What to do When a Child Hits
Dealing with a child who hits can be a challenging and sensitive issue for parents. Working out what to do when a child hits requires a thoughtful approach that focuses on understanding and guiding our child’s behavior rather than resorting to punishment or shame.
Often discussions about what to do when a child hits relate to younger children – toddlers and preschoolers – but you can also struggle with these issues with an older child. Today I’m sharing some strategies for helping an older child (ages 5-9) who hits
These ideas for dealing with a child who hits are rooted in empathy, respect, and building a strong connection with your kids. We look at the underlying causes of hitting, try to understand our children’s emotions and share some practical ideas for working towards a healthier way of expressing themselves and dealing with their emotions.
While these strategies for helping a child who hits are aimed at older kids, if you have toddlers or preschoolers who hit, they may also be useful, you may just need to modify the language and lower your expectations a little.
Understanding Why a Child Hits
If you are struggling with a child who is lashing out and hitting, the first thing to do is look for the underlying reason.
Figuring out why a child is hitting is key to finding the best way to deal with it.
Older kids can often help you figure out what is going on for them if you have an open, honest, and caring conversation.
Don’t try interrogating the child when they are ‘in the moment’, even adults struggle to have a sane conversation when angry or frustrated. Wait until things have calmed down and then broach the subject, and just ask, don’t accuse. Try to keep your language as neutral and loving as possible. This isn’t about punishment it’s about figuring out what is going on for your child and helping them.
Some questions you might ask to work out why your child is hitting:
How were you feeling right before you hit X?
What happened right before you wanted to hit?
How did you feel after you hit?
Even an older child might not be able to answer these questions, but the resulting conversation might offer some insights and help you have a good guess at the reason behind the behavior.
Some other questions to think about when working out why a child hits:
Is there a pattern to when the behaviour occurs?
Is your child hungry? tired? overstimulated?
Is there a communication struggle when the behaviour occurs?
Do you notice any physical changes right before your child hits?
Is your child going through any major changes or growth spurts right now?
I often find the reason an older child lashes out and hits is to do with big, overwhelming feelings of anger and frustration, and the child not knowing what to do about them or how to express them.
If your child is often frustrated and angry these activities on anger management for kids may help.
For younger children a reason for hitting is often difficulty with communication – a toddler or preschooler may not have the words to express their frustration – while older children have better language skills this can still be a big factor in hitting. Even though they have the language skills, sometimes kids can’t get the words out or they feel like they won’t be listened too which increased their frustration and they lash out.
Sometimes the anger and frustration can come from feeling powerless. When big changes are happening our kids may feel out of control and overwhelmed. Our kids may feel like they are not listened to, or understood, they may feel powerless to get their needs met.
Even adults experience these feelings and even adults lash out sometimes. Haven’t we all lost our cool and lashed out, perhaps with words, when our anger has gotten the better of us?
Imagine that feeling and then imagine that you don’t know the words to use, imagine you feel like no ever listens to you, imagine you don’t have as much life experience, or self control and your whole body is tense with anger and you just need to hit or grab or smash something… That is how your child is feeling when they lash out.
So, what can we do about that?
What to do when a Child Hits.
So it’s all well and good to spend time working out why your child hits, but what do we do, in the moment, when our child is lashing out?
A good way to deal with a child hitting in the moment is to have a positive first response already figured out. Follow these simple steps to deal with a child hitting in a positive way:
- Be there.
If you see your child lash out, step in and be there, physically. Usually that just involves you moving towards the children and being physically close, but sometimes you might have to put your arm out, or even physically block an action, but do so as gently and non-confrontationally as possible. - Explain the situation.
This is a simple, but really powerful action – simply say what you see without judgment.
“You hit your brother, you seem really mad, and your brother is crying.”
“You both want that toy, you both seem mad, and you hit him.”
This helps your child understand the situation, and understand that you are there to help, not judge. - Offer an Alternative
Give your child ideas for another way to manage the situation. Give them the words to tell the other person they are frustrated or angry. Give them ideas for how to take turns or how to resolve the conflict so everyone wins. Give them an alternative way to express their frustration and get their anger out of their bodies without hurting someone else – punch a pillow, throw a ball at a rebound net, run around outside.
These steps don’t work perfectly every time, but the more you use them with your kids the more effective they will be. Your kids will know that while you are not going to punish them or shame them for hitting, you are also not going to accept that behaviour. They will learn that your will be there it help them do better, rather than make them feel worse.
How to Help a Child Stop Hitting
While the steps above are great to use in the moment, the long term goal is to prevent your child from hitting in the first place. What we want is to teach our children more positive ways to express and manage their big emotions so hitting never (or at least rarely) happens. To do that we need to work on teaching our kids skills and strategies to use before they get to hitting.
Most kids don’t want to hit, most feel bad about their actions, so once you’ve worked out the reasons your child might be hitting you can work with them to come up with some strategies to avoid it.
If your child is lashing out because of anger and frustration come up with some ideas for ways they can get their anger out of their bodies in a positive way:
Set up a punching bag or pillow they can hit instead.
Throw or kick a ball against a wall or rebound net.
Get a stress ball they can squeeze, or even scrunch up some paper.
Encourage them to go for a run or jump on the trampoline or do something else physical to release the sensations.
If your child is lashing out because they are struggling to communicate their needs give them some words and phrases they can use in common situations:
If they want a turn of a toy they can say “Can please I have a turn when you are finished?”
If their feelings have been hurt they can say “You made me feel really sad/angry/scared”
If they are feeling really angry they can say “I am feeling SO ANGRY right now!”
If your child is lashing out because they feel powerless or overwhelmed teach them how to move away or ask for help:
If they are feeling frustrated by a situation they can ask and adult for help “Can you please help me deal with this before I get too angry?”
If they are feeling overwhelmed set up a safe space they can retreat to such as their bedroom, or a sensory area where they can be alone.
Help your kids learn how to negotiate so everyone wins.
These strategies are not going to be second nature, and a child is not immediately going to remember them and implement them when they are angry, so the aim of the game is for you to help them. That means when you see or hear them getting to the point of lashing out, you need to step in prompt them before things get out of hand.
And don’t forget to notice when your child managed their anger well and doesn’t lash out.
Notice and say out loud when you see your child handling frustration well. Tell them how great it is that they were able to negotiate a win win situation for everyone. Tell them how great it is to see them using the pushing bag when they are feeling frustrated. Tell them you are pleased they came to you to ask for help before things go out of control. Make it your goal to point out when they are using the strategies you came up with together, and they will be better able to remember and use those strategies in the future.
What to do After a Child has Hit Another?
So all your strategies have failed and someone has lashed out, how do you deal with it after a child has hurt another?
I think that depends on the age of the children, but at any age the first thing to do is make sure the child who has been hit is ok and is safe.
Once you have made sure the hitting has stopped and the other child is ok, offer comfort to anyone who needs it – that includes the child who has hit.
Your aim is to help both children feel safe, and shaming or punishing the child who has lashed out makes them feel worse, doesn’t teach them how to do better, and sets them up for another incident down the track.
Forcing the hitter to say sorry is also a shaming technique and doesn’t achieve anything (a forced sorry means nothing to either party) but older children can learn about restitution. They may be able to apologise or make things right after the incident by offering an alternative activity, or a hug, or whatever works for both children, but they might need time to calm down and work through the situation. Moving away can itself be a form or restitution as the child recognises they can’t be in that space at that time.
What strategies have you used to help a child who hits?
Of course these ideas are not the only things you can do to help a child who lashes out. These are just some of the ideas I have used with some success. Every child is different, and every family is different so you might need to take a totally different tack to help your child, but the one thing I feel strongly about is that this is about helping a child learn to deal with these big emotions, not shaming them, punishing them, or using violence towards them.
More Parenting Tips and Hacks.
If you are struggling with how to manage your kids big emotions in a more gentle and responsive way that focusses on connection and learning rather than shame and punishment, these articles may help.
Ok, you lost your cool and yelled at your kids, what can you do after you’ve yelled to make things better?
Try these practical strategies to use the next time your child has a tantrum or meltdown.
Wow. great post for me at this time. I have actually just taken the time to realise that my four year old only pushes her 18 month old brother when daddy is home. They are competing for his affection! derrr why did I not see it before. Thanks again. Now I will get to work on finding strategies to combat the half hour when dad gets home and all 3 kids want him.
My almost 5 year old often lashes out at his 3 year old brother. It typically happens the moment I leave the room or start feeding the baby. My dilemma is always who should I tend to first: the crying 3 year old, the feeding baby or the 5 year old? I have joked in the past about needing to buy my boys a punching bag, but maybe it is a good solution as a means to channel the rage. I’ve also read once that throwing cotton balls is a good way to melt away pent up aggression and turn a negative situation into a fun one.
My 3 year old hits his 6 year old brother quite a lot – mostly as a result of anger and frustration. He just doesn’t have the ability or skills yet to deal with his feelings and when I think about it I realise that it must be difficult as a younger sibling to be constantly surrounded by someone who is bigger, more articulate, more capable etc than you. We do pretty much what you describe – I tell him that it’s OK to be angry and OK to want to hit but it’s not OK to hit people so to find something like a cushion that he can hit instead or stamp his feet etc. I also try to model that behaviour myself so he sees it in action, e.g. I’ll say “I’m getting really frustrated with this puzzle so I’m going to go and punch the sofa a few times to get my feelings out”. Not sure how effective it is (he is still hitting!) but hopefully it’s giving him a few more tools to help him deal with his feelings without making him feel bad for having them in the first place.
Do you have some tips for younger kids? My 3 yo son is getting increasingly hostile verbally and I worry that it is going to escalate. He pushes only some kids – mostly a one year old adorable girl, who he probably perceives as a threat because she can’t understand that his toys are a no-go area. He’s better behaved with 6 and 7 year olds because they are more indulgent, I think. When he’s angry, he makes a kicking motion with his foot but he has never kicked anyone. I don’t want to wait until it happens. I’m at the end of my tether and he picks up on that irritation and stress. I could go on and on, but you probably know how I feel. Looking for tips and suggestions on how to handle this.
Thank you for your blog. It’s a big help!
For my two year old I use a modified version of the above ideas…
The best thing you can do is try and figure out why they are lashing out and prevent or ease the situation before it occurs. So with your son pushing because he doesn’t want to share his toys… that is totally reasonable for a three year old I think. So before you have friends over I’d ask him ‘can you share these toys or would you rather put them away?’ give him the option of not sharing.. because that is ok.
While the friends are over if you know he might have trouble sharing things or dealing with frustration then you need to be there, you need to be right there to step in and give him the words to use to describe his emotions and work out a solution. That is especially useful for your littlest (who is two) and even my older boy who is five… sometimes they just need an adult to help get the frustration our more appropriately. Hope that helps! Feel free to email if you want to chat more.
I have a nearly 3yo who lashes out whenever he gets angry or frustrated, in many forms, lately its scratching. It can be biting or hitting – it’s absolutely awful. I find its at its worse when we have his friends over here. I tried the ‘put away special toys’ thing, and then when his friends came all the non-special toys became special…! The worst is when he lashes out at his little sisters (also the cause of much of his frustration I think, twin 8 mth old sisters). It’s so hard to know what to do, and I think half my issues is my lack of consistency after reading new ideas all the time & trying them out. I think it’s going to last as long as it lasts, and as long as we show them kindness etc, one day hopefully they learn to do the same… Hopefully!! :) I love reading about others having similar issues, makes it seem more normal!!
When we have other children coming to play I ask my children, age 3 & 7 if there are any toys that they are unwilling to share?
I remive those toys from their room and I feel it saves alot of angst.
This way their feelings are being honored and they understand that the toys that are left out they are willing to share with other children.
if other toys become an issue than we work through it together and fairly.
Adding to what Kate said: Help him maintain his boundaries with his toys, too. If he’s working hard on a block tower and a younger child comes over towards it, try to help him protect it, if you’re able. If the other parent is around, it can help to say something cute like, “Oops! Your friend (son’s name) worked really hard on that tower! Let’s see if we can find you some other toys,” and then appeal to your son’s sense of justice. “It looks like (baby’s name) likes your block tower. I know we don’t want her to mess your tower up, but do you think you could find a few more blocks so she can play, too?” Most toddlers have a strong sense of justice and will eagerly help with something like that. If the block tower gets knocked down anyway, offering to help rebuild acknowledges the hard work put into it and helps toddlers feel like all is not lost.
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What a timely post!!! We are currently on vacation in Switzerland, and my 6 yo was trying to play with a girl who was younger, maybe 3 or 4. There was a language barrier, and the young girl grabbed my daughter’s wood chip pile and threw it on the ground and then threw a huge handful of chips in my daughter’s face. My very sensitive girl screamed, threw chips at the girl, and then pushed her to the ground, very hard. Of course I understand her frustration, and that little girl was a bit wild (I saw her throwing chips at some of the other kids as well), but that is no excuse for my daughter to push like that. Our solution was to pull her away until she calmed down, but I found that I was really at a loss. Any thoughts?
Language barrier was the problem with my now almost 3 year old boy. I’m french, dad is chinese, so our son is exposed to three languages and as good as it sounds, when your 2 year old on the playground and cannot communicate… well it’s a disaster.
I found the simple strategy of communication still with your body, but without touching the other kids kinda of work. I taught him to put his hand out in a “STOP” motion and to stay stop. “STOP” would be understood by most language. It took a LONG time and a LOT of repetition, even now, but he’s getting there and he is only 3. With an older child, it might work better.
I recommend being there… right there, in situations where you know things might get tricky. You need to be there so you can step in and help before things go down the drain. So when the little girl threw the wood chips on the ground, if you were there you could have stepped in then and given your daughter some words to use to express her frustration to the other child (which may not help the other child if they can’t understand but it also helps your daughter to gain control and get the frustration out of her body) and given her some ideas of what she could do now… move somewhere else to make her pile of wood chips, do something else etc…
If you were not able to be there (and I know you can’t always be right there all the time) amd you are coming in after the event, still give your child the words to use when she is frustrated, like Marie suggest blow, suggest using a hand gesture if the language barrier is there, but the words are more about your daughter being able to respond in a way other than hitting or pushing, rather than the other child hearing or accepting them. Then ask her what else she might have done instead of hurting the other child… if she can’t give you ideas then give her some. With practice, sometimes lots of practice, and maturity, the words and other suggestions will hopefully become her first reaction, before she lashes out :)
i have a question, i have a child in my class and he is very rough with his friends, he is quite younger then the other children, but he seems to hit just because he can, and he thinks its funny. the children will be playing nicely, then he will just come up behind them and hit them over the head or knock over what they are doing. any suggestions that could help would be great. I’m at my wits end trying to deal with this.
I think the key is finding out why this child is behaving that way. There is almost always more to it than ‘because he can’ or ‘because it’s fun’… why does he think it is fun? Why does he think he can? Once you have figured out the why, the way to deal with it will be clearer.
In the mean time, depending on how old these children are, I would encourage the other children to use some clear words to show that they do not like the behavior and some clear actions too, such as moving away from the child who has hurt them. Hopefully this will send a clear message that it is not funny and it is not ok.
It is happening with 2-3 year old,usually boys,if something gets taken from them by another child, they didn’t know yet how to be patient, but really it does depend how hard is that chold hits… you can decide which one is serious and which one is not,obviously you tell them always what thet suppose and not suppose to do ask etc…talking to your child, sit down with them t read and play,love them is the solution. I think is stupid to give them a pillow to hit? They will just realise so I can hit next time as well and my mum than replace it with a pillow or a bed? If they are that angry you have to look into yourself, most of the time children copy their parents! So be nice to your children,love them,look after them and they will give youback the same..
I asked my then 2.5 year old why did he think he hit? He didn’t know and the question seemed to reinforce his perceived powerlessness over hitting. After trying every approach, hitting back absolutely didn’t work, neither did any other traditional punishment. Eventually after nearly losing my mind I asked him this – and it changed everything. “Who do you think is in charge of your body?” He was surprised to learn that he was. Our conversations started to change, so did he. He was interested in who was in charge of everything about him, his body, his mind, his privates, his hair, where he sleeps, what clothes he wears – and was joyed to learn the answer was always him. I learned his hitting was an expression of his feeling powerless and when he internalised the information that he was the boss of his mind and his actions he was able to realise he could choose not to hit. So proud to say he chooses wisely every time now he is 4.
That is such a great point!
Most little children can not articulate why they are behaving the way they are because it is not a conscious choice for them, and they do not see the consequences in the same way adults do.
Feeling powerless or lacking control is a common reason why people (not just kids) lash out… helping out kids to gain some control by using their words or other ways to express their anger goes a long way to dealing with this.
Yes, kids are people too! There are frighteningly a LOT of adults who really don’t get the concept that they are actually in control of their choices, their emotions, their mind, their actions. Its not surprising since when emotions are big and overwhelming it often doesn’t feel like a choice. When the situation makes a person feel powerless, and having big emotions on top of that, resorting to primal instincts is common. Its a big ask for a toddler, a 4 year old and even an adult to take responsibility for themselves and many don’t and never will, though I feel it waaay better in the long run, with both kids and adults alike, to dump responsibility fair in their laps. This way, they are able to change undesirable behaviours, which can increase self control and self esteem, and even better – when they achieve something great they can take all the credit for it. Giving a persons power back to them by reinforcing all the time they are in control, they choose is an awesome thing. I only wish I knew more about it so I could do it for myself more often!
I have trouble with my 20 month old son hitting (also with my 3 year old but I can use the advice above on him) but what advice would you recommend for an almost two year old that’s smart enough to understand everything you say but can’t talk? I can’t really ask him questions to resolve this issue as he won’t answer me in English.
I would give him a clear limit – ‘hitting hurts, please don’t hit’. Then label his feelings and give him an alternative. ‘you are feeling angry because x, you may not hit, but you can stamp your foot, ’ etc…
You might be able to ask him why he is doing it, but I bet you can have a look at the circumstances, see if there are any patterns, and because you are his mum and know him best, you can have a good guess at what the problem may be. It may simply be that he is little and dealing with anger is hard, so give him time and lots of positive guidance to help him sort it out.
My 17 month old hits when he is mad or told no. How do I make him understand this is not acceptable? I have done the nos, redirecting him, ignoring, even spanking his bottom nothing works! Everyone says it’s a phase and that may be but I don’t want him hitting other kids or adults. Help!
I would give him a clear limit – ‘hitting hurts, please don’t hit’. Then label his feelings and give him an alternative. ‘you are feeling angry because x, you may not hit, but you can stamp your foot’ etc…
With toddlers it takes a lot of time for them to understand this message and be able to remember it when they are in the moment… as far as I know there is no over night fix so try your best to keep your cool and set the best example you can.
What with the younger one like 2yrs old and below? how could they understand all these talking and negotiation from parent? Especially when the old he/she is hurting (in my case is hitting) is the parent? Any suggestion,please?
This article is not specifically for younger children… but the same basic ideas apply.
You can’t ask them why they are hitting but you might be able to look for any patterns and have a good guess.
Your reaction is still the same – give them the words to express that they are angry ‘you are mad because of x’ and set a clear limit. ‘I won’t let you hurt me, I will move away until you have calmed down’
I went through this on sun, he’s 11 smacking an 8 yr. old and pushed her under water in the pool, with force and then when he let her go he said “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT” SHE DID NOTHING they were playing ball in the pool with 2 other girls.. how do I deal with that.the parent of the boy really don’t care, there was a lot of upset.
In that situation, if it were me, I’d not hang around that child any more.
If that is not possible, and you’ve tried addressing this with his parents, then I’d make sure I was close by to support your daughter.
Hi!
I have a very wild 2 year old. He would hit and kick sometimes without a reason. The best thing i ever done is I bought a ”time out mat ”( you can get it on Amazon) every time he hit or kick I sat him on it and he stayed. I’m sitting him on it everytime he’s being naughty, you can fold the mat and take it everywhere with you. I always put it in his bag when we go out so he knows its there. Its been few weeks now and he’s so much better already. Happy mummy!
My 22 month old doesn’t hit [yet], but he gets frustrated easily, and I don’t want him to start! Right now he is figuring out how to behave around other kids. He will get weird if another kid comes near him– he says no, blocks the way, or even tries to push the other kid away. How can I help him do the right thing?
Help him find the words to use to express how he is feeling. You might have to guess at first, but I bet you have a pretty good idea of how he is feeling and can say things like ‘you are feeling worried that Jane might use the toys you are playing with. We can tell Jane that these are your blocks.’
I have been in great need of an article like this! My son is 2 1/2 years old and we are having major, major issues. He has been physically violent since before he turned one. This includes but is not limited to: hitting, kicking, pinching, grabbing hair and pulling, screaming as loud as his little lungs will scream, throwing things at you…basically anything that could hurt. My husband and I are at a loss for words, as he has never been around violence, does not watch anything violent, nor has he even seen us angry in his 2 1/2 years of life. He has a very calm and loving household as well as extended family. Yet somehow, this terrible phase that started so long ago has only gotten worse as he gets older. These actions always come with anger over not getting his way, but this can quickly become very intense anger. He has now started punching walls if he gets this angry and does not have someone near him.
He is very bright and also very sensitive and loving when not in these fits of rage. He has reached every milestone, many of them earlier than the norm, and loves to play and be happy like other kids his age. When these fits come, however, they are unstoppable. They are up to dozens of times a day, even when something is as little as him wanting to go left when we go right and then the fit could last up to 2 hours (we had a terrible zoo experience like this 2 weeks back). We have tried calmly talking to him when he calms down, time outs, time in his room, laying down to calm down, ignoring, praising him when he reacts well, praying with him, singing to him to calm him down…and while some of these may help, once something else doesn’t go his way 2 min later he’s back in his rage again.
He now has a little brother (4 months old) and we have noticed this behavior intensify. Since no punishment works, his violence is getting his way with everything and naps/meal times have become a fight all their own. He has been very gentle with his brother and will sing to him, try playing with him or showing him his toys, laying down with him, etc. But if he gets mad enough, he will resort to hitting his still infant brother or throwing something at him. This is where we are reaching a Help! period in this situation.
We will definitely be trying some of the suggestions above, but if anyone else has had a somewhat similar experience to this please share what worked for you!
Sometimes these intense outbursts of anger and frustration can indicate other things the child is struggling with… so I’d look outside of just the lashing out and see if you can think of any thing else that might be bothering him right now.
I’d continue as best you can dealing with the outbursts when they happen but I’d work a lot of trying to prevent them… see if there is a pattern to them, or any way you might be able to notice things starting to go wrong so you can perhaps step in earlier.
I’d also look at making sure you ‘fill his cup’ with lots of positive interaction and attention. Special things just for him so that you build up his confidence and self esteem and make sure he knows that you support him no matter what. Good luck
My 3 yr old gets so frustrated at me when it’s say bath time or doing something she doesn’t want to do. She lashes out at me and slaps me hard on my head or face. Help me please I do not know what to do.
Perhaps she is having trouble dealing with the transitions?
This great article might help http://www.dirtandboogers.com/easing-transitions-for-young-children/
My 2 year old (young 2) son pushes but he pushes when overly excited or as a form of play (ie – for attention)! Since it is not derived from anger or frustration do you have any tips how to spin the pushing to positive? We have tried breaks, distractions, removal of situation, and asking him to use words – I am guessing thorough consistency is the most important thing!
Also, it is difficult because he is do big (40 inches tall and 36 pounds) and communicated well so many people assume he is much older!
Hi thanks for addressing this. It’s really lonely having an older child who hits. My almost 6 yo has recently revived this behaviour with me as the target. I have been practicing ‘positive parenting’ this year and it was having a big positive improvement in our family but recently this hitting has started again. He seems to be fine and then I will ask him to do something (eg go back to bed when he gets up at 6am, as our morning rule says) and he will suddenly get mad.
I’m managing to stay calm but I it’s really upsetting and I am starting to see my 20 months old pick up on this behaviour which really worries me as he is just coming into that ‘frustration tantrum phase’…
It’s a though he can’t cope with things not going exactly his way :(
I think six can be a very difficult age (I have a six year old boy too). I think they are just beginning to really be able to see that their actions have consequences and that can be confusing and scary and make them feel out of control.
I tend to pick my battles very carefully with my six year old, and try to find win-win situations if I can. If all else fails my six year old needs firm limits without me loosing it (which isn’t always easy!) and lots and lots of connection when things are going ok.
Good luck.
Thank you :) I am doing the positive parenting solutions course and trying to give choices and one on one time. Mostly its been working but the last week has been particularly tough. Its hard to know how to get him to let those harsh feelings safely out. Re-reading your original post I will be suggesting he uses ideas we have talked about instead of hitting.
It’s so good to know im not alone. I feel as though I am a terrible parent because I haven’t succeeded in getting him to stop this behaviour.. to know I’m not alone relieves a little of that guilt. Thank you. I’m off to make a calming down box x
I am amazed at how many people at “pro-spare the rod spoil the child”.
If you’ve 18 month old – 3 year old is slapping, punching, pushing, and kicking, you tell them no and slap their hand. It will typically only take 3 times.
If you’re 4 year old – 12 year old is hitting, pushing, etc. You give them a spanking and tell them what they are not suppose to do.
Any older, you give them a good kick in the butt and explore as in the problem.
The problem with society today is there is no responsibility or accountability for one’s actions.
I do not support violence towards anyone, adult or child.
In my opinion there is always a better way.