“How do you do it?” she asked only half serious.
“I only have two kids and I don’t work, or blog or do anything… how do you do it all?”
I cringed a little, and blushed a little, and tried to shrug off the question.
She was only asking me how I do it ‘all’ because she doesn’t see ‘all’ the things I don’t do.
It’s not uncommon to look at someone, especially another parent, and feel like they have it all all under control, while you are barely keeping it together.
I fall into that trap myself, a lot.
It feels like everyone else is managing to do everything, and do it all well, and I am just a hot mess in every area of my life!
So when someone asked me ‘how do you do it all?’ and confessed that they felt like I was the one who was juggling everything successfully, I almost laughed out loud!
Who knew that from the outside it sometimes looked like I was ‘doing it all’, because from the inside it usually felt like I was failing it all!
So for all of us who sometimes think that another parent is ‘doing it all’ so well, and wondering why that is not us…. here’s what you don’t know.
When You Ask ‘How Do You Do It All?’ Here’s What You Don’t Know.
From the outside it may look like I have it all under control, it may look like I am a super mum who can ‘do it all’, but there are so many things that I don’t do.
I don’t do clean floors or clean windows.
I don’t do date nights.
I don’t do weekend sports/activities.
I don’t do hair cuts, or even hair styles, or make-up.
I don’t do hobbies.
I don’t do fancy meals.
I don’t do gym.
I don’t do folded washing and I most certainly don’t do ironing.
I don’t do matching socks.
I don’t do library books on time.
I don’t do tidy.
I don’t do enough sleep, or peaceful mornings.
I don’t do separated laundry.
I don’t do fancy school lunches.
I don’t do tidy bedrooms.
Some of these things are things I feel I should do, or even things I’d like to do, but I know I can’t do everything.
Some of them are things I have purposely decided I will not do, because I know how stressed I get when I take on too much.
And some of them are things I don’t do, because they are simply not important to me, right now.
And you know what, that’s all perfectly fine.
It’s ok not to do it all, none of us can do it all.
‘Doing it all’ is a myth that keeps us so busy trying to achieve itm that we forget to enjoy life. It’s a lie that lives in dark guilty corners, and haunts us when we are feeling low. It steals your time, and your sanity.
Your kids are only kids once, don’t waste time trying to live up to unrealistic expectations.
I don’t do it all, and neither does anyone else.
I don’t do everything, I simply do whatever it is that needs to get done, and I try hard to stay away from the comparison game.
I wake up every morning and do what is needed to get through each day. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I procrastinate, and I almost never get to the end of my to list, but I do as much as I can, and I work on letting go of the rest.
I also make sure I do somethings that I want to do, not just things that I ‘need’ to do. It’s ok to put yourself on your to do list. It’s perfectly fine to ditch a ‘should’ and do an ‘enjoy’, and do them often.
I do what is important to me, for my family.
I do what is mine to do, and that is enough.
I don’t do it all… but I do enough.
You can’t do it all… but you already do enough, really you do.
What things do you ‘not do’ so you can do what you need and want to do?
Let’s be proud of all the things we set aside so we can get through each day, and hopefully enjoy most of them!
Let’s share our ‘don do’ lists, so other parents won’t fall into the trap of thinking that everyone else can ‘do it all’ except them
Read some more about why doing enough is enough.