We have four crazy, beautiful, infuriating, awesome kids.
We even have the perfect selection, two girls, two boys. Aren’t we clever!?!?
We also have at least one more child than it seems is ‘normal’ judging from the comments that strangers often feel compelled to share.
We have the future sleeping arrangements sorted (boys and girls will share bedrooms when they are ready), we have just enough stools for our new kitchen bench and just enough seats in the Big White Bus to still bring a friend or two home to play.
Logically, four seems to be the right number for us.
Even emotionally I am feeling like four is enough. I often feel stretched with what I already have on my plate, and I am beginning to look forward to the benefits of having older children. And in the back of my mind is the Father Figure’s heart problems, that big scary thing seems reason enough to stop at four.
So four it is.
We are decided.
No more kids at the Pickle Farm.
And yet… there is a little nagging part of me that would like just one more.
To be pregnant again. To grow another human. To hold a tiny baby in my arms. To watch another child grow.
Maybe just one more…
But no. We’ve decided. Four is right for us.
But how do I quiet that little nagging voice??
Will I ever look at a new born baby or a pregnant belly without a little bit of longing?
How do I know if I am really done??
How did you know you were done having kids?
And much love to those of you who don’t get to make this decision yourself for whatever the reason… I do know how lucky I am. :)
We have 3 and I was keen for more, but Country Boy wasn’t (you can only fit 3 on a motorbike is his explanation).
Then we went on holidays in October for the first time with out having to take a heap of baby paraphernalia. No stroller, booster seat, travel cot etc. It was brilliant and so much easier than any holiday had been for years (I have taken a 1 year old to asia for a month). Soon after that, my sister bought her 3 month old to visit, and I was glad to see them, but glad too, to hand the baby back. That’s when I knew we were done! Still love babies, and occasionally get aching ovaries, but I know that I don’t really want any more.
OMG! I am thinking such similiar things. Although we have three kids and a car that only just squeezes us in with my knuckles scraping each time I have to reach in between the two booster seats…anyway. I nearly feel done but I could imagine one more. We always wanted four. There is not a big reason to not have another one…just a lot of little things. I want to be pregnant and hold a tiny person (that the man I love and I made together). My nearly two year old is no longer a baby. Our lives are getting simpler. But how do you know? I think you just come to the decision over time.
With next to no sleep for many days in a row, my catnapping six month old is a great reminder that we are done! I think?!?
I was just talking with a friend yesterday who’s about to have number 3 and feels sure they’ll stop there but is still very wistful about the whole idea of never doing it again (and she hasn’t actually had #3 yet!).
I don’t have the luxury of deciding (our beautiful Mr 2 is all we’ll be able to have) so I can be more wistful than most, but in a sense having the decision taken out of my hands is not altogether a bad thing. So to answer your question, I think a woman can only ever know they’re really done when biology catches up and you physically can’t have anymore!
WHich probably doesn’t help you one little bit ;-) Sorry!!
I’m blessed to have two gorgeous, precious munchkins… and although I’d dearly love number 3, my 40th birthday is just around the corner and I’m not brave enough to go on… although my ovaries do ache!! I’m envious of your busy 4 kidlet household… if I had my time again I’d definitely get started earlier and have 4.
We have five boys, and hubby has made sure we dont have any more. Yet I still have that feeling every single day – that I want one more! And I dont think that feeling will ever go away? so I am not sure how one can decide if they are done having kids! Would love to know the answer :)
If only that feeling would go away I’d be much better off! I never thought I’d stop at two…I always thought I’d have three. And I always thought the third would be a boy (two girls here). But…my depression is severely tested during the first 18 months of a baby, my kids never slept well, day or night, two seems right for so many reasons… but that ache won’t go away.
I have 4 girls and feel just like you. I often find myself gazing wistfully at a new baby and I don’t imagine that feeling will ever go away
We have two little monsters 3 and 16 months… and I am done – don’t get me wrong being pregnan,t newborn cuddles and the first 12 months makes me ache for more…….but then they walk and then run and then tantrum and I must admit on a bad day – resulting from a bad night -my 2 beautiful, funny, delightful and totally draining children are the best birth control I can ask for!!!! That and I think (for me and my hubby) one for each or us to wrangle is enough…. but I will ALWAYS be clucky!!!!
Oh Kate, I wish I felt like this! We have 3 beautiful boys & my husband & I always said we would have 4. But I’ve totally lost all clucky baby feelings though & I just can’t do it!! My husband (& all the kids as well) all want another baby but I’ve said no. I would love to have 4 kids but I just don’t want to go through the 1st 2 years again. I would happily be pregnant & go through the birth again (I had very straightforward caesarians) – I’m just done with having babies & toddlers. I have 4 nieces & nephews under 3 & even though i love them to death it hasnt made me want another baby. My youngest is 5 now & about to start full time school next year & life is just so nice!! We have done many trips away together as a family – on planes, camping etc & it’s so enjoyable not having to worry about sleep times, feeding etc etc. & we have all had a really good time. But i dont know if that feeling will go away – that maybe we should have had one more. Aahh – if only it were simple & we knew when we were done or not ;-)
We always said two was enough, and now that we are toilet training child number two, the prospect of going back to nappies and bottles is beyond me. But I did love being pregnant and growing a human inside me, and babies are so delicious that it is a bit sad sometimes.
I have two and long for a third… my neighbour (now in her 60s) said that the feeling of wanting another doesn’t go away until menopause!
Oh no! I really don’t like this post!! After having #2 I had thoughts of, imagine if it’s the last time I’m pregnant. The last time I give birth. The last child I name. The last child I feed and rock at night. And I don’t like it! I really don’t believe we’re done yet, but I am definitely dreading the conversation and the ensuing years!!
I have two girls, 13 months and 3 years. I only ever wanted two children, and so did my husband. We are done. Planning on making it impossible soon… snip snip!!
I also didn’t enjoy my pregnancies, especially the second one; bad morning sickness, than I developed pelvic instability and then gestational diabetes. I think that there may have been 3 weeks out of 40 where I felt good.
Plus, like Alissa, I have depression which seriously worsens within a few months of birth, and I don’t want to go through that again, only doing better for the last few months.
When I see pregnant women now, I think “poor thing”…
I am not done. As you know Kate, I have three girls but I want just ONE more baby. But hubby was done two ago. I have benn lucky to have my three. But just one more…..
It is tough to know who has the more valid reasons, the need to buy a new car, the ease of the kids getting older, the march of time, but there is always just one more…
We have 2 boys {both still under 3} and always said we would just have 2 but I also feel like you but occasionly I have twinges and think about another and we have not taken any permanent measures to stop having another but I don`t think it is likely.
For us, the main reason is money. Living abroad but wanting to go home once a year means we have to find money for at least 3 plane tickets, sometimes 4.
Can I saw we definitely won`t have a 3rd? No, I can`t but despite my age {still under 30} I have been told it would be bed rest for final 3 months based on prem labour with 1st stopped by meds and premature birth with 2nd and with 2 other kids to care for that would be tough.
Advice I’ve heard that made sense to me was: (1)when you feel that you are literally missing a person from your family, like when you call everyone and feel like there’s supposed to be one more until you realize they are all there (2) when both parents agree that it would be a good idea (3) after praying about it and feeling a sense that it would be good.
I have wrestled with it myself and my hubby and I have gone back and forth individually but at this time we are in agreement and hoping for another one whenever God allows it to happen.
No idea !! I wonder about this almost everyday !! with my 2 yr old boy getting more independent and growing so fast I think ‘where is my baby??’. We too, still want to travel and explore, everything is set up for 2 adults and 2 kids, life is getting easier. Plus, I am 3/4 the way through a very long teaching degree and the prospect of finishing within 2 years is exciting. But still….. just a glimpse at a tiny newbie or a photo of someone elses makes me wonder! I always wanted 4, but with 1 of each, thats pretty good too right now!(Plus, they are expensive!!)
Lauren :)
I have one gorgeous nearly 9 yo and have no plans for any more. I divorced when she was 11 months old and it took until she was 7 to find my new Mr Wonderful. When she was about 3 I decided that even if I meet someone that day there would be a massive gap between her and my next child… I din’t like the idea of having two only children in the same family. Her father went on to have more children (and continues to) so she isnt starved of siblings.
My new partner has two gorgeous girls from his previous marriage so really we have three girls now! Early onset menopause at 34 thrown a spanner in the works of ever having any more anyway and was a real shock to me!
We are happy with the three, my one and his two, any more and bums in seats becomes an issue in our 4WD!
I always wanted at least two kids..but when our second was born I still had that nagging voice in my head that desperately wanted just one more baby. In my mind our family wasn’t complete, someone was missing. When our third was born I knew our family was complete, that nagging feeling is gone, she completes our family. I still love to have a cuddle of friends newborns and enjoy those newborn snuggles, but I give them back I have no desire to add any more to our family.