If you are trying to break the habit of hollow, unthinking praise, and the habit of manipulative praise, and turn it into something more worthwhile, these 25 alternatives to saying “good job” might help get you on a better parenting path.
Recently I shared some thoughts on praise and manipulation.
In that post I shared some brutal truths about how I parent, and some ideas about how I would like to parent. I shared my goal to break the habit of hollow, unthinking praise, and the habit of manipulative praise, and turn it into something more worthwhile.
But breaking a habit is not easy, so I’m falling back on my tried and true idea and arming myself with some ‘positive first responses‘. I’m hoping that if I’ve already thought about something better to say than “good job” then I will be more likely to remember it and use it when the time comes.
So I’ve put together a list of 25 alternatives to “good job” and given myself some ideas of when to use them.
More parenting inspiration…
What to Say Instead – Alternatives to “Good Job”
Sometimes, when you are on the spot, it can be hard to think of the ‘right’ thing to say. This list of things you can say instead of ‘Good Job” is not perfect, but it might help you get on the right track, and if you have these ideas in the back of your mind, it might help you find the right words in the moment.
- Thank you for helping with…
- It makes mornings/dinner/outings easier when you…. thank you
- I really appreciate it when you…
- Thank you for doing that… it means I/we can now…
- We did it together.
- Wow! You made a building/drawing/etc.
- You did it on your own.
- You did x and then y and worked it out.
- You used lots of red paint/blocks/tape/etc.
- You made it really big/small/colourful/complicated/etc.
- That took you a long time, and you did it!
- How did you do that?
- You did X, what will you do now?
- Can you tell me about it?
- What is your favourite part?
- How did you think of that?
- I really enjoy doing this with you.
- I love watching you create/help your sister/play soccer/ etc.
- I’m so proud to be your mum, every day, no matter what.
- Look how happy your friend is when you share/help/smile/etc.
- You kept going, even when it was hard.
- You look so pleased to have done that!
- You made X feel so pleased when you did that.
- It makes you feel good when you do X.
- Say nothing – just smile.
Changing this habit and taking the time to think of something better to say can be hard, and it does take a little more time and effort, but that is the point. It is next to meaningless if we just let rote praise spew out of our mouths without thinking.
Only say something when you mean it, then you won’t notice the time and effort it takes to tell your child how you feel, how excited, or how thankful you are because it will be genuine.
Free Printable Poster – 25 Ways to Encourage.
It can be hard to break a habit, and when you are in the moment with your kids, it can be even harder to think up something to say. So I made a printable poster with these alternative encouraging phrases, so I can stick it on my fridge and practice a few every time I walk past.
At first they are going to sound a bit stilted and not that genuine, but the more you use them, the more they will become second nature, and the more you will adapt them to be more ‘you’, until you don’t need the list at all, because you’ve broken the habit of hollow praise!
You can download this printable poster of 25 ways to encourage here.
This printable is an A4 sized pdf file, you will need a pdf reader such as adobe acrobat to open it. If you are printing on US ‘letter sized’ paper be sure to select ‘fit’ or ‘shrink to fit’ from your printer options.
Please remember that the printables at picklebums.com are for personal use only, you may not sell, share, or link directly to these files.
Are you working on breaking a not so great parenting habit?
I’d love to hear about your parenting struggles, and your parenting wins!
If you’d like to share, leave a comment below, or feel free to send me an email any time.
This post was originally published in July 2014, and updated in 2020.
Angela Reuss says
I never really thought of it, but I use the words good job all the time… I’ve found a few other ways to say it but definitely not this many. I think some of this terminology can be useful with adults too! LOL
Malaika says
I appreciate your effort. It will make lives of many parents easier. Thank you!
Carmen says
While I already use a lot of these that are suggested, I sometimes wonder if they’re still listening after the first 3 words. Just sayin.
Shelly says
They are always listening. (Unless the tv is on, then ehh I’m pretty sure mine are not.)
Susen says
Great tips!!
ISABELLE says
These are good except for these two items:
•”You made X feel so pleased when you did that.” You are making the child responsible for someone else’s feelings. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings. You can’t “make” someone feel something.
Reword: X looked really pleased when you did Y
•”It makes you feel good when you do X.” Don’t tell the child how to feel. Ask the child how they felt and help them describe their feelings. For little children, you can use a feelings chart using different faces. There are several free charts on the web.
Kirsten says
I agree, same thing occurred to me.
Fanny says
These are great suggestions, only I caution you with the feelings ones. Feelings shouldn’t be labeled “good” or “bad”. They should name an actual emotion. Pleased is a stretch but will do in a pinch. I agree also with not telling a child what they should be feeling but instead helping them find words for what describes their emotion at the time. Even as adults naming emotions is difficult, so teaching kids words to describe feelings will last them their entire lives.
katepickle says
They are good points, thanks for sharing. When I have a moment I will edit the printable and make some minor changes.
And while I do understand about not wanting to tell a child how they feel I do think it is worthwhile taking and educated guess about how the child might be feeling and putting those feelings into words. It is so valuable for children to have their feelings articulated and to learn to express their feelings that I think it is worth trying to put a child’s feelings into words and giving them the opportunity to tell you if your are right or wrong. I agree the wording is not great though, so I’ll edit that when I can.
Monica says
I like the idea of explaining feelings, I pose it as a question or a string of questions. ‘Does it make you feel good when you x? Does it make you feel sad when you x?’ We get silly when we go this route too and it turns out to be alot of fun sometimes!
I love the reminders and the printable is great, thank you so much! Also, I love it for adults too! I think it will help me communicate with my spouse better. Not that I tell him good job all the time but often I don’t say anything when I would like to use some of these. Thanks again!
Nikki C says
Its so exciting to hear you all talking about feelings.. this heads our children in the direction of emotional maturity….Actually its important to tell our children what we think they are feeling using our empathy, they probably dont have the feeling language well enough to articulate it unless we already do this as a family. ‘I can see how frustrated you are getting’ ‘you are so proud of yourself’ . If instead you ask a child has to movee out of experiencing the emotion ‘yes I am proud’ into thinking…. ‘what am I feeling.. umm.. angry…no less than that … cross maybe… maybe…’ they are no longer feeling but thinking. We need to teach them the feeling language through experience first. Same as we teach other language ‘here is your cup , its a blue cup, where is your cup?’ … not…’is this a cup or a bowl’….. also known as emotion coaching
Krista Murphy says
I had the same thoughts- When you are labeling the child’s emotions, it’s more respectful to say “you seem” or “you look” X emotion- this leaves room for the child to acknowledge or to disagree.
When pointing out emotions of another child, also include the cues. For example, “Kendra seems happy after you gave her the truck. She is playing with it and smiling.”
Describing why you think the other child is experiencing X emotion will help the child you’re talking to build her own skills in understanding social cues.
Tabitha says
I just wanted to defend statements that help a child empathize like ” you made so-and-so very pleased/happy/feel cared for when you helped/shared, etc”. I have a nephew on the spectrum and one child who lack empathy or emotional intelligence. They need the pointer to help observe and identify what just happened. They can pick up on some negative because people can be pretty obvious when they are angry, but happy and hurt can be more subtle for them.
Kate says
Thanks for this! I’m planning to translate a lot of these to use in a French elementary class! Besides being a better way to praise, it also helps them build vocabulary when I’m more specific!
heather says
Thank you! I plan on using this at home and with my students!
Teresa says
You’re right. Sometimes no words are necessary. A thumbs up, pat on the back, high five, hug, smile….. they all work wonders. :)
Kasandra says
Thanks a bunch!! Wonderful list!!
Almost Unschoolers says
These are great! I said “good boy” to my son the other night, and he answered – “Mom, I’m not a dog!” :)
kimberly says
I had a college professor who drilled this into our heads….positive reinforcement is such a powerful tool! I can not hear those words “good job” without cringing children need to hear what you are grateful for about them (it does work with adults too) and it works with our selves~ we feel so much better about our world when start seeing and recognizing the small things we have to be grateful for….
Sarah Mueller says
Love this idea! I do try to use phrases like this, but having so many to choose from is brilliant. (and good for husbands, too!)
Emily says
Thanks so much for this! Luckily my daughter can’t read yet ;) so I can post this where my husband and I can both see and refer to it often. I love being able to tell her something meaningful, meaningful to both of us. Really appreciate it!
Anna @ family living on a budget says
I was just thinking about this. I am constantly telling my kids “good job” or something very similar, but I feel like I say it so often it doesn’t sound sincere. I’m so glad I found your great suggestions.
Kate Lloyd says
Kate this is absolutely BRILLIANT. Thank you so much for putting all these questions and comments in a printable. I will absolutely be printing it out and making it visible for hubby and I to use.
sharon pain says
These are EXCELLENT!!! I, too, cringe when I hear the phrase, “Good Job”. It is so over-used and doesn’t communicate much to the child. And it’s so redundant, that they’re probably numb to the comment.
Another pet peeve is “Buddy”. Your toddler, child, is not your buddy and vice versa. Let them be kids..period and you be a parent…period. When they are adults, they may, in fact, become a buddy. That’s a whole different thing. I’m a grandmother, so I probably have a different perspective on things like this.
Clare Cholewa says
I have 2 sons with special needs and while I appreciate and understand that much of the time “good job” is used to encourage and support them it still made me a bit batty because I am not sure if my sons understood what, if anything, they did to deserve it. So I have been ask others that if they see something my kids did well or achieved tell them good job but tell them exactly what they did, and to not just say good job because sometimes they really didn’t earn or deserve the praise. I think that has greater impact and reinforcement value.
Oana says
Oooo….LIKE! LIKE! Thank you! I’m happy because you share withh us! <3 Oana from Romania
Marty Dutcher says
Good work! ;) I’m happy to share this! You made a great list, and got some useful coaching, too, regarding saying “make (me, you) feel (whatever).” I learned that young children frequently absorb what we say without our notice, and can take it very literally. I love watching young children’s faces when they realize that that they don’t have to buy in to the idea that others make them feel however they feel – along with the idea that feelings don’t necessarily mean anything either. That makes them rather more enjoyable to have, don’t you think?
K says
Another GREAT one….
I LOVE to watch you play….
And add nothing else. Just that you love to watch them play sports, play the piano, etc.
Great list!