnancy.
You do have such gorgeous girls.
I promise I would never, ever say to you “I wish I had twins” – I take my hat off to all parents of twins, one at a time can be tricky enough. During our IVF dramas our specialist wanted to try two embryos at once and I vehemently said no. If nature brings you twins then so be it but I didn’t want to deliberately take the risk.
Someone really said “those freaky twins”???? People are very strange.
Hard to believe that our precious grand daughters are turning eight.
The highs and lows but most of all the magic of the last eight years has been wonderful. We look forward to years of excitement, love and laughter and the occasional tear. Happy Birthday Izzy and Zoe.
I think you just about covered everything – great post!
You know, I really, really wanted twins.. even after the doc told me that we were only going to have one kid, I was still a little hopeful. Maybe the other one is hiding behind? And isn’t my pregnant belly bigger than usual?? haha…
Glad they bring such joy to u. And they definitely aren’t “freaky” twins!!
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
I think you’ve pretty much covered what most twin Mums feel (or at least this one). I despise those comments from people who say they wish they had twins, and yes, the fighting and bickering at times is never-ending. And whoever started that rumour about a secret ‘twin language’ has got a lot to answer for…. Our twin girls (and no, I don’t know if they’re identical or fraternal, and boy am I paying for not giving that issue more attention!) are 6 now, younger sisters to our almost-10-year-old girl. I get a giggle whenever one of my friends or cousins go in for their first ante-natal ultrasound, and the question of twins is top priority now… Just to be sure!!!
They are gorgeous girls Kate, I know quite a few ‘twin families’ and they all admit it is tough going at times, but that’s parenthood isn’t it? :-)
Happy Birthday to your girls with the most beautiful eyebrows EVER.
Seriously, I can’t stop looking at them. FABULOUS!
They do have pretty nice eye brows don’t they. They didn’t inherit that from me… in fact they didn’t inherit much from me at all! LOL
Those are the “welsh eyebrows” from my mother, Gwenythe, their great grandmother, still going strong at 91!
Thank you for a lovely post Kate. Also anyone who wishes they have twins should ask any twin mum how her pregnancy was and (often) what it was like to have premature babies.
My twin pregnancy was hard hard work. I was the size of a small building. People actually stopped in the street with their mouths open to stare.
My boys were born at 37 weeks via c-section weighing 7lbs & 6lbs. Our boys were not identical and had separate placenta.Unfortunately my youngest twin Findlay had twisted his umbilical cord around itself and cut off his oxygen supply so he was born sleeping. We love him and miss him a lot. I still think of myself as a twin mum although I missed out on so much.
His twin brother Jacob is nearly four. He has an older sister Molly who will be 8 in April next year and a younger brother Pete who is 2.
I am so sorry for your lost baby… You are most definitely a twin mum, and always will be.
Twin pregnancies can be hard, mine was fairly easy until 25 weeks when I went into labour and was diagnosed with TTTS. The next 4 weeks was spent in and out of hospital, and I never got very pregnant because the girls were born at 29 weeks. I wouldn’t wish prem babies or a difficult pregnancy on my worst enemy.
Hiya! I have two girls, now 15+ months, not identical, I’m also not talking about my sex life, they have been called ‘freaks’ already when they were 4 months old (accompanied by a “oh my god!”) and generally people enjoy looking at them. At this point they still enjoy being looked at, I’m sure that will change, but I am guessing it is different when they’re not identical. Hop on over and have a look-see at my blog, be sure to leave a comment!
Cheers,
Really Ninja
People keep calling me freaky twins too. I just wish they’d leave us alone. Your girls are cool. They’ve taught me that it’s okay to wear the same dress as I wear.
I’m thinking all that new tap-ware must have gone to your head. But you do look very pretty in a dress.
I know if you have one set of fraternal twins you are more likely to have another set. Don’t say it won’t happen because that is just daring the universe.
Raising girl girl twins is totally different from raising boy girl twins.
After the first set of twins a single baby feels very different.
Twins are amazing.
I can’t tell you how many times people asked me if I was having another set of twins when I was pregnant with both the boys. I took much joy in explaining that because my girls were identical it was more likely that they would have twins than I would have a second set.
People with two sets of twins are my absolute and total heroes… especially those who do with wish such love and grace as you do.
I know its thought that identical twins don’t run in families…but….i have identical twins (mo/mo) my cousin has identical twins….my grandmother was a twin, as was her mother (and although we can’t confirm if they were identical, the photos tell me they were) and my dad has identical cousins…..so…..
Twins are fabulous. My twins are IVF. I did get asked once if I sure they were twins….sigh….umm yeah I was there! People often insisted that twin one was a boy inspite of me insisting she was a girl. just coz I often dressed her in mint green.
I have conceived 3 (yes 3) sets of twins in a row naturally, but lost a twin in the 3rd set at 10 weeks gestation…
People should know that:
– boy/girl twins are NOT identical!
– twins are NOT double trouble
– twins are double the love, double the hugs
– twins do not like being referred to as such n such’s twin
– they are completely separate people don’t compare them all the time
– they do not always like the same thing – just ask my 13 year old boy twins and my 16yr old boy/girl twins!!