“How do you do it?” she asked only half serious.
“I only have two kids and I don’t work, or blog or do anything… how do you do it all?”
I cringed a little, and blushed a little, and tried to shrug off the question.
She was only asking me how I do it ‘all’ because she doesn’t see ‘all’ the things I don’t do.
It’s not uncommon to look at someone, especially another parent, and feel like they have it all all under control, while you are barely keeping it together.
I fall into that trap myself, a lot.
It feels like everyone else is managing to do everything, and do it all well, and I am just a hot mess in every area of my life!
So when someone asked me ‘how do you do it all?’ and confessed that they felt like I was the one who was juggling everything successfully, I almost laughed out loud!
Who knew that from the outside it sometimes looked like I was ‘doing it all’, because from the inside it usually felt like I was failing it all!
So for all of us who sometimes think that another parent is ‘doing it all’ so well, and wondering why that is not us…. here’s what you don’t know.
When You Ask ‘How Do You Do It All?’ Here’s What You Don’t Know.
From the outside it may look like I have it all under control, it may look like I am a super mum who can ‘do it all’, but there are so many things that I don’t do.
I don’t do clean floors or clean windows.
I don’t do date nights.
I don’t do weekend sports/activities.
I don’t do hair cuts, or even hair styles, or make-up.
I don’t do hobbies.
I don’t do fancy meals.
I don’t do gym.
I don’t do folded washing and I most certainly don’t do ironing.
I don’t do matching socks.
I don’t do library books on time.
I don’t do tidy.
I don’t do enough sleep, or peaceful mornings.
I don’t do separated laundry.
I don’t do fancy school lunches.
I don’t do tidy bedrooms.
Some of these things are things I feel I should do, or even things I’d like to do, but I know I can’t do everything.
Some of them are things I have purposely decided I will not do, because I know how stressed I get when I take on too much.
And some of them are things I don’t do, because they are simply not important to me, right now.
And you know what, that’s all perfectly fine.
It’s ok not to do it all, none of us can do it all.
‘Doing it all’ is a myth that keeps us so busy trying to achieve itm that we forget to enjoy life. It’s a lie that lives in dark guilty corners, and haunts us when we are feeling low. It steals your time, and your sanity.
Your kids are only kids once, don’t waste time trying to live up to unrealistic expectations.
I don’t do it all, and neither does anyone else.
I don’t do everything, I simply do whatever it is that needs to get done, and I try hard to stay away from the comparison game.
I wake up every morning and do what is needed to get through each day. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I procrastinate, and I almost never get to the end of my to list, but I do as much as I can, and I work on letting go of the rest.
I also make sure I do somethings that I want to do, not just things that I ‘need’ to do. It’s ok to put yourself on your to do list. It’s perfectly fine to ditch a ‘should’ and do an ‘enjoy’, and do them often.
I do what is important to me, for my family.
I do what is mine to do, and that is enough.
I don’t do it all… but I do enough.
You can’t do it all… but you already do enough, really you do.
What things do you ‘not do’ so you can do what you need and want to do?
Let’s be proud of all the things we set aside so we can get through each day, and hopefully enjoy most of them!
Let’s share our ‘don do’ lists, so other parents won’t fall into the trap of thinking that everyone else can ‘do it all’ except them
Read some more about why doing enough is enough.
I totally agree with you. In fact, I feel like I have ‘done it all’ if I managed to grab a shower during the day!
oh.. that reminds me that I need to put ‘take a shower’ on my list! :)
Great reminder, Kate. I’m with you on the Don’t do library books on time. Also, I don’t do charity sponsorship events. I don’t do knitting. I don’t make custard (not even from powder). I don’t cook everything from scratch. I don’t do last minute requests unless for my husband or children.
Oh I totally and absolutely love this post… I don’t do so many many things – but I sure do enough!!! I don’t make every single available memory but we sure make enough…
Thank you!!!!
Now I feel FINE about the non-showering, non-made up, unfit me in my messy, dirty, house full of stuff, one kid, one partner and no pets (yet)
And that is why we are friends :)
Oh, I really needed to hear this… Thank you. :-)
Beautiful post Kate!
I know mums who have very clean houses and tidy kitchens and library books on time but that’s just not me, and I’m glad to know people like you who are more like me. (And fortunately I know quite a few of them in real life too). Everyone is doing a different version of “all”.
And in case I’ve never told you this, it was thanks to you that I let go of the need to separate washing into whites and colours and that has been a godsend, so thank you! xx
Oh I love this Kate and can really relate. I feel like people forget that everyone’s lives are just filled iwth different things. x
Love this post Kate. The late fee notice I just received in my inbox reminds me I don’t do on time library books always either!
Ah library books will be my downfall I fear! LOL
Glad to hear that all of us have things we don’t do!
Gosh it seems we do have much in common! Lol. “You can’t do it all….but you already do enough”. Very wise words. Thanks Kate :-)
I agree that no one does it all and everyone has to choose what is important to them but I hope you don’t really mean you get up in the morning and do the things you need to do to “get through the day” to me that is a really sad sentence. I work a crappy job where I am under appreciated and I have teenagers I fight with but life is to be loved and lived and that doesn’t always mean exotic holidays and expensive life styles but if you’re living the life you chose then I hope you find pleasure in each day :)
I’m so glad to see this! I was just asked this the other day, and I wanted to blurt out “you haven’t seen my house…”
Arrrgh, there is a lot of stuff that I don’t do! including not getting anywhere on time, ever
LOL I so relate but I am constantly walking around feeling like everything I don’t do is written across my forehead!
I’m trying to implement a half hour each day to deep cleaning and taking care of household tasks, rather than the haphazard “fit them into our day” model.*fingerscrossed*
Oh I feel that way too!
I fee like the whole world looks at me and things ‘she shouldn’t have had so many children, she obviously can’t cope’ but I mist hid it all pretty well as most people seem to think I ‘do it all’! LOL
Love this! We don\’t do it all either.
– I don\’t wash my clothes (or my kids clothes) every day – if it looks (and smells) ok, then straight back in the cupboard. (I find it makes our clothes last much longer too!)
– we don\’t make beds
– I don\’t do expensive tickets to concerts months in advance, because I\’ve found that other things pop up in the meantime and we end up overscheduled.
– I don\’t do swimming lessons – instead we just go to the pool often.
Haha, I could go on and on!
I tried to really do it all today, I ironed for the first time in years. I did silly jobs that I didn’t need to do but coz I was trying to get the house sorted I “needed to do it” however when I got into bed tonight I realised I’d barely spent any quality time with my kids which is more important that actually “doing it all” tomorrow I will do just what I need to and play with my children which exactly what they need!
Several years ago I made a “to Don’t” list and included a number of things I realized were in the back f my mind, nagging at me. These were things that whispered to me “you need to do this to be a grown-up” but that weren’t necessary at all. I’ve lost the list but I know among the things on it were:
Dinner Parties
matching anything (except sometimes socks)
saving something for “when we have company,”
writing a journal
keeping my car (super sexy 10-year-old) clean
Arranging my home with some imaginary visitor/jusdge in mind
brunch
weddings more than 4 hours away
funerals at all
parenting for an audience or for other parents
sleeping (or so it seems)
tennis
thank you notes (but I’ll call you!)
Oh I LOVE this so much… so so SO MUCH!
So much that I have to steal this idea!
You don’t happen to have a blog and have written a post about it by any chance? I’d LOVE to share this idea with my readers!
Hi. You’ve probably already done one but I’d love a post on the toys that get played with all the time or the activities/crafts you come back to time and time again. Thanks
What age group are you looking for toy recommendations for?
As far as art and crafts the activities we do over and over and that never get old even as my kids grow up are painting with watercolours and drawing…
This post might give you some drawing ideas – https://picklebums.com/20-drawing-ideas-activities/