‘How to Find Balance in your Life’
‘You CAN Have it All’
The headlines flash up on my screen as I read article after article and am left feeling like a failure.
Finding ‘balance’ seems to be like finding Nirvana for Mums these days, or so it seems.
But my life? My life is totally unbalanced.
Every now and then I wish to ‘have it all’, and have it served up in neat little portions, with everything nicely organised and perfectly ‘balanced’. But instead I live in constant chaos.
But perhaps the articles are wrong. Perhaps unbalanced chaos is not so bad after all? Perhaps balance is the last thing I need right now?
When I stop to think about it, I realise what I need right now is to live in the moment… This crazy moment, surrounded by piles of unfolded laundry, a house that is feral five seconds after I clean it and four kids who need me to be totally, utterly and chaotically, unbalanced.
Right now I choose to be unbalanced.
I choose to load the scales in favour of my children.
There are other things I juggle around the edges. Things like time to do stuff I enjoy, fleeting thoughts of a career, my marriage, my friends… But right now, when my kids are small that is where I choose to spend my time.
I am not always happy about it, in fact sometimes it frustrates me that I can’t just leave the kids and do things and go places whenever I want to. But I know it is not forever, one day the kids will be grown and I will have more time than I know what to do with… but not right now.
Right now I know I can’t ‘have it all’ and be sane and happy.
Right now I need to look at ‘balance’ in a new way. It is not about having equal portions neatly arranged, it’s about priorities, working out what is important for me (not anyone else) right now and figuring out how to make it work.
I choose not to buy into the hype. My marriage won’t end if I don’t have regular ‘date nights’. I will not shrivel up and die if I don’t carve out some ‘me time’. It’s ok to spend 90% of my time with my children, because that is where my life is at right now, that is my priority, and shock of shocks…. that is what makes me happy.
So I say “poo” to balance.
Balance is baloney… and I try not to feed my family too much of that processed crap!
What do you think about the idea that mothers should aspire to ‘balance’?
Can we really have it all? Should we want it all?
{image – that’s me, juggling broccoli provided by Ella’s Garden, at the Kid’s Business Bloggers BBQ recently. Photo via Kid’s Business on flickr.}
Megan at Writing Out Loud says
Firstly – juggling broccoli?! Funny!
Love this post, Kate. This is something I’ve had to learn in a big way, too. Balance has become like happiness – things people are trying to strive for like some elusive destination, and something that’s completely unattainable in the way it’s fed to us. There’s a lot to be said for simplifying things and just living each day.
katef says
I also juggled oranges, lemons and apples…. ;)
And yes! ‘Balance’ has become like happiness! I can’t help but read some articles about ‘finding balance’ and wonder if my life will ever be ‘happy’ because I can’t find the time for ‘date night’… wonder why it took me so long to get over myself! LOL
Amy @ MahliMoo says
Funny that you posted this today Kate! I posted about not having any balance today and how it is bugging me.
I’m not sure if it is balance I really mean though, I think I am just looking for stability and routine. I need to have a structured and organised home or my moods seems to suffer, which in turn affects the whole family.
So yes, balance is baloney! But try telling me mind that ;)
katef says
I think ‘rhythm’ or routine is entirely different to that elusive ‘balance’ we are all supposed to desire.
You can have a predictable weekly routine, but have it still weighted in favour of what YOU need in your life right now, and never have a date night and still stay married LOL
Actually I could do with some routine myself… shift working husbands suck.
Sharon says
Having it all is consumer hype anyway…..as long as we have what we need (not what some journalist tells us we need but what is essential to life!) then that should be enough. My life is chaotic, unbalanced and messy and I am happy :-)
Mind you my mind is unbalanced after 3 sleepless nights with a poorly girl :-(. Yes in my wildest fantasy I am 3 stone lighter, the house is spotless and the children are grown and in high paying jobs but hey, wouldn’t that be a little dull?
katef says
It really is consumer hype! I’ve not really thought about that aspect before… but it’s like all the ‘essential’ baby crap we are told we need to buy….
dixiebelle says
I am always searching for that magical spell of balance. Sometimes I actually almost have it. But maybe it’s not balance I really need, but learning how to prioritise without the guilt.
E. says
I think that everybody’s version of balance is different and it depends where they are in their lives.
My children are 13 and 8 and i work at home. My balance at the moment is meeting people for coffee during school hours. I need the adult conversation. I think I can count my dates with my husband in the last 6 years on one hand. We have no family here and so have become quite self sufficient, I guess.
My need for dinner out with my husband is currently not as practicable as us having lunch or dinner out as a family. That will change, I hope.
In the meantime things work out. Maybe we don’t have balance as others do but we have balance as it works for us.
Mandy says
I think I’ve given up on balance, I hate the word to be honest, just sanity, that is all I am after.
katef says
Yes I am at the point where I hate that word too… I think it steals my sanity more than anything else!
Lauren Burke says
ahhhh.. thanks. I needed to read that today!
:)
Lauren
Shae says
You’re so right! Love this
Bright & Precious says
I think this is exactly what I needed to read right now. You’ve made me feel better and more accepting of my chaos. Thank you Kate. x
Kate Sins says
Yes, yes, YES, you are so right. Balance-shmalance, it is about living in the moment and prioritising. Life is so much nicer with acceptance of what you’ve got rather than lamenting what you don’t have.
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum says
I struggle with probably wanting more than what I’m able to fit in during this season of life. I put pressure on myself and yet I know that right here with my family is my priority, and everything else has to fall into place behind that. As far as balance – there is no such thing as perfect. Like you said, it’s all about priorities. Heck yes, it’s chaos at times, but I try to realise that it’s part of this season of life (which is never easy!)
katef says
I struggle with that a LOT. And combined with ridiculous envy… feeling like everyone else is doing all the things you want to do but can’t right now… it can be really crippling. But when I can be rational I know it is just a total waste of time and effort!
Lisa Wood says
OH why oh why didnt I found this years ago….I am so un-balanced within my life (lifestyle) and yet I have felt likes it my fault, and that I must be doing something wrong…when really its ok??
I am so glad that you are happy with your life, and that you have accepted the way it is. So glad that I am not the only one – balance sure is balony!
So really needed to read this tonight – as I have had no time for anything today…and feel so guilty that I havent had time for hubby!
Melanie says
I agree wholeheartedly. I have been very conscious recently of being in the moment and enjoying life right here and now instead of wishing it away or planning for the future. With a 3 year old and a 2 year old, life is messy, noisy and chaotic but I have found my children have responded in amazing ways to my being truly present and engaged. It has also reduced my stress levels markedly.
That is not to say that life is always peachy but even when they are being little toads, I can rationalise that this is such a short time of my (and their) lives and find delight in the little details.
Jode says
What a great post…and one i am so grateful to have read tonight! Since having the twins and giving up my full time work i have struggled to find that balance and seriously it just isn’t happening…i am where i need to be right now and that is the very best i can do…the career will wait…again…thank you for helping me to claw back some perspective!
Jacquie says
Totally agree Kate. I don’t think anyone can have it all at once. I was thinking today that for the first time in 9 years I no longer have piles of washing all over my house waiting to be folded or found by people looking for their clothes to wear. It’s honestly because the kids have got bigger & I have time to fold the washing outside at the line & put it away without worrying what they are doing inside without me supervising. It was impossible to get it all done before without something else having to give. It’s all ages & stages of life I think & there’s a lot of pressure put on ourselves to do everything perfectly and all at once. Love the broccoli juggling too ;-)
Tamara says
Thank-you
If the village was raising its children it wouldn’t have time to come up with ways to tells us to want stuff we don’t need.
We’re NEVER AGAIN going to have the scales so tipped in our favour for receiving affection and affirmation – all free and we don’t even need to invest in glamour to get it – we just need to pause from the never ending tide of washing and ‘look at me mummy – for a long time’
‘good practicing balancing sweetie – now let me catch you before you hit the floor head first’
Jen says
It’s funny how people are so keen to tell busy mums that they need more ‘balance’ (i.e. kid-free time) in their lives but no-one tells childless adults that they should spend one night a week looking after someone else’s kids/folding laundry/preparing and cleaning up dinners etc in order to get more ‘balance’ in their lives.
katef says
Oh My Yes!
Have to share your comment on my facebook page… SO spot on!
Milly says
Love your words. We need to look at balance as changing our focus (depending on where it needs to be at the time) across different areas of our lives across our whole lifetime!
katef says
OH I just love that idea….
umatji says
yep, i mean what is easier – standing in the middle of the see saw using your thigh muscles to hold both ends in the air or banging one end down and lying with you feet on the grass, head half way up the length enjoying watching the clouds go over!
balance is fun sometimes but not a way to live.
xx
Caitlin says
Very true.
Really, to be ‘unbalanced’ is the perfect balance!
What’s wrong with ‘me time’ being time I enjoy with my children?