We have four crazy, beautiful, infuriating, awesome kids.
We even have the perfect selection, two girls, two boys. Aren’t we clever!?!?
We also have at least one more child than it seems is ‘normal’ judging from the comments that strangers often feel compelled to share.
We have the future sleeping arrangements sorted (boys and girls will share bedrooms when they are ready), we have just enough stools for our new kitchen bench and just enough seats in the Big White Bus to still bring a friend or two home to play.
Logically, four seems to be the right number for us.
Even emotionally I am feeling like four is enough. I often feel stretched with what I already have on my plate, and I am beginning to look forward to the benefits of having older children. And in the back of my mind is the Father Figure’s heart problems, that big scary thing seems reason enough to stop at four.
So four it is.
We are decided.
No more kids at the Pickle Farm.
And yet… there is a little nagging part of me that would like just one more.
To be pregnant again. To grow another human. To hold a tiny baby in my arms. To watch another child grow.
Maybe just one more…
But no. We’ve decided. Four is right for us.
But how do I quiet that little nagging voice??
Will I ever look at a new born baby or a pregnant belly without a little bit of longing?
How do I know if I am really done??
How did you know you were done having kids?
And much love to those of you who don’t get to make this decision yourself for whatever the reason… I do know how lucky I am. :)
Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:
Finances! … lol! :)
We have two, boy and girl. We both wanted more but when our son weighed in at 10 lb 2 oz, we knew we couldn’t risk it. Even my doctor said it was probably not wise.
As you know number three has just arrived and on day 3 when all the drugs had worn off I was like no way I am doing this again and hubby was like good we wont have an argument then……..day 5 I saw a preggie lady and had a tear thinking about the fact that I might never do this again! A friends mum (yes she is 70) tells me you never lose that feeling of wanting another………………………………
I have one child and it just feels right. I have no desire for another one, even though when I first had my daughter I was certain we would start trying again when she was six months old. When she was about two months old I remember looking at her and thinking I never want another child, just her. It’s hard because my partner wants more, we’re surrounded by people with two or more kids, who often want more, and we’re the odd ones out but it just feels right.
I sort of enjoyed being pregnant – both it and breastfeeding do amazing things to my mental health, and babies are great, I just have no desire at all to do it again. No ache, no cluckiness, nothing.
So count me as one of the “I just know” crowd. It’s nothing to do with money or pregnancy or babies, I just don’t want another kid.
I always wanted two, and never feel like I want another. Possibly helped by the fact that little girl was such a horrible sleeper I’m never risking that again. She didn’t get a 5 hour block until she was over 2 and was still waking about 5 times a night.
I’ve always liked the age my children are. When they were babies I was passionate about breastfeeding, slings, cloth nappies and thoroughly enjoyed it. As toddlers and preschoolers we played and cooked and I wasn’t into babies. Now they are at school and I want to read and be able to talk to kids and I’m not into toddlers. Cute to watch, not to be around.
My life was seriously unbalanced and I was stir crazy at the beginning of the year. Getting a job and being away from them is the best thing I’ve ever done, I wasn’t a good Mum any more because I was so over it. If we’d lived somewhere else and I’d been able to work part time or have something for me I might have enjoyed it longer, but our choices were all or nothing. The idea of going back to babies again makes me feel sick.
I’m a regular reader but posting as anon, but Kate, you will know who it is from the email address.
I have 2 boys, 8 and 6 and thought I was done, shop shut. But hubby desperately wanted another and especially wanted a girl. When I had my mirena taken out when youngest turned 5 we decided to just ‘see what happens’. About a year later I was pregnant! But our 12 week scan showed problems and a cvs and an amnio and a 20 week scan confirmed that this little girl just couldn’t go on. So now I am sitting here very confused about whether to try again. I see little girls down the street and yearn for our little girl, but don’t know if I could do it again. I look at my boys and am grateful that they are healthy and think about that age gap that is just getting bigger each month. Very difficult decision.
Homemaker Mummy says
This was my dilemma about a month ago & the reason for my starting a blog. I’m almost 38 have a 15, 4 & 2 yr old & now surprisingly planning for another. Homemaker daddy & I WERE done. Or so we’d thought. My 1st child is from a previous marriage & a son & daughter we share. Mind you we live in a 3 bed duplex?? Anyhow I booked in for the Marina to have done & the day before the appoint. I just cancelled. I’m still not even quite sure why, but I know that I’m supposed to be having another one : )
We have 2, a boy and a girl ages 5 and 17 mo. My second pregnancy was hard on me and my family who didn’t really get to spend time with me for several months due to how miserable I felt. It was difficult getting pregnant with my daughter too. When she was born I knew we were done. We’d always wanted two. I’d even planned for two (four stocking hangers… Saved blankets made by deceased grandma… Arranged month by month photo album to show two kids side by side…). I felt like my family was complete that first Christmas.
Then… My three closest friends got pregnant again all at the same time with babies 4, 4, and 3. Not one of them thinks they’re done. The last baby was born last night. I’ve been asking my husband to pray about having more for a while now. Last night (after babysitting 7 kids + our 2 bc we had been scheduled to babysit for a friend then took my in labor friend’s three as well!) my husband said he’s really happy with two and loves our family dynamic. I do too… But I hate that I’m done having babies!
I think that we’re done, but it eats at me. Hubby just said yesterday too that its time to wean our daughter. My last baby is getting big and its awful to hear friends gush about mothering more. But I love my kids, and I love the freedom of only having two.
Part of me is still hoping we have a surprise down the road but I don’t feel like anyone is really missing and I love my life. Now I’m just praying I learn contentment and not be so covetous.
I have an 11 year old step son and a 2 year old daughter. I “wasn’t supposed to be able to” have children. Little Miss was the most amazing surprise ever. Hubby is ready to be done. I am ok… fine. really? Really… I think. Because I wasn’t supposed to have any… So one is awesome. *She* is awesome. But secretly? I come up with baby names at night and type them on the computer to see which I like best and then I delete them before bed. (Well I delete most of them.) So… I think more often than not we don’t really know. We just … live each day.
sara vidrine says
Well I was wondering the same thing when I tumbled upon this and I didn’t the smartest thing I knew to do. I asked my 85 year old granny. And she said “I would imagine everyone is different and some people don’t deserve any but I’m 85 and if I thought I was able I would try to raise a baby. She said the feeling has never gone away for her. But turn of events made up her mind for her. I am a very proud mommy of 4 beautiful girls. And I bet your thinking so..your trying for a boy? The answer is no..and yes…I’m trying for whatever God graciously gives me. I’ve never had a yearning to add a boy to our mix anymore than a 5th girl but I am pregnant now and I just have this overwhelming feeling that I am carrying a boy. Time will tell. But back to the main topic..As far as numbers go. I am a very firm believer that God will provide our needs. Maybe not wants..but needs and the bible says be fruitful and multiply so my number is probably higher than most. But considering my health and my husband’s I would say 5 might be our number but most likely 6 or 7. I think I’ll just know. When the possibility of another baby is gone or I start having grand babies then I’ll be done to help my daughters raise theirs if need be.