How easily things go from all good and awesome, to crap.
It’s not the end of the world, it never is.
I know things will change and improve and the mood will lift eventually.
I am working on just feeling the feelings (like I am with my kids) and waiting patiently instead of worrying over them and wishing my bad days away…
But why is it that a dark mood and a bad day is so much harder to let go of than a good one?
The good slipped through my fingers so quickly as things started to go wrong. It all happened so fast and without warning.
And yet now, after dealing with the crap as best I can, when I wait for things to improve, it feels like the fog is moving ever so slowly and the doom and gloom will be here for eternity.
Right now I am wishing for a little green pill in a bottle marked ‘letting go’. I want to take the easy way out, to medicate the personality trait that makes me cling to these moments and relive them over and over instead of just letting them fly off as quickly as they came.
I’d also settle for a little box to stuff those feelings into and shut them away till I was better at dealing with them… or forever, whichever came first. Ok… fine… I know this is not healthy, but if it was… I’d totally do it!
There are not many things about myself that I would truly change if given the chance, but this, this dwelling on the negative, this is something that I would gladly be rid of.
What would you change about yourself?
{image adapted from this one by A Guy Taking Pictures}
Negative feelings are just hard. It’s all very well to say they are just feelings and therefore okay – but that doesn’t really make them feel any better. I always find when I am feeling grumpy, for instance, or a little blue, that I can tell myself that only I am responsible for my feelings, and that it’s no-one’s fault, or that I can change them if I want to – but I still find myself snapping at a child in the next moment. When I am feeling angry about something, it is hard to *want* to let it go.
What would I change about myself? I would change my instant reaction of wanting to *blame* someone whenever some thing goes wrong, instead of just accepting that it has happened. It’s an issue I’ve been aware of in myself since before I had kids, but having them (and watching my eldest, in particular, take on my bad habits) has driven it home more. And yet I still do it. That’s what I would change.
And having said all that, hugs to you. I hope the dark passes and the fog lifts, more quickly than you anticipate. xo
I love that you put yourself out there like this. As a woman, I struggle with self-esteem issues. As a mom, I’ve been known to fly off the handle from time to time. Knowing that there are other moms out there dealing with the same feelings is comforting. I hate, Hate, HATE the dark times. I hope that they pass quickly for you!
I struggle with letting go too. But I’m starting to focus on the positives, what I am thankful for in my life, and what makes me smile. It’s a work in progress. :-)
I am so bad for this too. Sometimes I let my guard down if I feel comfortable in a social setting and the ‘real, cheeky’ me comes to the surface and before I know it I open my mouth and something comes out and I can see by the reaction they didn’t quite get it, the humour, so I try to explain it and start digging a hole which I just want to swallow me up! But the worst bit, is spending the next several days going over and over the scenario. I wish I wouldn’t do that!
Those big feelings are hard to muster – they just want to roam the countryside and grow bigger than they oughta.
I think it’s a confidence thing. I think we cling to the negatives because somewhere deep down inside we think we deserve to feel that way. Punishing ourselves for something.
I think some kind of forgiveness is necessary, but of what and how, I do not know.
A big breath out and gentle calming is all that I know how to do about it right now. And a small nudge to myself, “You’re okay and you deserve your happiness”. x